Healing Betrayal Trauma: Why 'Let's Just Talk About It Later' Doesn't Work

It’s a typical scenario: the betrayed wants or needs to talk, and the unfaithful just doesn’t have it in them at the moment. Enter the phrase that appears to diffuse the situation, yet only exacerbates the entire process of healing: ‘let’s just talk about it later.’ I’m sure you know the rest; the truth is, “later” very seldom ever comes. The unfaithful struggles to find their words and hold on to themselves, and not circle the drain in shame. The betrayed is pining away, needing to talk and process their hurt and pain with their mate or partner, but is denied this opportunity to connect and emote. The result is often frustration, disconnection and eventually, rage. Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way; both betrayed and unfaithful alike can create safety for each other to share their pain and hurt in a way that is gracious and unaccusing. Today, Samuel shares insight into how to overcome this Bermuda triangle-like issue with direct and practical suggestions to help both partners heal.

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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
 - Amanda, Florida

HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[katceeee]

Amen. And that's why after 10+ years of future faking, unfulfilled promises and commitments, refusal to do any recovery work, living in denial, more lies and more betrayals, and soul/heart/mind crushing narcissistic abuse, I'm finally done. I'm done praying, waiting, and hoping for him to be the Godly, faithful man he convinced me he was going to be 11 years ago. 😭

[JesusMotherMaryStJoseph]

When a betrayed spouse gets a reply of "Stop playing the victim. I have changed." Thank you for this video!

[kengarvin]

Thirty six years later, still will not talk. VERY, VERY frustrating, damaging, and painful

[robertmullen]

Hi Samuel. Another awesome and helpful video. I always want to say "best video ever", but honestly, there are so many great ones,
it would be hard to choose. Your timing is always perfect for our situation. We've actually scheduled time to watch this together tomorrow.
Just planning and scheduling that is a big step for her. Thanks for all your help. I do appreciate you, and all the people at Affair Recovery.

[s.shumway]

I asked for help for us for years, but he couldn’t because he was too angry with me. He’s the one that cheated multiple times (of course I “made” him do it), but he was too angry with me. He drug out getting help for years, so I had to just start healing myself.

[marycooler]

Wow! I never comment but this time I have to say thank you! This is perfect for where we are right now!!!!

[FloMorganBuffaloBills]

I marriage a big butt procrastinator in the world. Talk later, do the steps later, take time for you later. Well now we are separated, and I am looking into dating apps. Yes I told my wayward, yet I am later. I am sick of him waiting till my bedtime to talk about this stuff, so I can't sleep until almost dawn.

[katsarti]

Thankyou the Progress not Perfection."....arrrrgh

[paulthomas]

We used to talk honestly and frankly but everything and everyone became more of a priority until she strayed. Now it’s catch as catch can and avoidance. I’m starting to feel apathetic like I’m starting not to care.

[paulthomas]

We used to talk honestly and frankly but everything and everyone became more of a priority until she strayed. Now it’s catch as catch can and avoidance. I’m starting to feel apathetic like I’m starting not to care.