The Sex-Starved Relationship

Not having enough sex in a relationship could sound like a rather trivial issue, to be laughed off in front of others. But in truth, a shortage of sex threatens relationships like almost nothing else – and deserves thought and attention.

CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with Tom Kemp

[grayalun]

It's not just about the lack of sex itself, the toll it takes when you feel rejected by the one closest to you cuts deep and makes you feel unwanted and unattractive. You feel dirty or uncaring for wanting it and it really wears you down.

[watema]

What I've learned from this channel over the years: *Lack of communication ruins **_everything._*

[AppleAbston]

1 of the most difficult things is to tell the person you love that you are feeling sexually neglected, lonely, and unwanted by them. It's a pressure that can feel so overwhelming and painful. Especially if after openly sharing it with them, they reject that or nothing changes.

[jasonmiller]

It’s the rejection for me. When you communicate and discuss your feelings and feel invalidated.

[AllisonLinner]

"When there's *enough sex it's 10%* of the relationship. When there's *no sex it's 90% of the relationship."*

[JStephen_]

I am very sex starved. And I always communicate that and how it makes me feel ugly and unwanted and self conscious about myself. And nothing ever changed. I feel like I have a roommate.

[Frei_Sinn]

I find it bewildering that we are able to share these thoughts in the comment section with totally confidence with people we never met and it feels good to share, yet in a relationship with the one person, we love, we choose for our own reasons, beliefs and feelings, it is so goddamn hard to open up and actively try to change our situations.
Crazy times...

[jeenxd]

Everyday it comes down to the question “is love enough to stay together?”Because I do love her very much, but there’s no way around our sexual incompatibility. I just wish I knew this aspect of myself before looking for anything serious

[booldawg]

Divorce; starts in the bedroom, ends in the courtroom.

[stopit]

I think you need to do a video on the emotional starved relationship, where one person puts in no effort for affection but expects sex.

[theautodidacticman_]

Intimacy is the only thing that separates a relationship from a friendship.

[SC-RGX]

Imagine feeling rejected by someone you are closest with.

[KristenMiner]

It’s so true about not wanting to ask for it, cause for me it’s not just about the sex but I want my partner to WANT it so asking is just something I don’t normally do.

[undergroundalcoholsi]

ok but why did that person marry a chicken wing?

[Divaytfyrceltic]

I am one of those men that do not like having sex all that much. I always knew this hurts my partner, but damn, this video really strikes it down to my very core. The worst part is - I love my wife, I find her attractive, I am willing to go down on her (tongue-game, you know) if she is in the mood, no problem, but I have a deep trauma. Back when I was a kid doing stupid stuff I got injured in my crotch, back than I thought that it was nothing serious, yeah I peed with blood but only once so I quickly forgot about it. But as I got older and started getting in a relationship the signs began to show. Not gonna go down on specifics as it is very hard to type this comment as it is, but I either finish very quickly because of the feeling of the injury, or, if I try to go in a normal pace - pain starts to flow. It’s not a sharp one but it is annoying enough that my libido drops and I can’t continue. The thing that wretches me the most is seeing the disappointment on her face, so it’s a constant battle between making it quick and pleasant for me or painful and with a lack of finish. Every time we try to talk about it I get panic attacks and start trembling. It’s really embarrassing for a grown ass man but it is what it is. And psychology doesn’t help either, if I try to think too much about it I also lose the mood. Never would I have thought that this will become such a problem. I visited a doctor, he told me that the operation is necessary the recovery time will be about 2 painful months. I am currently mustering up the courage to undergo it, but I’m very afraid. Sorry, random stranger, I never told anyone about it and it’s eating me up from the inside. I hope I can get an operation before it gets worse

[AtotalSTOCKER]

I honestly thought I was the issue for wanting sex and it was super scummy for me to want to break it off because of the lack of sex. I kept telling myself I'd be a horrible person to break up over such a trivial thing and it absolutely fuck me up mentally. In the end we broke up and I left feeling ashamed and as if I was the toxic gross partner. Thank you for helping me come to terms with this.

[CaitlinKoi]

This video saved my relationship with my partner. He never saw the relationship from my perspective until I showed him this. Thank you, sincerely, for handling this topic so delicately and tactfully

[kristincollins]

Sex is very important in a marriage. It releases oxytocin and serotonin. It cures headaches, lowers blood pressure, helps anxiety, burns calories and helps with your overall mood. My husband works 60-80hrs a week and is always too tired to.. He works, comes into the house, eats and passes out in his recliner. Sometimes he falls asleep in the middle of eating. He needs help at work but no one around here is qualified enough or wants to get paid but not work. I used to get mad at him but after these last 13 years, I'm over it. It's not always the woman, it can be the husband. But when your husband breaks his back to provide for his family and pays all the bills, you really just have to have some patience and understanding. I still look forward to the day he can find another shop helper and goes back to working 40 hrs a week

[maplepainttube]

Dear comment section,
Some of you are dating asexual people.
You aren’t obligated to keep dating that person, in many cases, you should break up. you aren’t a monster for wanting physical intimacy, but you can’t force them to give it to you, because then you would be a monster. Neither of you are “the problem, ” you are just incompatible. Please move on and don’t “fix” us. We are not broken.

[julieta]

I've been in this situation for 6 years. I finally had a heart to heart conversation with him about this 2 months ago. There were some changes for about 3 weeks then we are now back to no sex. After having the conversation and seeing things go back to the way they were before I've since lost all the feelings of attraction towards him and i dont care about the relationship anymore. I'll no longer try and I'll never ever lift even a finger to try and fix anything that i would want improved in the relationship again. Let it die a natural death. Im done