Why Is My Boyfriend Mean to Me?

You're supposed to be in love. You're supposed to be partners. So why is he mean to you? Why does he yell at you? Why does he say those terrible things?

Being able to ask yourself, "Why is my boyfriend mean to me?" is the first step towards understanding what's going on in your relationship.

Love coach Amy Waterman from Your Brilliance reveals the motive behind his mean behavior. He's trying to shame you. When you feel shame, you don't react in an empowered way, and he can control you.

That's not okay. That's not how someone who loves you behaves.

Protect yourself with my Mirror Technique:

It's a big jump from hearing the awful things he says about you to realizing you may be in a toxic or abusive relationship. But if you want to learn more, these videos might help:

Verbally Abusive Relationships - Patricia Evans

Unexpected Signs of a Toxic Relationship

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Shouts at You

My Boyfriend Yells at Me

How Do You Stop Loving a Toxic Person?

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship

#ToxicRelationships #YourBrilliance

[wapangsenlawalling]

"one of the basic human rights that he takes away from you is the right to be angry at him . He believes that no matter what he does or how much he hurts you, he believes that the right to anger is only reserved for him and that is why irritation is visible when you pour out your emotions"

[krispetersen]

I told him I felt bad about a situation. He tells me "you are negative, negative Nancy, and it's annoying". Instead of addressing my feelings, he continues to make me feel worse. Then yells at me "what about my feelings"

[laina]

When he tells me I don't know how to act. I asked him what does that mean. He never explained it to me. He just always told me that. Made me feel bad cause I'm a good person with a good heart.

[ru.m.]

He devalues me, he is mean and yet is telling me I dont show him enough love. Aayy

[lolisdeleon]

I feel ashamed to share it with my friends and family because I don't want to seem weak. Idk maybe I am but I'm ashamed of the way I let him talk to me.

[Laurasere]

My daughter went through this, and is now going through a divorce. The atmosphere changes as soon as he’s gone, children are happier without him.

[redrumrose]

It makes me sad because it’s clear he hates me but he won’t leave me. He doesn’t want me to move on with my life, but hes clearly not even happy with me either. I just want to be free of feeling like I’m a burden. I will never be good enough for him

[alyssaronca]

I just don’t understand what makes him so angry when he knows I try my best to love and care for him, to accept his flaws and forgive. It makes me feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough for him and idk what’s so wrong with me, he used to be the sweetest nicest guy and he still is when he’s not losing his temper but it happens so often now I’m just so sad.

[alyssaking]

currently dealing with boyfriend drama. really really sad

[julesnoelle]

Last night I tried to have a conversation about a concern I had. I wasn’t even upset. He asked me if I was an idiot, told me I was autistic or something, I’m a effing dumbass if I think that way and even said I must be retarded. All I wanted to do was talk and he blew up on me. His cruel words hurt too much and he blames me for them. All I wanted was for him to communicate with me because he loves me and wants to progress with me. All he did was drive me away

[Drusilla]

My partner is so nasty to me. He's calling me a nag & a liar & had withdrawn affection. He's making me cry every day & I'm dealing with stage 4 cancer. I've never encountered such a nasty person. He claims it's due to lack of intimacy. I'm going through menopause. He's withholding intimacy now too. He seems obsessed with sex & even wanted sex the day I feel in a shop & injured my nose.

[mumsiedarkdragon]

Similar but not quite the same but I'm in this relationship. The cruel words cut so so deep.

[cassielmattingly]

Ugh I’m in a relationship like this and I want to go but I love him so much but I am tired of not being loved understood and put down every day he blames me for everything that goes wrong. It’s so hard to leave but it’s getting even harder to stay because I know love and I know life and I have no life and I barely am getting any love

[Swanselm]

My boyfriend makes me apologize to him & if i don’t he gets even more mad.
Once, all I did was ask why the rice cooker was plugged in & yeah…that went really bad. I didn’t think I said anything wrong, I just asked & it was over for me

[Debdawn]

Oh my I can’t believe I found someone that understands exactly what I’m going through and on the mean time my spout is is sitting here making fun on you.

[elaine]

Get out of the relationship and say
“Next please”

[BritKing]

Reading these comments and I can relate to literally each one! I've contributed to some of our issues in the beginning as I came I'm with behaviors and thinking patterns of the past relationships. And the fights worm him out but when I saw I could lose him I worked on myself and made massive improvements. Unfortunately he has already lost all tolerance for me and still labels me as he did in the past, he uses good things I tell him in a fight (for example, I share with him something I read that was encouraging from the Bible, during am argument he tells me "you read stories from the Bible but look how you are" carry OM watching this and that and see how unspiritual you are") I was shocked at the disrespect. Thing is I love him so much and unfortunately I would never marry him and I think he feels the same way bcz he speaks negatively about me ("you're immature, you toxic, you'll never be able to resolve issues, you can't control your emotions, you're embarrassing yourself") I ask him why don't you leave me then, he gets angry when I mention a break up, yet he can't give me 1 good reason as to why he is still with me. I know the best thing is to leave but I feel like I'm not strong enough to walk away. And also bcz it will be harder for me as I work from home and have no friends. He has a ton of friends so I no life will progress smoothly for him. It just sucks. Tired of crying. Tired of not being shown love. Infant when he's upset or giving me silent treatment I can SENSE A FEELING OF HOSTILITY towards me. I said to him I really wanna hug you bcz love means more to me than being right but I feel like you feel nothing or hate towards me and he angrily answered yes you right, I feel nothing... it's tough.. any words of wisdom? Also by the way, when there are no fights, he's a completely different person, affectionate, cheerful, sweet to me. But I can see right through his heart that he's love for me is "conditional".. in bad times, I'm alone and made to feel punished whether I'm right or wrong. Sigh... really sad

[Shanaevaz]

At least I am not the only one went threw this I'm glad it's over this.

[maffykay]

I'm with a man like this, he shamed me for asking him not to clean the rubbish bin in the kitchen sink then he started blaming my mother.

[nataliescott]

This hit me on a whole different level thankyou