Brené Brown on Boundaries, Feelings & Core Emotions | Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris

Podcast with Brené Brown on feelings, boundaries & emotions, including her core three: happy, sad and pissed off. In this podcast episode we explore how better understanding the full spectrum of your emotions, rather than drowning in them, can become an upward spiral. In this episode we talk about:
* Why she decided to map the 87 key emotions and experiences
* How she was deeply influenced by the Buddhist concept of the “near enemy”
* Why she no longer believes it's possible to read emotions in other people
* And why meaningful connections require boundaries

Brené Brown is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers. Her latest book
name of her HBO Max series. Brown is a research professor at the University of
Houston and a visiting professor in management at the University of Texas at
Austin McCombs School of Business. She has spent the past two decades studying
courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Her TED talk on the Power of
is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world, with over 50 million
views. 

Content Warning: This episode contains explicit language, but a clean version of
and on the Ten Percent Happier app. 

Published date: Wed Dec 28 2022

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Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

Dan Harris is a fidgety, skeptical journalist who had a panic attack on live
national television, which led him to try something he otherwise never would
have considered: meditation. He went on to write the bestselling book, 10%
Happier. On this show, Dan talks with eminent meditation teachers, top
scientists, and even the odd celebrity. Guests include everyone from His
Holiness the Dalai Lama to Brené Brown to Karamo from Queer Eye. On some
episodes, Dan ventures into the deep end of the pool, covering subjects such as
enlightenment and psychedelics. On other episodes, it’s science-based techniques
for issues such as anxiety, productivity, and relationships. Dan's approach is
seemingly modest, but secretly radical: happiness is a skill you can train, just
like working your bicep in the gym. Your progress may be incremental at first,
but like any good investment, it compounds over time.

#feelings #emotions #boundaries #happy #sad #podcast #brenebrown

00:00 Introduction to Brene Brown discussing Feelings
05:42 Mapping Emotions
09:45 Learn how to Awe
14:28 Two word check-in with partner
20:59 Shame and loneliness
31:09 Near enemy of love
35:38 How to learn what connection is with children

[JulieGloer]

Listening to this I sat down and wrote down two things in my journal ..
1. What are you feeling right now
2. What do you need right now
After I did this exercise I felt released, a little more free and more relaxed.
Is this self love and self compassion? I guess but it helped. Thank you 🙏

[BrigitteOnassis]

"It's okay to ask for what you need; it's not okay to lie or manipulate to get it."

[hiswife]

What really hits for me is not walking in someone else's shoes but to BELIEVE them when they tell you how it feels to THEM to be walking in their own shoes. And as Brene says, this pushes a lot of buttons. People who tell you you weren't abused or gaslit or bullied because it's not how THEY perceive it. People who tell you you're not working as hard as you can or that you don't feel the pain at the level that you feel it. Human beings LOVE to tell other human beings why they do or do not experience something and why someone outside of your own head can tell you what you feel or think or perceive or sense better than you can for yourself.

[JosAo-pszu]

"The limits of my vocabulary are the limits of my world". No words to add to that...

[cerealkiillar]

Talking about emotions is usually so abstract, but Brown always finds a way to crack open the exterior language to explore meanings through concrete images. Great stuff.

[martby]

she deeply respects the human experience with all colors, tones, hues, values, shading and light

[julieknight-ikbr]

"The limits of my language mean the limits of my world. Do we have a vocabulary that is expansive as our world?"
❤❤❤

[torreygreen]

42:46 - 43:19. I listened to that three times. I would love for her to do a book or podcast with scripts like that for difficult situations. So many times in life I've needed to say something difficult but didn't know how to express it in a productive way.

[sheilastyrebriere]

Pain is unavoidable, suffering is optional.
No one rises strong alone, by themselves, community and emotional first aid at minimum by people who are invested in helping others heal is essential. 🤗

[steveheliosone]

The near enemy concept is genius. “The near enemy of connection is control…” That’s sinking in pretty deep right now.

[katiebeckley]

The concept that resentment is in the envy family! MIND BLOWN! Thank you!

[sdgoodguy]

Wow Brene is blessed because she speaks what a lot of people’s suffering going through. They have no idea therefore you can not judge what someone has gone through.

[Golgibaby]

New gems from this conversation I learned: near enemy concept; compassion versus near enemy = control, being the learner and not bearer of knowledge; and emotional granularity with resentment being a function of envy. More please! Thank you for this conversation!

[moirahyde]

My friendly word for envy is green - I’m green !! 😂❤

[crystalkea]

Such an incredible conversation with many nuggets of pure gold for my journey of self awareness.

[ninnettaskaanstrom]

Loved so many things about this Podcast. Was not familiar with the "near enemy" concept, although I have experienced it so many times. The feeling of not being understood even though the words were there. The comment about feeling overwhelmed hit hard, this is definitely me, but now I will change how I handle this feeling. I use the sentence "I'm here to get it right, not to be right" for many years, which seems to annoy a lot of people. Thank you Brene for being an inspiration to closer connections.

[Taobeth]

10:00 it's like awe is to admire from a distance and wonder is to admire with a proximity

[monicamiller]

Your discussion of how important being able to name emotions--in order to handle, replicate, process them--echoes one of Fred Rogers's best known quotes: "Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable."

[MelinaOien]

Every time I read or listen to Brené I learn something new, even if it's the same content I've seen/heard before. I've told my therapist that there are definitely times when I read her stuff and am goin.. 👀called out! But somehow, okay with it! Like one of the previous commenters, it resonated with me when she put forward that believing someone else's experiences versus "walking in their shoes". Something I hear a lot, in both personal and professional realms, is that being BELIEVED on its own gave them hope or relief. In her vulnerability TedTalk, she mentioned two things that I have found apply so often, and the second is something you hear in my profession as well (her mention was it is a saying in social work). The first is that feeling of "excruciating vulnerability". I felt it on a visceral level, and have never forgotten those two words since. And the second is the saying "lean into the discomfort". It can be uncomfortable to hear someone else's experiences and believe them. My experiences and observations lead me to believe that being and feeling believed seems to make vulnerability just a little less excruciating.. Excellent discussion, thank you both.

[BrigitteOnassis]

After trying to connect with the person by asking them what they need, what do you say if you cannot or do not want to give them what they need while still remaining compassionate and connected?