ADHD and Relationships

If you or your partner has ADHD, you may be experiencing some challenges. Did you know that around 8 percent of American adults are diagnosed with ADD and/or ADHD? So not surprisingly, relationships can suffer when the problematic symptoms are ignored or not discussed with one's partner. Whether you are the person with ADHD or love someone who has the diagnosis, ADHD affects you both in important and understandable ways but please don’t lose hope…therapy can help!

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[mikewright]

The emotional dysregulation symptoms affected my relationships the most. Unfortunately, in some relationships, the partner picks up on this, even without a known ADHD diagnosis, and chooses to "weaponize" what they perceive as weaknesses on your end. In past experience, it makes for a convenient way for a bad partner to control and manipulate you.

[spirituallyconscious]

I have ADHD and the relationship I have with my girl is really hard because I get irritated really easily and don’t have patience. I don’t want to hurt her or cause any pain to her but my insecurities keeps getting the best of me. She hung up on me the other day and haven’t spoken to her since that day. I sent her a text to tell her I love her and left it at that.

[elviragomez]

In my case I’m the ADHD and I’m always the one putting out fires 🔥
And always making everyone happy and comfortable and some how, it doesn’t turn out to be good enough for no one 🥹
All while also internally dealing it’s me and my own things

[donnaallgaier-lamberti]

Yes, this is an issue for my husband and I. It is a his (undiagnosed) ADHD. as well as cognitive decline. This is causing a lot of problems for our 27-years-old marriage. The past 10 years I assumed that his memory issues were his cognitive decline. I recently. I cannot believe that I did not see this before. I am the "classic" non-ADHD partner and the anger and frustration is huge for me. I carry around the stress of carrying the entire relationship and the work for the past 27 years. I am exhausted and overwhelmed by carrying everything in our relationship and life. This is driving us apart.

[puntacocosoaps]

This sounds a lot like NPD as well. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but I think it’s more. The emotional abuse is overwhelming. I have been living with his gaslighting, blame-shifting, constant admiration, entitlement, preoccupied with fantasy and unrealistic expectations, etc. so throw that in the mix with ADHD. I hear that usually behavior disorders go along with ADHD. I believe it!

[tjj]

👍👍👍👍🙏🏻🙏🏻. Great video, I wish I knew this when I was a lot younger…. I am 55 and just realized that this what I have.

[coryashawasega]

I'm seeing a woman who has this. ADHD. I had no idea what I was getting into. I love this woman, and after 2 years of seeing her. I have such a love for her, I feel that what I do for her is never enough. I love and support her with such compassion. It's almost frustrating that she questions me, I have to remind her I Love her. I've moved mountains for her, picked her up when she was severely upset, she feels attacked by others. What I would call minimal, is a mountain for her. And after all that drama, she forgets me. And ignores me. Stonewalls me.
Cory

[kickloch]

Thank you so much for this video! Really helped me (ADHD) and my Ex (no ADHD) understand where we went all wrong. Especially the part about the feelings of shame went a long way in helping her get why I retreated so much after our arguments. Again, thank you so so much🙏🏼

[kristilee]

My ex has ADHD and bad anxiety. He was diagnosed as a child, medicated but stopped medication as a teen and adult as he hated the side affects.
Then he self medicated smoking copious amounts of cannabis to settle his ADHD and anxiety and it helped sometimes with the impulsivity & hyperactiveness, it didn't help with the attention deficit, and it also caused really noticeable paranoia insomnia & irritability yet he insisted he needed it for his ADHD. Then hated himself for it & the side affects it caused but refused to stop smoking. It was really painful to watch.
I myself have severe tinnitus, constant very loud high pitch screaming in my head which causes anxiety irritability and extreme exhaustion.
We never stood a chance.
The love was there, still is really, 5 years on, but it was just too much for both of us to tackle & we never got the help or tools to deal with ourselves let alone each other. So sad. I always felt like the adult constantly, the rescuer and personal assistant and life coach, all the while feeling that I couldn't depend on him, couldn't trust him to be there for me, felt overlooked and ignored and unimportant because he simply wasn't able to see past his own needs to see mine, and he definitely couldn't communicate whereas I am a good communicator.
This extra load whilst feeling so alone and fatigued within the relationship plus dealing with my own very debilitating condition brought a lot of toxicity to the real love we actually felt for each other and we had to end it.
We did remain friends after the initial break up and stayed loyal to each other and intimate with each other now and then for a few years after, we really wanted to see if we could repair and try again, we couldn't stay away from each other, but we should have gotten help at that point and we didn't. As much love as there clearly still was there was just as much pain & mistrust.
I think we are both still broken hearted years later & wish so much that we could have found a way to stay together and deal with it but I knew deep down and he did too that I while I was able to take it on and work through it, he wasn't. He just could not communicate at all, or make space for me, and there's nowhere to go from there is there. In the end we had to completely disengage, no contact to be able to move on. And the only way we could do that was for it to end in a disagreement, otherwise we were juat stuck in the same pattern.
So sad

