What if I'm Not Actually Gay?- Late Life Coming Out

Hello! My name is Emily and on my channel I share my late life lesbian journey of getting divorced from a man after being married for over 10 years and coming out as a lesbian at the age of 33. 

A question I get a lot from other women in my situation is "what if I'm not actually gay?"
So I share a few thoughts and ideas on that in this video 😊

If you want to know more about my story, check out my 3 part series on meeting my husband, getting married, realizing my interest in women, and coming out!

#howdoiknowimgay #latelifecomingout

[EricaGamet]

When I was thinking, "Hmmmm... I think I actually AM gay, " but wasn't sure, a good (very straight) friend said, "Straight women don't sit around wondering if they're straight or not." So whether that means you're bi (or pan) or gay, that's the part of the spectrum to explore... but you're probably not straight if you're wondering about. That helped a lot!

[kemmakelly]

I'm married with a son. When I got married I thought I could just keep my attraction to women contained. I thought I could just live my life without ever acknowledging it or pursuing it. All I've ended up doing is trapping myself and inducing despair and chaos. Just months ago I thought I could just exist this way for the sake of my son but I dont think its possible. I'm terrified of the absolute hurricane I would cause if I came out.

[ArchaeoV]

It took me a long time to be honest with myself that I did actually want to kiss/ be intimate with a woman. What was easier to admit was that I felt nothing being intimate with a man and it was never something I would genuinely seek out and crave/ want. It turns out that straight women do genuinely desire to be intimate with a man!

[Steertanzer]

Thank you for also bringing up the same questions about men. People often skip that part. Sometimes it’s easier to find out what your orientation leans towards, by realizing what you DON’T like.

[TheMissileHappy]

It took me sooo long to figure out my sexuality, because I don't feel sexually attracted to any gender and so I thought I go with the default: straight. Now I'm 28 and know that I'm asexual, but still want to have a relationship with a woman. We need to talk more about stuff like this when growing up!

[elking]

I’ve known I was bi since I was 16, but am trying to decide between heavily woman-leaning bi or late bloomer lesbian at 30. I’m constantly demoralized by friends and family members “oh, you just haven’t met the RIGHT man, all your relationships have been assholes.” I’d like to find community support on that topic.

Yes, I know there are better men out there, I haven’t lost hope on that but I don’t want to pursue a sexual relationship with a man and am highly skeptical of trying out another hetero romantic relationship. People just won’t take that at face value and it’s so frustrating. I just have zero desire to get cozy with a man again.

[SimslyMeg]

I needed this video, you have no idea how hard the last 2 weeks have been after separation but you have just settled everything in 5 minutes. Thank you so much x

[jopainter]

Is it fair to say though that someone who was questioning their sexuality might find the idea of intimacy with a woman scary, or even gross? But then realise when they have that experience that they do actually love it? Just a thought because someone thinking that certain parts of sex with a woman might be gross, may not necessarily indicate that’s not what they’d be into?

[bone_apple_teeth]

I feel sometimes like my orientation almost changes on the daily, it’s like a rollercoaster of attraction 🤪 geez, everyone looks good

[martiepowell]

I’ve been bi-sexual since grade school. Had a few petting experiences during that time. Only have had sex with one woman over the past 40 years ( our last escapade 3 months ago). Not that I didn’t want to but you know how society is/was. I’ve been married for 27 years. He knows Ive had interest but not to the extent I feel within myself. I truly think if I’d have met the right woman...I just never put myself out there. Now at 61...I think of women all the time.

[SpaceyFae]

I’ve had this fear myself. That even if in my head it’s great, I’ll not like the real thing. However, asexuality is totally valid too.

[JJ_TheGreat]

Also, you should listen to your body. When you are thinking about different things, you're body's reactions will help you explore.

[brooke]

For me, the s**ual stuff was never the issue...I just thought I was bi. It wasn't until I had a female roommate that I realized the life-ing with a woman is what is most appealing to me. I would date men then freak out and break up with them but knowing why or thinking they were the problem but it just kept happening until I realized that I want a whole life with a woman. My view of happily ever after totally changed! ❤️🥰

[positivelySlime]

I was in my mid-30's before I finally came to grips with the fact that I was gay. I had fooled around with other men a few times throughout my life and just figured I was bi, but only dated and pursued women due to social pressures/concerns. I've dated several women but all of those relationships only lasted a few months. I never enjoyed having sex with women because it just felt dull and unexciting (no offense ladies!), yet if I had sex with another man, it was exhilarating and satisfying. One felt right, the other didn't. Hey, I can't say I didn't try! lmao

[bubba]

I wish I could be this open about being a gay guy it's embarrassing, being a quee.

[chaparra]

This is something I definitely needed to hear, was engaged at 20 left at 22, dated 2 other men after and each time I kept thinking of WOMEN or wishing they were women, came out at 28 and now at 30 I'm with a women and its a whole new world and it feels normal. I identify as Pan but women are gorgeous 😍. It was very hard to fully accept myself after I fully came out due to having INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA due to how our SOCIETY IS BUILT. BUT I Am TRUELY HAPPY 😊

[clays]

Emily,
Great stuff...
Seven years amicably divorced from my late-life Lesbian wife epiphany... and we have two kiddos.
Although I’ve kinda figured this all out over the past seven years. Enjoy your perspective!
Clay

[katiefinnegan]

My GF came to me to explore her sapphic side. 30 minutes with me started a chain of events for her to file for divorce. Like she cracked the seal on her attraction to a women and the flood gates opened. How she feels about me she never thought was possible. Her soon to be ex husband drops comments about when the honeymoon period is over, she will want to go back to him. I feel bad for him, not understanding the magnetism when the right person comes along. I hope he finds it one day too.

[chemicalgirl]

Oh amazing I’ve been thinking this all week!

[monique]

I came out in my 20s, as bi, had no issues with family or friends accepting me. I have dated men & women openly since coming out, but ultimately married a man, that knows that I am sexually attracted to women. In my heart I know that I am a lesbian, but struggled with accepting that myself, which is why I would date men. I holding out hope that I can convince my husband, one day, to let me have a girlfriend 🤞🏾But he can't 😜