Is Physical Attraction Important? | Christian Dating Advice

Today I'm sharing 5 thoughts on a question I get all the time: Should I date him even though I'm not attracted to him? James and I talk more about this idea in Tip #4 of this video:
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[harbar]

If you have given the relationship an honest try out and you do not find yourself to be physically attracted to the person, end the relationship. It is not fair to either person involved. A man needs to feel wanted by his woman and he will know that she is simply not truly willing.

[lisasunshine]

My experience has been that not all people “grow into” attraction. Be careful with this because you may spend your life waiting for it to never happen. 😕 Some guys look great on paper, but the chemistry never arrives.

[decekfrokfrmdx]

Male perspective: Please, please don't date us if you don't think we're at least reasonably attractive. Realising that a girl I was dating had no real physical attraction to me was the most hurtful and traumatising thing that ever happened to me. It resurrected my teenage battle with body dysmorphia and bodybuilding drugs, had me googling plastic surgery clinics, etc., etc. Men (and of course women too) have a right to be desired as well as loved by their girlfriends/boyfriends and eventually wives/husbands.

Just have some empathy and put yourself in the man's shoes for a second - how would you feel if a guy you were dating told you after some time that he wasn't really physically attracted to you but was 'growing' to like you over time? How ugly and disgusting would that make you feel? I just don't understand how it's considered acceptable for women to say things like this to men.

[caribbeankpoplover]

Totally agree Tiff! And you don't want your marriage to be you continuously forcing yourself to be attracted to someone. If that person was sent by God to you, attraction should be something that's present and not forced!

[madisonthomas]

I love this! When I first met my now fiance, I thought he was cute but wasn't super duper attracted but I agreed to a date to get to know him because he was so nice! Now because I know his personality on a deep level he is THE MOST attractive person I've ever met! Yes, hes not the most attractive person in every room but he's so attractive to me because of who he is which makes both inside and outside perfect to me!

[lauram.]

I agree, and it goes both ways! Marry a guy who thinks you are gorgeous and attractive, even without makeup, even first thing in the morning. That guy is out there, I promise. It's very hard to be in a relationship with a guy who is critical or picky about your looks.

[justathoughtmyfriend]

Rule of thumb: If you have to force physical attraction, don't waste theirs or your time. The guilt that comes with meeting a nice guy that I simply am not physically attracted to, but has other inner attributes that mesh well feels like settling. It's settling because it's as if I'm never going come across such a person again, so I might as well snag on to it. No, that is risky and the last thing you want to do is lead a guy/girl on and waste their time. Remember, men and women can just be friends.

[ellona]

22, went on my first date yesterday. Yes he was nice, a follower of Christ but I wasn't attracted to him physically. I was the person who cares more about character but it made me realized attraction is also important.

[halinkap]

In my experience many handsome and "hot" guys turn out to be rotten spoiled and superficial inside.
I thought my husband was ok, kind of cute when we first met. Now 22 years into marriage I truly feel he is handsome! When I tell him he laughs "since when?"

[d.raeoreos]

I stumbled upon your channel by accident one day, and let me tell you, it's been SUCH a blessing to me. You've answered so many questions I've had that i really can't go to anyone about. So, even though you may not have a huge amount of followers or views, you are having a huge impact on girls' lives. Thank you Tiffany for doing what you do!!

[dreamwishergirl]

Yes you should ! Also this is how temptations like adultery could happen if you were married to someone you aren’t attracted to. Also If you aren’t attracted to someone, the physical part of your relationship might be bad, where again adultery /lust could happen. Also on the other side of the coin, what if you found out your significant other wasn’t attracted to you ? It would probably make you feel bad and make you feel not good enough to be with that person. So yes physical attraction is very important !

[beatriceharne]

LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! Reminds me of a beautiful quote :)

“You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think 'not bad, they're okay', and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just they turn into something so beautiful...”

There are so many levels to attraction - as human beings we are body and soul, not just a personality, but also not just a physical body.

[Fashionbykileyblog]

When I say that I wasn’t initially attracted to my boyfriend physically, it does not mean that he is ugly, or that I think he is ugly. When I met him, I thought he was good-looking (I definitely wasn’t repulsed by his looks), but what gave me butterflies initially was his kind heart. He is so compassionate and loving towards other people, He loves God and is incredibly insightful, our conversations can go on and on about deep topics and he is a very good listener when I need to vent. I could make a never ending list about what a beautiful person he is, and that is what attracted me first. There was never a feeling of “oh I think he’s kinda ugly” (if that were the case, then ladies, I would not suggest being in a relationship like that) but I also didn’t initially ogle over his hotness, it’s not really something I thought about when I began to like him. As our relationship has grown, the more my love has grown, the more I’ve noticed and appreciated his “God-given hotness” as I like to say 😂. I never found him ugly, but I’ve definitely grown into becoming more attracted to his physical appearance. Personally, this has been good for me, because when I was younger I would crush on guys solely because of their appearance, when in reality, if I were to have actually dated them, their personalities definitely wouldn’t have meshed with mine, and it would have left me feeling broken and hurt. Now I have someone who completely loves me for who I am, and the attraction I’ve had for him has grown more dynamic. I don’t want people to think that it is always bad for someone to be initially attracted to a person based on their physical appearance (it’s not), I just felt like sharing my story.

[candaceregina]

You need to be attracted to anyone you date because infidelity becomes more of a risk if not.

[godschildheavynscentsommer]

I concur! People have given me grief galore over this topic!!! In addition to being godly, I want to be attracted to him overall. He doesn't have to be the most attractive, but attractive to me spiritually, relationally, and physically. Though I am a health nut, I was attracted to a guy with a big ole' belly because I was attracted to his intellect (smile). Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Thanks for the video!

[HeyitsJade]

I needed this. I’m talking to a guy who loves Jesus and incredibly sweet, but I’m not attracted at And I feel like if I dated him I would be settling and constantly looking at other guys if we got married. It’s only been two weeks so maybe it’ll grow, but I’m doubting it

[NONAME-vldn]

Men need a channel like this where the advice isn't just Brow-beating on how horrible we are.

[jccarty]

I've never understood the need to ask. Attraction matters. It goes without saying. I REALLY wanna fancy my partner. And yes I mean physically. Obviously it's not the be all and end all but...ATTRACTION MATTERS.

[jessicafelix]

Hardest situation I’ve been in 😞. Been dating for a year and he’s an amazing guy...but even though I’ve tried to grow into it, I’m not attracted to him in that way. Sucks Bc I do love being around him and I don’t wanna lose him he’s my best friend and I don’t wanna hurt him. But i wanna be attracted to my partner 🙁

[TheTifier]

A fire can grow, but sparks and kindle are needed to start it.