[AzraelIbliz]

My partner might has ADHD undiagnosed (he is atm in the process of it) and I love him a lot. But tidyness was since we got a couple 10 years ago always a problem and the only real topic we really argue about. Since I had severe depression which I have in control now you can imagine how our home always looked.
Now that I myself have the capacity again to be more attentive and active I recognize so many little things he just does without thinking. Cleaning up when I ask him is not the problem. Keeping it clean is the problem. Little things like not putting the laundry in the basket or trowing away paper and packaing in the bin directly behind him but on the ground. Not bringing stuff back to were it belongs. Forgetting his tasks when I don't remind him to do so or ask him at the "wrong" moment. This is exhauting for me. Since I clean a space up and it's chaotic the next day. We plan to get a houshold helper and atm. I am scavaging clean up and tidy up tips and tricks to make it as easy for him as possible. I am not the most organized person myself but I try to get better. Since I am pretty stable for over a year now we finally wanna try for a child. But with the state our home is right now it's just impossible. On one hand I don't want him to have ADHD on the other we both hope if it's the case meds can help him.

[Fruit]

I have undiagnosed inattentive ADHD, and my husband has OCD. We love each other so much, it takes a lot of patience from both of us. We've been together for 14 years, married 12 years with 5 children. Ive found that water fasting and dry (fasting 25-150hrs) has helped me regain focus and pay attention to things I normally wouldn't.

[ponakka]

This is really interesting subject and i like the professional way to open up the subject, but i just can't concentrate that long. After 5 minutes i find myself doing three other things at the same time and i won't listen this any more. I was curious because i believe that me and my spouse have both adhd, so we have similar challenges, and luckily we don't fight for things we forget to do.

[northgeorgiamom]

My husband is extremely ADHD. I’m slightly. It’s been an interesting 37 years, that’s for sure. Now I also realizing that leaving the cabinet doors open (me😂) is actually part of it.

[ryanpatterson]

Great video...👍🏻..thanks. this definitely hit home for me. Good stuff

[ar-izld]

According to my experience of 1 year with adhd and childhood abuse trauma...just leave them and run...they will bring you down like no other force in this world...no offence

[Chris_Davis_music]

What about when both my partner and I have ADHD and they present exact oppositely

[fearcharmacillfhinnein]

And if ADHD leads to the not atypical behaviour of people-pleasing, i.e. not maintaining one's own boundaries and sacrificing one's needs to those of the partnership or family? Not even touched on. 🤦‍♂️ This advice ignores the typical inability of a person with ADHD to follow through on making a case for his/her point of view.

[sicanism]

me and my ADHD partner are on brick of breaking up rn. She tried to break up with me 3x already bec she lost the sparks and she can’t feel it anymore and it happened overnight. Does that mean she doesn’t have genuine feelings for me or is it just her ADHD? Or also because I dont give her the Dopamine hit anymore just like in the early stage of our relationship? Does the feelings come back? I love my girlfriend and I’m really patient and understanding so a little help would be much appropriated

[johnhall]

It’s like being with a child in an adults body, Adders don’t understand responsibility and consequences..
Massive acceptance, patience and understanding is required but definitely worth it…lots of fun can be had…😉

[binabina]

I'm a Gottman certified therapist. Just fyi, contempt does NOT exist in healthy relationships. The other three do, but contempt is a VERY bad sign.