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How To Kill A Marriage: Part 1: Be as Selfish as Possible
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My husband is so selfish. My wife is so selfish. My partner does not care about me. My partner does not understand me. Selfishness in marriage. Selfishness in a relationship. Establishing a culture of appreciation. Yup…that’s where we’re going.
Recently, Keith was washing his car and began to think about relationships. Specifically, he was thinking about selfishness. In any relationship, there will be times of disagreement. We all know this; however, it seems to come back to “I want this, though….I’m going to argue thru this because I want, I want.”
You’ve got to put the shoe on the other foot. You’ve got to somehow look at the situation thru the lens of the other person. The other person is invested in the outcome, not trying not to be a jerk. The other person is invested in the outcome not just to win. The other person is invested in the outcome due to fear and dream in conflict.
Chuck shares about how selfishness gets a bad wrap. He explains about the difference between smart selfish and silly selfish. Smart selfish is taking care of my needs. We eat selfishly. We breathe selfishly. We go to the gym selfishly. We even take time for ourselves selfishly. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, there’s a lot right with that. Silly selfish is taking care of my needs and it matters little or not at all if I hurt others in the process. I walk on you to get to my needs and I hurt you and I don’t care.
Chuck then shared of a recent conversation with a wife who was interested in coming in for an marriage intensive with her husband. However, she was still on the fence about whether or not it was the best thing to do. Chuck asked her if she wanted it to work? Suppose they come for a marriage intensive and it works…it is successful. Shen then wins the prize and the prize is her husband. Does she want to win? Does she want him? She replied, “No, not if he doesn’t change.”
She continued to describe how her husband does not see things from her perspective. And, in addition to that, he does not see things from the perspective of others either. They continued to talk at it boiled down to her heart’s desire that her husband demonstrate his love for by letting her know that she mattered and that he desired to really, really understand her.
Questions and Topics from Tonight’s Show
My husband is so selfish.
My wife is so selfish.
My partner does not care about me.
My partner does not understand me.
Selfishness in marriage.
Selfishness in a relationship
Establishing a culture of appreciation.
Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE!
Here is our social media that you can FOLLOW for updates and posts:
Facebook - @boldneverbitter
Twitter - @boldneverbitter
Below are links to other videos in a series regarding how to make great repairs and have great relationships...
Hi, everyone! Thanks for checking out Tabletop Coffee on YouTube! By trade, Keith Dunn is a Network Computer Engineer, and Chuck Rodgers is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Together, they are Tabletop Coffee. We love coffee, we love to chat, and we love to do life well. Our purpose, as our Tagline says, is to do life well by being Bold and never Bitter.
****PLEASE READ****
****Disclaimer****
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911, or your local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency department for care. Information provided with this channel is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice and is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship. The information provided is strictly informational. You should not use information on this website or the information on links or products from or featured on this site or the content on this YouTube channel (or any part thereof) to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease. For any of these or related issues, please consult a qualified professional.
Recently, Keith was washing his car and began to think about relationships. Specifically, he was thinking about selfishness. In any relationship, there will be times of disagreement. We all know this; however, it seems to come back to “I want this, though….I’m going to argue thru this because I want, I want.”
You’ve got to put the shoe on the other foot. You’ve got to somehow look at the situation thru the lens of the other person. The other person is invested in the outcome, not trying not to be a jerk. The other person is invested in the outcome not just to win. The other person is invested in the outcome due to fear and dream in conflict.
Chuck shares about how selfishness gets a bad wrap. He explains about the difference between smart selfish and silly selfish. Smart selfish is taking care of my needs. We eat selfishly. We breathe selfishly. We go to the gym selfishly. We even take time for ourselves selfishly. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, there’s a lot right with that. Silly selfish is taking care of my needs and it matters little or not at all if I hurt others in the process. I walk on you to get to my needs and I hurt you and I don’t care.
Chuck then shared of a recent conversation with a wife who was interested in coming in for an marriage intensive with her husband. However, she was still on the fence about whether or not it was the best thing to do. Chuck asked her if she wanted it to work? Suppose they come for a marriage intensive and it works…it is successful. Shen then wins the prize and the prize is her husband. Does she want to win? Does she want him? She replied, “No, not if he doesn’t change.”
She continued to describe how her husband does not see things from her perspective. And, in addition to that, he does not see things from the perspective of others either. They continued to talk at it boiled down to her heart’s desire that her husband demonstrate his love for by letting her know that she mattered and that he desired to really, really understand her.
Questions and Topics from Tonight’s Show
My husband is so selfish.
My wife is so selfish.
My partner does not care about me.
My partner does not understand me.
Selfishness in marriage.
Selfishness in a relationship
Establishing a culture of appreciation.
Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE!
Here is our social media that you can FOLLOW for updates and posts:
Facebook - @boldneverbitter
Twitter - @boldneverbitter
Below are links to other videos in a series regarding how to make great repairs and have great relationships...
Hi, everyone! Thanks for checking out Tabletop Coffee on YouTube! By trade, Keith Dunn is a Network Computer Engineer, and Chuck Rodgers is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Together, they are Tabletop Coffee. We love coffee, we love to chat, and we love to do life well. Our purpose, as our Tagline says, is to do life well by being Bold and never Bitter.
****PLEASE READ****
****Disclaimer****
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911, or your local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency department for care. Information provided with this channel is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice and is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship. The information provided is strictly informational. You should not use information on this website or the information on links or products from or featured on this site or the content on this YouTube channel (or any part thereof) to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease. For any of these or related issues, please consult a qualified professional.
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