How to Tame Your Child's Aggression - Boys Town Center for Behavioral Health

Some aggressive behavior is a typical part of child development, especially between the ages 3-9. A limited vocabulary, poor emotional regulation, poor coping skills, along with a child’s growing independence, can cause communication frustration. Often a child uses aggressive actions to communicate their strong feelings to compensate for their limited verbal and reasoning skills.
Understanding how to respond and minimize your child’s aggression can teach him or her how to communicate positively and help curtail future outbursts.

Aggressive behaviors can change as the child grows and develops. Parents should understand that childhood aggression behaviors vary per child. Some common aggressive behaviors a child may display include:
• Biting a parent or child
• Throwing objects at others
• Playing rough with others
• Screaming and yelling
• Hitting others or himself
• Kicking
• Pinching

For parents who are experiencing frequent childhood aggression, Boys Town Center for Behavioral Health recommends:
Step 1: Observing. Watch your child’s actions during aggressive outbursts and see if there is a pattern or an event that occurs before your child’s actions.
Step 2: Heading off Aggression. You can help reduce your child’s aggression by setting expectations, providing clear and consistent consequences, and praising non-aggressive behaviors.
Step 3: Responding. If your child becomes aggressive, it is important to provide consequences such as time out or privilege removal and to make sure you are not giving attention to the aggressive behaviors.
Step 4: Catching good behavior. Reward and praise your child when they make “good choices” when they are frustrated and use their words vs. aggressive actions.
Children engage in aggressive behaviors because they have difficulties communicating and expressing their emotions. It is important that you help your child identify their triggers, anger cues, and prompt your child to cool down when they are upset. These strategies help build awareness and improve your child’s ability to regulate their emotion and ultimately reduce their aggression.

As much as possible, parents are encouraged to stay consistent in discipline. If your child is aggressive toward another child, provide immediate consequences. Eventually the child will associate the negative consequence with the aggression. Parents can minimize aggressive behavior with a few techniques that include:
• Keeping your cool
• Minimizing "high risk" situations
• Avoiding negotiation (don't argue or explain too much)
• Helping your child problem solve solutions to conflict
• Rewarding good behavior
• Making your expectations for behavior clear

If your child has frequent outbursts daily for several days or weeks, or is causing physical injury to himself or others, is being sent home by neighbors or school, contact your pediatrician.

[bubbles]

Another option I’ve found that works with some kids sometimes like my son who is 3 and has intermittent explosive disorder is to just completely ignore until that behavior stops then engage again when they stop that behavior. My son is extremely aggressive at times over little to nothing (that’s part of his disorder) and it works sometimes. He doesn’t want to do something I ask then I ignore him until he does it or doesn’t do it depending on what it is (throw his diaper away then he has to do it and things like whining or throwing a fit he has to stop) then I engage again. Any positive or negative attention with some children will cause them to continue so no attention till what is asked of them is done is the best because then they learn that that behavior gets no reaction at all and if they want attention then what is asked will be done. I’ve had to do it for 45 minutes of him screaming and crying and hitting and kicking for my son to throw his diaper out (only because he is old enough to throw it out when it’s in a bag on his own and needs to learn responsibility) and he eventually did and once he did he got hugs and kisses and now he won’t fight on that nearly as much if at all.

[pinkflaf]

My son is getting angry at the smallest things please give me some advice he is 13