Brené Brown on Blame

You are probably a bit of a blamer - most of us are. But why should we give it up? In this witty sequel to our most watched RSA Short, inspirational thinker Brené Brown considers why we blame others, how it sabotages our relationships, and why we desperately need to move beyond this toxic behaviour.

Voice: Dr Brené Brown
Production and Editing: Al Francis-Sears and Abi Stephenson

[rsaorg]

Exciting news everyone!

Our #RSAshorts series (of which this video is part) has been nominated for a Webby Award! The Annual Webby Awards represent the best of the Internet, and out of nearly 13, 000 projects submitted this year, RSA Shorts has made it to the final five in the ‘Animations’ category.

[Poppy-yxjs]

There should be a clarification for abuse survivors because most of the time they are blamed for everything. And part of getting out of that situation is realizing that the blame is someone else’s - and placing that blame back where it belongs - on the abuser. And for scapegoats- that can be your entire social structure that is holding together a lie for the abusive individuals.

[OnyxtheFortuitous]

I love this woman. She's so down to earth, and so wise.

[adarraproffitt]

absolutely admire how she realizes this behavior of hers and its effects and from there can go and change it. Quite brave

[juliagowe]

Wish I had discovered Brene Brown's work a decade ago. It would have saved me so much heartache. She is brilliant and so human.

[ryanw]

brene brown's voice coming out of a cartoon character is somehow so so damn funny

[krpm]

This story is so well constructed I’m listening to it over and over again

[karlosopher]

This resolved the other half of my blame dilemma. I realized blame is externalizing responsibility, and long term is pointless as it must be paid backward to all our predecessors and the dawn of creation. To recognize it as discharging anger from the inability to maintain accountability completes the picture.

[deborahlpollitt]

This video is spot on. It took me a while to learn but, I know blaming and worry are really defective thinking habits. I was raised by a worrier, blamer, guilter It took time and effort, but I learned to pay attention to my thoughts and feel my emotions. I say "I'm feeling...", even if it requires that I take 10 deep breathes before I speak. I learned worrying is using mental gymnastics to exhaust to exhaust myself. If I can change a situation I do. if i can't, I accept it and engage or accept it and disengage. I hold people (including myself) responsible for behavior. By that I mean I approach upsets, conflicts and discomforts without the attack that blaming implies. I had an excellent teacher, before retiring, my career involved direct patient and customer contact. I learned it so much easier to be respectful, clear and compassionate in communicating and problem solving.

[iambeautenow]

I love Brene!!!! She just has a way of sharing stuff we all do without making us feel bad.

[MrBobkamm]

As usual, right on description of the dynamics of blame. What is missing here is a more in depth treatment of how to stop ourselves, breathe and feel down into the underlying feeling, which is ultimately not anger but the deep hurt of helplessness whose origins reside in the childhood experience. Until we learn how to stop and grieve, deeply, we can think and talk about blame brilliantly but such a cognitive approach will have limited value. We can't really think our way out of what we were wounded into. We have to feel our way down, through and finally up out of the original pain in its original context. Bob Kamm

[scottlutz]

“Damn you Steve!” Accountability is a vulnerable process, so let’s please not miss opportunities to empathize. Members of Congress, ALL OF THEM, are missing huge opportunities. Hence, we have our current situation of contempt from all sides. I doubt we can move forward through this political mess without some civility and empathy. How else can two sides, both apparently contemptible, come together and agree that progress is far more important than perfection?

[KarenChambre]

Berne Brown is terrific. She is a shame and vulnerability researcher. she has some great books The gift of imperfection and Daring greatly. she is one of my favorites.

[maaikeswellness]

Love this message so many people are stuck in this circle of blame and drains energy and ruins relationships

[lorenas.]

This is brilliant! Especially for people that are more visual. This is a great way to better understand all those insights

[SlimRem]

I mean honestly Brene Brown is everything!!! What a gift she is!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[hopkinshousehold]

I like this so much! The animation is terrific and the message spot on. Hello, I am Christine and I USED to be a blamer. One of the things that helped me grow out of this was Brene's book, The Gift of Imperfection. Thank you for being here and articulating all of the "stuff" we have. You and Landmark International.

[gregmorelli]

I was in a musical improv class, many years ago, with a brilliant woman who looked at me with compassionate eyes, after I'd done a cartwheel in a scene, in a desire to save the scene, with the end-result being I dive bombed the scene, and this is what she said, "The trick is to take the meaningful lesson from your failure."

I heard the words. But it took damn near a decade before they sank in. It's easy to blame your scene partner. It's easy to blame your business partner. It's easy to blame the client who "doesn't get it." 

But you might as well be picking on Steve, "Damn You Steve." Thanks for this. It's brilliant, thoughtful & beautifully animated.

[divineunion]

Dr Brene Brown, where have you been this whole time. I suppose I found you at the time I was ready to hear what you have to share. This lady explains things in such an easy and simple way. Thank you for sharing what you share. It makes a difference

[popstephens]

Ughh, we need to stop this destroying of our relationships! (What I should be saying to my wife, child, coworkers, and ESPECIALLY to myself.) To Brené and Gobblynn, you were both spot on. Thank you for this. #selfevaluation #itStartsWithYou