Why we need to stop teaching girls to please

[milune]

"My role in life isn't to cater to adult's feelings" I wish I knew that back then.

[katnor]

It's such a refreshing concept that it's OKAY if other people think you were rude. I have struggled with that all my life, as if other's opinions are more important than me.

[millersam]

It always confused me why a grown adult should feel personally offended that a child doesn't want to touch them. Why the hell do you think it's okay to demand a child touch you?! And why do other adults support the ADULT instead of the child?

[Shimmeringsand]

It tickles me to think that there are mothers who care about the future well being of their children’s mental health

[ashleyguthrie]

Ugh. I had two male relatives that would want a hug, but if I declined, my mom would berate me for rudeness AND then those men would insist and literally try to chase me down and physically force hug me. It was absolutely terrifying as a little kid. But they found my terror hilarious and it became a game to them. They'd chase me, corner me, sneak up behind me, pop up out of nowhere. Anything to watch me freak out and they'd just laugh. And yet srill my mom would be upset at me for not just going with it. But of course, before long, I was uncomfortable being anywhere near them. Unsurprisingly, as I got older, I realized both of them were also really awful to other women in their lives, including their own wives.

[shoppertattoo]

Yes!! I was forced to hug and kiss relatives and I dreaded it so much. It was extremely uncomfortable and now I have trouble showing affection to my partner and friends!

[justinehornberger]

I'm loving this new generation of parents that teach their children that their body is their own and consent doesn't just apply to adult activities. I can't tell you how many adult friends I know who have all sorts of avoidance issues because their people pleasing puts them in uncomfortable positions. I'm low key excited to see what kids who understand their agency look like when they grow up and make waves in society.

[PiperCameron-nbzm]

I was always told I was rude if I didn’t want to be affectionate with family members, which resulted in me rarely being able to set boundaries with men. This is such an important message! Thanks for sharing. ❤

[miramilk]

When I was little, my aunt's husband used to always say "give us a hug and a kiss or we won't love you no more". I thought it was a bit odd at the time, but looking back I realize just how much that really stuck with me and how it probably fed my people-pleasing tendencies. Such a *disgusting* thing to say to a child, and the more I've learned about his behavior towards other members of my family the more grateful I am that my mom (his sister-in-law) cut off contact years ago.

[lilane]

My son has sensory issues and has been refusing hugs from me for years. It is heartbreaking but I respect it. No one should have the right to force themselves on others

[whiteseacrafts]

TRUE! I was not allowed to say no to anything growing up, and it led to situations with men that where actually dangerous to me.

No one wants to hear it; but this is how you raise your daughter to get abused, or killed in a domestic

[kookookat]

This this My mom pressured me into staying with a guy I was dating that I expressed I didn't feel comfortable around. She said it would be rude to dump him. He ended up stalking me for two years. I have a severe inferiority complex because of this behavior being pounded into me as. A child. I feel so seen right now.

[LydDee]

Relatable😢 Once my uncle said to me in a rather condescending tone: "You never visit us" to which I responded "Well, you never visit either". And then I got the glare from my mom. She told me in person that I was being rude and I needed to stop reacting so much to people. She even taught me how to respond " properly". I should have said: "You're right uncle, we don't see eachother that much. Well, in the future I will come visit" and just brush it off....(Bear in mind we were not close with this uncle at all!! Wtf?!)

[katedaniels]

How many of us were forced to kiss, hug, and act as if you felt ok around some relative or dear family friend! (I know that back in my day the controlling adult was concerned with proper appearances/ behaviors seeking approval and acceptance. “What will they THINK?!”

[rachelcordor]

THIS IS SO TRUE!! I used to go to a bunch of African parties when I was younger with my parents. My aunts and uncles would tell me to say say hi to them. If I didn’t, then they would complain to my mom about it or embarrass me in front of everyone. Most times I would say hi but because I’m a very timid person, they couldn’t always hear me and then proceed to complain to my mom about it. Even adults at the party would complain if another adult didn’t say hi to them. It’s the most stupidest thing ever. Anyways, now I can’t stand up for myself. If someone offends me I just awkwardly laugh. I don’t even talk to anyone about my problems.

[peaceandharmony]

Dude! Felt like my role as a kid was to make the adults feel happy and good. It was such bullshit!

[Marina_]

This is so important!! I would write 100 exclamation signs.
I should've reported people to the police but my parents didn't even think it was ok for me to not be around my aggressor(s), I hadn't even thought about police until years later when my therapist suggested it.

Teach your kids especially girls to say no to stuff they're not ok with. You don't have to hug anyone, or even dance with anyone, let alone accept anyone's touches or inappropriate jokes and comments. You matter and you deserve to be listened to and respected. It is not too much to ask for. It's ok not to be ok with stuff even if it's less serious than outright molestation/grape attempts.

[theminorfall_themajorlift]

I love those videos SO much!! I’m raising a little girl and I’m trying to break the cycle of mental abuse i suffered as a child. These videos help me to see that even though I’m breaking the cycle, some of the things I’m doing aren’t healthy. But I’m working so very hard every day to be better. I’m already better than what I had but that’s not enough. That bar wasn’t very high.

[lyssums]

Good message! I was a victim of this way of being until it almost ruined my life! Now I recognize!

[dogscott]

This is so important. I wish I could have heard this when I was a kid and I was fighting for my boundaries 😢