Understanding your core wounds

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[AmethystWoman]

I had a therapist who used to say "don't go to the hardware store for lettuce." That works for trying to find empathy etc from people, esp family, parents, who just don't have it to give.

[NarcSurvivor]

Whenever the narcissist triggers you to react, that is your core wound. A narcissist will only show you everything you need to heal.

[calliemtb]

if you don't heal what hurt you, you bleed on those who did not cut you

[catiacbertelli]

Big to Dr. Ramani and to all people struggling but never giving up! ❤️

[Ash-hbcj]

My core wounds started with my narcissistic mother/grandmother. They were abusive to me during my childhood and as an adult. Always felt like a loser/failure. After awhile I just got sick of it. I was miserable due to a label they gave me.A lot of survivors of narcissist abuse like myself don’t realize we have a choice especially with family. That my story doesn’t have to read like a tragedy, I can rewrite it. Coming to that realization was the best thing to come out of this pandemic for me personally.

[avgonyma]

This is a part of 5-part series:
- Core wounds
- Core values
- Core beliefs
- Core fears
- Core hopes

By doing the CORE work, you will be better suited in overcoming narcissistic relationships.

CORE wounds:
- are primal
- are the psychological injuries from childhood that never fully healed (they didn't heal properly and they hurt)
- can be the side effect of: early trauma, abandonment, neglect, bullying, inconsistency, invalidation, gaslighting, abuse.
- they can be: feeling not good enough, feeling not ever chosen, feeling hopelessness in relation to abuse, unsafe in the world, being descriminated, not being seen or heard, abandonment rejection wounds, not being noticed, being blamed, being a scapegoat
- they are triggered by events in our life

Example:
- you are interviewing, getting rejected, the rejections are killing you, your rational mind can't understand your phisical reaction.

We all have them.
The best is to identify/recognize them.

(The core wounds are the central issue why someone gets into a narcissistic relationship, and gets stuck in them and has a hard time healing afterwords. They are the key to trauma- bond. They are activated by the trauma-bond and constantly activated in that relationship, and makes the narcissistic relationship so intriguing, in an attempt to work it trough. It's a constant pinging of the core wound. So it can set you back to childhood trauma.

What to do about them?
- identify them (e.g. with therapy)
- recognize them
- bring them into the light
This will make them less scarry, allow us to be more compassionate. Become more aware why situations are more painful to us, why we become reactive at certain times and why we are completely exhausted after certain encounters.

It may teach us to take a more critical look at why we do things that are not good for us, and not do things that are good for us.

How to identify them?
- journaling
- meditating
- therapy
- mentally exploring our own mind
(Recognising when you react strongly, less than adaptive behaviour).

What to do with this knowledge?
- coexist with them
- increase empathy
- don't judge them, but accept them
- be more mindful in situations

[eddierayvanlynch]

There's a great amount of relief when you stop wishing someone will say the things they've never said, act the way they've never acted, or be who they've never been.
If you can do that, you will realize that not being loved by them does not mean you were ever unlovable... and it never, ever has.
- Zoe Zantamata

This quote ⬆️ is for all who are doing the heavy lifting to grow.
Thanks again Dr. Ramani
👍😎

[michellesantiago]

For many years I would pretend I wasn’t affected by my childhood and I would end up in relationships that were abusive and with narcissistic people.
It wasnt until I went to therapy and addressed my core wounds of fear of abandonment and neglect from my family (mother and father ) and that i was looking for that love in a partner usually a narc.
I strongly suggest to everyone go to therapy and talk to someone about what hurts that’s the best way to do it.
I feel 10 times better now and I can say that I’m on my way to be happy❤️

[robinsmith]

I discovered being abandoned by my parents created my insecurities. I was loved by my parents but not valued as an individual that needed nurturing. I became an enabler trying to keep my mother happy. Happy mother, meant surviving.
Today… no anger. I discovered and listed my strong core values on paper. I had to see them. I continue to work at functioning daily with knowledge of those blessings. My core values help me stop and redirect thoughts, acts, and attitude. Yup, when my attitude is healthy I make healthier choices. I have set boundaries with confidence not revenge. I have set boundaries because of love for myself and those who abuse me. Thank you Dr. grateful. Living happy.

