Psychiatrist on Burnt Out Students

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#perfectionism #psychology #mentalhealth

[Muhluri]

"falling behind" is definitely a thing in school. Even the teachers use these words.

The school system is the reason we think like this on the first place

[strailz]

Dr. K once said "a gifted student is also a special needs student. A student with special needs that school doesn't supply." Gifted students have this issue almost ubiquitously.

[wanderingrandomer]

As a high achiever at school, the idea of 'perfect' was just 'better than me', which is particularly damaging because as I improve, so does the bar, and I can by design, never catch up. I've always valued intelligence very highly, and I get very frustrated when I can't just know something straight away. Learning is fun, but being bad at something sucks and I hate it. It's like a thorn in my mind, and I feel the urge to get better at it even if I don't really care. Perfectionism for me comes with the crushing realisation that I will never know everything.

[charvisaur]

I'm an artist/musician and perfectionism has crippled my motivation to create. This is precisely the video I needed.

[Drystan-zx]

For me, perfectionism has always been a premature defense measure against rejection. By striving to constantly "be better" or "catch up", I really just wanted to prevent the possibility of being disliked, rejected or looked down upon. After all, what employer would reject a perfect job applicant or what who would reject a relationship with a "perfect" partner. The reality is that we will experience rejection no matter what we do. So instead of trying to prevent it by "improving" ourselves we need to learn to just tank the hit. Being a perfectionist is the psychological equivalent of walking through town with a boxers guard up at all times, just in case someone wants to hit us.

[aertysu]

To me, perfection is like wanting to get from first floor to second floor. The difference between a person under perfectionism and a person with regular expectations is that the person with regular expectations understand that they need to take the stairs to get up to the second floor: one small step at a time. (Maybe two if you're like me lol). The perfectionist on the other hand, thinks that in order for them to reach the second floor, they need to jump up from the first floor, in one go. It sounds ridiculous, but because perfectionists cannot do anything that is not reaching their perfectionist goal in a single go, that is the only option they think they have. Because that achieving that goal immediately is the only thing on their mind.

[marcraven]

"Strive for progress, not perfection". I heard this from a Youtuber that play and makes content about Tekken 7. Now I always think of it whenever the thought of catching up and being perfect crosses my mind. I just need to make progress.

[halx]

So this exact experience killed my life, and nearly every potential to experience joy. I'm absolutely stunned to find that my experience is not that unique. I've found that nearly everyone can relate to this somewhat, but not to the degree of more or less complete paralysis where I ended up. I did the same thing this kid did: at first I overachieved, but it quickly became too exhausting and difficult to hit my own unrealistically high bar for myself. Eventually my reward system sort of atrophied, a kind of anhedonia. I ended up descending into addiction and total non-functionality for almost 3 decades. I would love to communicate directly with this person so I can share what I've learned.

[jesussavesispend]

“What’s actually holding you back and what’s dictating your life is an emotion. The more stronger the emotion is, the more you think it is reality, when in actuality the less likely it is to be real. We tend to think that our mind is a hundred percent accurate. And we let our feelings of inadequancy dictate what we actually do”.

so powerful words, thank you goodness for that

[nozempie]

I can relate to this so much. The funny thing is that apparently making mistakes and having a growth mindset of learning from them is the best way for your brain to make permanent changes. It's so counter-intuitive on both a psychological and physiological level. Letting go of the expectations really hit me hard, even writing this comment is sabotaged. Even having the expectation of not having expectations is something you have to let go. It's a real battle.. but I guess this is a step that I'm taking.

[podpoe]

as a recovering perfectionist i agree with this 100%. actually adressing the embarassment and shame i felt about coming in to class with homework that wasnt finished, and feeling that the teacher would think less of me, was what actually helped me move forward and out of depression. Identify the feeling you get when you think about not being perfect, then slowly expose yourself to that feeling a bit at a time. and set your goal as progress. dont measure how far in the dorection, just set the direction. 💙

[dapkap]

I am a university student and my exams/assignments paid a huge toll on my mental health that I reached that point where nothing matter anymore. I am totally careless about my studies now and feeling so very afraid of failing yet so very burnt out to open a book

[WanderTheNomad]

"Feelings don't care about your facts"

[kaby]

0:46 someone in chat "my vacuum cleaner just imploded" some ppl are so freakin random LMAO

[longers]

Oh boy I really needed this. I came to the realization a few weeks ago that I'm a perfectionist. I tend to avoid things that I won't succeed at the first time. Even when I'm playing video games, I'll look up the optimal way to play and stick to it. I've fallen behind in my workload because things piled up and I tend to shut down when there's too much to tackle at once. It's something my supervisor noticed and pointed out once during a 1:1 meeting. This video came at the perfect time. I've been trying to figure out how to get over my need for perfection.

[netoxis]

this reminds me of an early stream of Dr K about procastination saying "there is no FIRST step there is only A step"

[Tanishq.K_Editor]

I am not a perfectionist. I am lazy and I procrastinate a lot but I also do maladaptive daydreaming I make these complex plots and characters in my daydreams probably based on shows I've watched and games I've played and the plot keeps changing based on how I am feeling. When I am feeling sad/frustrated/offended the plot of my daydream changes to me just destroying the universe and when I am feeling good(generally happens after I eat food or watch a wholesome video) I just become a saint in my daydream and everyone loves me and it give me a lot of dopamine I even start crying sometimes. One thing that doesn't change about the daydreams is that I am the center of everything and as soon as I start questioning "why am I the center of everything? I am nowhere near as important in real life!" I just start stressing out regardless of how good the daydream was. Also I usually start walking in my house with my headphones mostly listening to rock/hip-hop.

[iou]

I’ve never felt so called out in my entire life as I did at 10:11

I tried talking to my therapist about this but could not describe it half as eloquently as you have in this video. I can only imagine how many people’s lives and mental health have been improved by the work you are doing.

[charlesm.]

This hits home.
I once was considered a kid with potential. I met the président régionnal (french version of a governor) after getting the best grades of the whole département. I was curious, easy going, joyful, persistent, ready to take on any obstacles coming my way.
Fast forward a few years later and I dropped out at 14, caged myself into loneliness and depression. I had no motivation, I wasn't expecting anything out of life. And even now, I work for a web dev agency, meaning I work from home and don't socialize. I live in the present and choose not to start things that involves efforts because I'm affraid people would see me fail.

From seeing my family proud and framing the article to the wall to feeling like a prototype of who I should be. Pressure is damaging and is often doing worse than good.

[salmonrice]

I hardly make any comments in youtube, but this one hit me on the core.
For many years, people beileved me as the 'perfect student' who win regional Physic Olimpiade, and graduated nicely on Architecture student (GPA 3, 43/4.00). In highschool, I do what people expected me to do with top defined score (around 8, 4/10 around all lesson in Indonesia) and In College, I do
what I really passion for (journalism, game design, graphic design, creative writting).

After graduated, I realized none of my passion really matters, and being shout off due to my lack of skills on architecture (at that time due to stress and overwhelmed with deadlines). Now, I'm back to my parents basement, to see that my younger siblings ended up as entrepreneur and much more successfull in any way. I abandoned my degree due to failed hold on to the stress issue. And worked at home as 9 to 5 worker, realized it was useless to follow those passion in the first place. I -literally- was stucked and every time I see someone younger than me, achieved those dreams with bright optimism, I feel like... Damn... What the f*ck I've been doing all my life? What's the point of learning Physic Olimpiade, keep active on reading if all of it not bring a worth of penny. I shunned from my hobbies and prefer more - immediate reward, closed all love relationship because none of it matter to make money, decided is it worth it to meet up with friends whether they give me more higher up connection or not..

Thanks... I thought I was the only one who was broken or mentally ill. I'm really... really damn grateful this content come at the right time.