ADHD and Relationships: Let's Be Honest

This week, I address one of the biggest problems in ADHD relationships that no one seems to talk about.

Disclaimer: to be clear, when I talk about the things we do to preserve the dopamine high, I am NOT saying everyone with ADHD does any or all of these. This part of the video is based heavily on my personal experience. Although those of us with ADHD are certainly more prone to boredom and risk-taking behavior, having ADHD is not an indicator of whether or not a person will cheat.

Read more about dopamine!

Four things ADHD brains can focus on taken from:
Puryear, Douglas A. Your Life Can Be Better, Using Strategies for Adult ADD/ADHD. Mill City Press, Inc. 2012.

Ask me questions or suggest a topic!

CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Topic Intro: ADHD & Relationships!
00:54 - What's Not Often Talked About With ADHD & Relationships?
01:08 - Cool Science Stuff! Why we get bored/disinterested!
02:10 - What Using Relationships For Dopamine Can Look Like
03:20 - Option H: Honesty
04:09 - What can honesty bring?
05:25 - Video Wrap Up & Outro

Music:
“The Future Begins Today”
by Brett Van Donsel

“Resignation“
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

"The Show Must Be Go"
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

[lauren]

That awkward moment where you cry at every one of these videos because you got diagnosed as an adult and so much makes sense now.

[zeikigai]

Anyone gets distracted looking at the comments.

[laco]

I'm ADHD and my husband has Schizophrenia. He has too much Dopamine, I don't have enough. Things are interesting, and we've been married for almost 15 years. We understand each other and read up on each other's diagnoses often to remember what we can do to help. It's a wild, beautiful relationship and I'm so lucky.

[Misanthropichell]

Hello, and seriously, Thank You. At 48 I still hadn’t gotten my world sorted out. Classic ADHD symptoms went untreated through college, military, then private sector.

Successful self medication (lots of cigarettes and caffeine), a career rife with novelty, chaos, and danger, as well as a steadfast spousal unit filled to the top with patience means I’ve been/had been exceptionally fortunate.

Until I retired at 45, I quit nicotine, found myself in a beautiful home, with a lovely wife, a pool, fancy car, etc… no chaos, no novelty, no risk, and was falling apart. The black wall of “get stuff done” had descended leaving me immobile, frozen.

Your work here on YouTube of all places may have saved my life and for sure saved my marriage of 26 years. I hadn’t realized how little I’d bothered learning about ADHD and it’s broad spectrum impacts day to day. Most importantly my better half was able to sit with me watch several of your videos, and really start to understand ME better even while I hadn’t figured much out yet.

Your charismatic, charming, and intelligent presentation though, stopped me in my tracks long enough to listen and realize that I wasn’t alone, wasn’t failing.

I’m still a hot mess, but the darkness has receded, I’m able to focus (as you can see lol), and I’ve been much better and hearing my spouse, being aware of and accepting my own chaos, as well as allowing myself to accept help. That’s huge, and you were the catalyst. Thank you, you’re awesome and you’re helping a lot of people.

[AuDazzity]

This woman was born to hold an ADHD audience with those hyperfocus-sparking eyes 😍

[rosisantana]

i love how she’s on a blank wall, it helps not get distracted anything around you and focus more on what you are saying

[angelly]

I recently found out that I have ADHD and my boyfriend sent me this video bc he said he wanted to learn more about it so we can work through the problems that come along 🥺

[seneca]

I was love-bombed by someone with ADHD and eventually, in what felt like an instant, went from the center of their universe to an afterthought. Struggled for weeks to understand what happened and after seeing this, everything makes sense to me now. So thank you from the other side for explaining it clearly and helping me take things less personally.

[chanuppuluri]

I wish someone had told me these things my whole life, instead of telling me that it's a problem with my character and I'll always be a bad person that people are just putting up with.

[roseleythelus]

To me, ADHD gives me problems in almost all my friendships, and its a huge issue, and I always feel like its my fault for what ever ruins my friendship with people.

[DiamondPugs]

"Hopefully it resonates with some of you"

*Me literally in tears*

[StoneSoupVideos]

62 years I've dealt with "severe ADHD" and every time I watch one of your vids I just cry. I too wish someone would have told me these things... 4 marriages ago....

[ianthemagus]

I never knew we got hyperfocus from deadlines but it makes sense. In high school, literally every project that was assigned two months in advance I didn't start working on until the day before it was due and I still always got an A since I just stayed up all night cranking it out because I was "on a roll".

[doop]

My girlfriend and I both have ADHD. Let's just say there is never a boring moment 😂

[ILLRICARDO]

ADHD seems to make me emotionally distant.

[뚝배기브레이커-id]

I’m south korean and I’m living in korea . I don’t know about other nations but here, , , There is a strong negative image of psychiatry in society, so people tend to hide their struggles with mental health and it makes people more harder to get better.. I am a very outspoken person for a “south korean” . I recently found out that i have an adhd . But even for me i am ashamed to say that i have it… I feel so much better when i watch your video and it really helps me understand myself so thank you so much for

[Syklonus]

I'm single, and I'm single by choice. Every relationship feels stifling to me, and it gets dull very fast. I think it's becasue the "normal" way is to slowly get to a point where you live in each other's pockets, and I just need my own space to indulge in my own stimulations. My last girlfriend decided to stay with me for two weeks, and I felt smothered becasue everything we did was a compromise. Now, that's fine. I honestly don't mind compromise, but I can't do it for extended solid blocks of time.

Fast forward to now, and I've been in a casual relationship with a neighbour of mine for 2 years. She has her own life and so do I, and we meet up maybe once a week or so and have a date night. Because we haven't seen each other in a few days there is plenty to talk about and feel stimulated with. The time in between is our own, and it works very well

[adacskipper]

I've often wondered if I'm even capable of having a meaningful long term relationship... This video's given me hope. Thank you.

[perry]

It is a challenge to stay motivated being ADHD. You run out of things that stimulate you and make you happy.

[olegkroitory]

I suffered the borderline disorder for over 23 years, with so much anxiety not until I came across psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment actually saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean.
Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms