What Causes Avoidant Personality Disorder?

This video describes some of the etiological theories for avoidant personality disorder. Possible etiological factors for avoidant personality disorder include genetics, trauma, physical abuse, and neglect. Lower levels of the expression of parental love and pride, parental intolerance, and guilt-engendering parental behavior are also associated with the development of avoidant personality disorder. A trait named behavioral inhibition is associated with avoidant personality disorder. Behavioral inhibition includes shyness, avoiding new experiences, avoiding strangers, and increased sensitivity and anxiety reactivity. Behavioral inhibition is a temperamental factor that is largely thought of as genetic.
One theory of why neglect and abuse and behavioral inhibition appear to be tied to the development of avoidant personality disorder is that the neglect and emotional abuse caused feelings of worthlessness. A person can feel that they are re not worthy of being loved because of the way they were treated. they don't see others as safe or supportive as they grow up so they tend to develop feelings of mistrust. This mistrust can be viewed as arrogant and it can make other people not want to interact with that individual. This leads to increased isolation, which leads back to a lower level of trust. There is a cycle that gets started with the abuse and the neglect and carries on into adolescence and adulthood.

[Dogcatlover]

My shyness and quietness was shamed when I was growing up. I grew up believing something was wrong with me.

[LesterBrunt]

The most annoying phrase in my life “You’re so quiet!”.

[quickpstuts]

My parents never helped me with any emotional issues and I always felt I had to deal with things by myself. They weren't major issues but I just remember never feeling comfortable ever opening up if I had sadness, anxiety or negative emotions. So maybe emotional neglect is my issue. My parents weren't good with dealing with communication when they were upset. Maybe I was never taught to handle negative things. I never even desired a family due to fear of opening up to people. I've gotten really good at faking around people so people assume I'm more social or happier than I really am inside. I feel like my whole life has been an act. No one really knows the real me.

[Geep]

i think it’s caused by parents that blow up at their kids for every mistake and therefore in adult hood fear that outburst coming at every confrontation

[janettejack]

I'm sick of being called anti social, boring and a loner. The thing is I so desperately want a connection with people and a bunch of friends. It makes me so frustrated and paralysed !!!

[jackgalmitz]

Cut to the quick: when a person undergoes constant ridicule and their sense of self is attacked by others, then they (me) will most certainly develop a tendency to avoid social contact. You seem to be looking for early childhood traumas as causative, but I assure you a grown man/woman will develop avoidance socially if they are abused by others.

[navajodoll]

This made me cry because I am so lonely and have always been a “outcast” . I wish I was easy going.

[MarxistKnight]

I feel guilty because I have AVPD and severe depression, even though I have a very loving and supportive family. However, from talking with a counsellor for almost 2 years, I've realised how my family unintentionally put me down a lot or made me doubt myself without realising it. Like, if ever I wanted to try something new, their first reaction would be to talk me out of it because they were overly protective, or if I made a decision or answered a question, they'd always say "are you sure?" or "what do you want to do that for?". For instance, I went to do a triathlon the other week and although when I finished they were immensely proud, when I first told them, their reaction was "what?? Do you really think you can do that? I think you'll struggle."

You don't have to suffer something akin to 'abuse' to develop deep insecurities or anxieties in early life.

[Rosie-ue]

"of course you don't have any friends all you did was sit at home" After constantly being bullied everywhere at school.

[lucywhite]

I seem to fall into the minority of people with AVPD who weren't physically abused, but suffered neglect and emotional abuse growing up.

[sdw_taylor]

I can't make a phone call or answer. It makes life hell

[lunagregoria]

I grew up with a core value “treat people the way you want to be treated” so I was nice and supportive to others. But when I became an adult I was around controlling, inflexible and mean people that made me feel weak for being kind. It caused confusion and anxiety. The expectation was that people would return the kindness, but they didn’t. I couldn’t go out without getting hurt, so I stopped giving people chances to hurt me.

[HighSierraDawn]

There was nowhere that was safe. No soft place to fall. No love. No belonging anywhere. Only mocking, ridicule, beatings. To this day I wall myself in and hide tiptoeing around my own house as if someone is going to come around the corner and scream, hurt, or embarrass me in front of people. Moving almost 2000 miles away thinking that getting away from the abuser would make that feeling of not being accepted go away and it never does. I will never be good enough. Never be perfect enough.

[CatEyedGoddess]

For me I grew up in a NPD household. My mother told me how much of a disappointment I was and it was my fault her life was messed up. I was screamed at constantly, made fun of constantly, if my mother and I were in the house together for 2 straight days, we wouldn't see each other at all. When I started hanging out with ppl I realized I was completely different from them. They were comfortable in their skin, were able to be themselves and expression themselves. All of this was foreign to me, overwhelming and I had no clue how to be like that. I was the quiet awkward girl, so I was easily made fun of. I wanted to date and have a bf but I wasn't allowed to, didn't know how and no guys knew I existed. Ppl would tried and hook me up but my insecurities would prevent me from going or I would be super quiet when I did go. I was labeled boring with no personality. I am in my late 30s now and still suffer from this. But here is the thing, I want to get out there but I really don't know how and am amazed at ppl who can just socialize like breathing. It takes some much just for me to go to a relative's house.

[gregoryagogo]

There's a large degree of 'sensitivity' for me. Everything is overwhelming, and to remedy those feelings I avoid...which I didn't even know I was doing until last few years. By 48, the pattern is set... all of my life choices led me to being in a small box, that is now painful.

[simeonstarr]

I'm almost 60 and still dealing with this shit....🤬

[aryanmia]

I've lost count of how many times I have wished to be dead than to wake up to another day of agonising suffering. Because my wounds are inside me no one knows or can see how big they are. I merely exist, I don't have a life!

[pilgrim]

I stumbled across this video... Until now, I’ve never heard of “avoidant personality disorder” but from the description, it sounds like me. I come from a broken home, nothing but fighting parents all the time dragging me into it, each parent using me as leverage against the other! Now, I’m 45 years old (in a few days) and I’m single and keep to myself. I have no interest in marriage or having an emotional/intimate relationship with anyone! I have the greatest friends anyone could ever wish for but I prefer my solitude. If I’m out in public and I see someone I know, I will do all I can to get away from them because I just want to be left alone and it makes me anxious when I have to socially interact with others. I don’t like people hugging or touching me or even shaking my hand! I’m positive I’m this way because of my broken childhood and if I’m being completely honest, I’m angry at my parents for being so irresponsible! On the other hand, I can say that I have adapted well and I actually like the way I am today. Nice video!

[r.k.]

My mother was very inconsistent, very smothering, emotionally neglectful and verbally abusive. I am working on changing my belief that people who get close to me will not act the same way.

[Ifyernotawakeyet]

"...so when looking for samples of only avoidant personlity disorders, it's difficult to find..." 1:54. They've gotten pretty good at avoiding those researchers!😊