[jonahlefholtz]

You're so helpful. Healing isn't linear, and I know that logically, but every time I circle back to some spot that activates my traumatized parts, I feel completely destabilized and bewildered. This video was grounding and reminded me that I'm actually ok, and just reacting to old wounds that will probably always ache, and that reality makes me feel mournful, but helps me remember to love myself the way I needed when I was a hurting child, rather than take on the voices of my family of origin to berate myself because of its almost seductive familiarity.

[indianuk]

I’m trying my best to heal my core wounds, so I don’t chase people out of trauma and fear of abandonment. Being single is the best thing.

[ardent]

narcissists and manipulators, especially the one's in your family can pick up on these core wounds and really make you squirm, the wound is how narcissists of the world enter your life. The female narcissist that I had a relationship with was the first one to make me aware that I had a void, an emptiness that I didn't know I had. Coming back to my family who operate with low psychological insight and low emotional intelligence I was able to learn where my wound was created. For a long time I always had a feeling that I was different, that something was wrong with me or off about me and something was off about the world, after much deeper learning about narcissism over the past 3 years I don't have the feeling anymore, I know what the issue is now.

[gianniclaud]

This helped me to understand why moving back with family was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, I couldn't understand why I wasn't healing - no matter how much I did to "heal" my traumas. I'm literally living with my kryptonite.

[brightbite]

My body knew what happened to me before my conscious mind did. Pains. Awful ones. Then panic, knowing the truth.

[karinfuchs]

Dearest Dr Ramani, your natural beauty looks sooo gorgeous, it fits so well to the spontaneity of the way you teach us. You completely changed my life, opened my eyes and made my whole life and traumas make sense now at age 46. I study thoroughly all of your content and it is really helping me heal my lifelong wounds as a scapegoated child, finally knowing that all disvalue, humiliation, gaslighting and abusive behaviors since my childhood doesn't have any power over me anymore. Thank you form all my heart.

[gertrudewest]

I deal with my core wound by literally rubbing my shoulders, hugging myself and saying out loud, “Gertie, it’s okay. You’ve got this. This is hard but you can do hard things. In fact, you’re good at it!”

You know, stuff my parents should have said whenever difficult situations arose instead of beating their kids. It’s caused me to go into a panic attack whenever an adverse situation arose (shaking, trembling, brain shutdown). And of course, it was all my fault in their eyes being so weak and unstable.

So not true.

Whenever I feel like I am falling into that faulty sense of self, I envision Dr. R’s powerful body language standing on stage giving her TED talk.

[deadislander]

I can't believe even when things are hard Dr Ramani still gives us these amazing videos. If you ever need a day off Dr we will understand. But if they actually help rather than drain, keep making em!

[LEM]

Yes!!! I’m here for this! Through therapy I learned my core value is that “good things/actions/behavior deserves (begets) great rewards”. I gained that core value as a child by consistency in being selected as class leader or president of (fill in the blanks), participating in public speaking and athletics….I got rewards for work well done and for how my character and behaviors showed up in good rapport. I was the one loved by all (teachers, other adults and the good people in my community) because I was that kid who was able to set myself apart by being trustworthy and by being an achiever striving to be better.
This was disrupted when I realized my value, worth and work as a wife and mother did NOT garner great reward. My husband tore my core up by betraying me and by abusing my mindset, destroying my trust, and breaking my heart. In short, my good deeds as woman and wife and mother did not and will not result in the sunset years with the man I had hoped and dreamed it would be. By no means am I perfect, but I recognize now that nothing about who I am as a woman, mother and now grandmother is the reason for this outcome.

[toucheturtle]

I have learned to ignore the triggers exposed by narcissistic people, but I’m not infallible.Recognising when to walk away has helped me a lot. Your help has been invaluable.

[ZohaibSpeaks]

I thought I am the only one having these difficulties. Thank you so much DoctorRamani for gathering us under your umbrella.