Brené Brown: Focus on guilt instead of shame

The bestselling author explains the difference between the two and why the distinction is crucial.

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[nelclark]

I think Brene is a very sincere, smart and engaging person. I enjoy her talks and find her to be very interesting. She breaks things down into very logical examples. She doesnt trail off into psycho babble. She hits the nail on the head with class and enlightenment. I like her!

[franzabananza]

Wow this is awesome. There’s a retired judge that would say to juveniles “I’m not mad at you I’m mad at what you did” and I always thought that was so profound. And here brené is talking about it. Very cool.

[Beati]

This interview has changed my response to Brene Brown. It's very practical and straight forward. The early stuff where vulnerability seemed to be a revelation, irritated me. As a lesbian I experienced fear, shame, guilt and vulnerability as part of my everyday life for decades. Apart from the ongoing experience of coming out, I'd had to face off with employers trying to sack me for my sexual orientation. I had to be me, be brave, and hope humanity prevailed. Happily it mostly did. I think most LGBTQI+ people know a lot about vulnerability, especially people who were around before this more enlightened era. I perceived Brene Brown's work as "straight people discovering the bleeding obvious ... oh yay". This interview gives her work a greater context for me. I appreciate it more more now.

[IzabelaWaniek-ix]

Absolutely brillant explanation and advice! Thank you 🙏

[justmadeit]

I suffer extreme shame about myself and guilt too, it’s a destroyer

[zanetastefancova]

Ku všetkým chlapom. Nikdy som so žiadnym šťastná nebola. Opovrhujem nimi celý život. Tak to rešpektujte a nechajte ma na pokoji

[NANCY-tvyt]

We overcome evil with good. Are you saying to overcome suffering we have to be at one with it? To overcome anything takes self awareness, changing negative thinking and becoming the best version of yourself. It takes self awareness to acknowledge who we are first. Then the journey to change can begin. It doesn't happen overnight, and it's often painful in the discovery of who we really are. Almost like the grieving process. Being humble enough to ask for forgiveness to those we may have mistreated and hurt. Forgiving myself has been the hardest. I choose peace and doing the right thing, even if it's hard. Embracing or becoming one with evil is opening the door for the devil to work through people and destroy them.

[ryu]

"Anyway"

The word "Anyway", is the pathway, to master guilt. Use it as a bridge, to become what you want to overcome.
Because when you become, what you want to overcome, you overcome what you want to become. "Anyway" begins as being consciously unconscious and being unconsciously conscious.

The simple, hard truth is that it's often difficult to integrate, when you have to carry the heavy burden of it. That's why it's good to go slowly with it. How to slowly go into cold water. You can even expand your comfort zone.

Enter suffering willingly.
If you willingly enter into suffering, you purify yourself of it. Because only if you can face the suffering, you can change it.

The courage to be strong is the shield against the manipulative fears that attack you. Nevertheless, being strong and not letting yourself be manipulated, is the courage to be strong.

A sacrifice for love, is a sacrifice worth dying for. We don't have to undo the things we do wrong or have done wrong in life. We die for it and thus sacrifice ourselves for love. Die for your negative qualities and live for your positive qualities. This is the sacrifice and salvation of the human spirit.

Positive and negative imprints in the early days largely determine who we are. Some are positive and some are negative. However, the negative imprints can be overwritten.

And how something begins only determines one's own end, the old experience and not the next new beginning of the new experience. We find new ways to leave old ways. This is how we find salvation.

The guilt we feel is the one that enslaves us. Only when we also remember our innocence, are we free at the same time.

I'm Sorry

For many years I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized for something to a person. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized that the only one I really had to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself, the most. So every day I apologize to myself for what I've done to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my feelings of guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you feel guilty about yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow. And apologizing takes away sorrow.
Master the guilt and regret by becoming one with it in a way that all resistance to it is accepted and integrated. Because guilt and regret are qualities of a good heart. To finally be free, apologize to yourself and so integrate the guilt and regret.

The solution to every problem is the problem itself. It came into existence and it will not leave you. However, the point of view changes, from a different perspective. This is how problems, become solutions.

No bad deed will ever be forgotten by the conscience. Treasure those bad deeds. They remind you, that you have not forsaken your humanity.

The patterns within us lead us like marionettes, on threads. Patterns are stuck resistances that can bring you a lot of suffering. Because if we fight them, we fight ourselves. The way out of the pattern, is therefore not possible, as a marionette in resistance. We can only become one with the patterns and resistances as a marionette and thus pull ourselves, by the strings.

Because in order to overcome something, you have to become one with it. It is the shift from the receiver within, to the creator within. Therefore I am not afraid. I am fear. I'm not in the dark, I am the dark. I don't project evil. I am evil. I am not suffering. I am the suffering. I don't feel guilty. I am guilt. This is the way of overcoming. Become it, overcome it.

At the same time, the patterns still exist. We have evil in us, that accuses the other evil in us. Evil accuses the other evil, as evil. And evil, that evil, accused of being evil, does not itself believe to be evil? Isn't the evil that accuses other evils of being evil, not evil in itself? If you really seek good, you will not find it in condemnation. When you realize that the condemned in you, is also the judge, then you can choose to drop the judgement.

The important thing is to look within yourself, for if you had the intention to harm someone, before you start blaming yourself, for creating something, that was not even in your control. And you will see that there is nothing to regret. Because the intention counts.

To get out of something, you have to go in. This is how you free yourself and at the same time, consciously, keep yourself captive. Because the paradoxical opposites, carry the respective opposites within themselves. This is the way out and the way in.

Pain is strength in disguise waiting, to be revealed.

The reaction determines the content. Whether something is good or bad is ultimately decided in your own mind. It doesn't live in anything or anywhere, but in your own mind's response to something. When you shift your perception of something in a more lovable way, even the worst on earth can become the best on earth.

[darleenmcclung]

Shame and Guilt can be a very challenging place to be.

[micaelat]

Shame has much more to do with transgressing the values or norms of society. You might not even agree with it. But in the eyes of others you feel ridiculed. Guilt has more to do with transgressing your own values.

What Rene is referring to has to do with criticising behaviour rather than a person. That is something else.

[ladyj]

Sometimes this sounds so profound yet so complicated

[xl]

Well explained, I don't have shame anymore, but I still struggle with guilts. Both are there because unprocessed traumatic pains.

[brookesmith]

incredible, I never thought of it this way! Matthew Kelly talks about this as well, you should collaborate!

[ryu]

I'm Sorry

For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which kept shifted, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow.a

[Mrimperfections]

Let the shame kids be free and all adults start being honest in public and stop being hidden in your disfuncionqlity

[danieldougan]

Some people are sociopaths, and they don't feel guilt or shame.

[grafxgrl]

Satan is the accuser. The Holy Spirit is the one who leads us to better choices. Jesus frees us from the voice of the accuser!

[mrazik]

im good person but I do bad things splitting how is that even logical? yeah feeling the slap of shame is not pleasant but necessary for changing the behavior

[dertythegrower]

Tim is a bot, aka traptown comment bot. flag every video comment, its a bot

[stephanieromaynehebert]

There is a human being in the right side of the room and it’s unspeakable cruelty that is a huge part of all mediums. They say it’s for medicine but they also just like it. Disgusting pathology.