I Am Not Actually Living a Life

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Reddit post
01:48 - Overview
05:00 - Where do you start?
07:25 - Lack of support
11:29 - Instilled values
15:20 - High school is the start of self regulation
18:58 - Fix one problem at a time
22:05 - Were you taught how to socialize?
25:14 - Emotions and self judgement
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

[sabishiihito]

More people need to hear this kind of thing, because the popular narrative is that a person has to take responsibility for *everything* in his/her life and bad upbringing is an "excuse" (yes it is, a *valid* one).

[mitthrawnuruodo]

We’re in the same boat. 24yo male, no car, broke, living with mom, no friends, never had a gf, lonely and still have emotional baggage. But I’m not hopeless. Each day I take a step towards bettering myself. I can say I’m much better off than I was a year ago, 6 months ago, 3 months ago, etc, . I know I have a long way to go but I KNOW giving it 1 year I’ll be much better. I’m getting a better paying job next week, I’ll get my car afterwards, build myself up in solitude and once I become who I’m meant and build my confidence I’ll make friends. Im not out yet!

[someblackguy]

I'm 31 years old and I'm dealing with the same thing I don't know how but somewhere down the line I just retreated and just isolating myself from society so I sympathize with anybody who is dealing with whatever they're dealing with and just know that you're not alone

[mismismism]

I feel for this person a lot. I broke my back when I was 14 and have had lots of problems and surgeries ever since that derailed my life. I had to leave college to get emergency surgery, I wanted to be a dancer and worked very hard for years but had to give up on it because of my back and because I had no plan B so I needed money. Basically no entry level work let me stick to my limitations for my back so I was constantly doing heavy lifting but my goal was to get a computer and go to college(I tried going back but my commute was 2 hours each way and the school would not work with me on doing more than 1 lab hour a day so I didn't have to go to thw college every day, can't drive because of nerve damage that made me have muscle spasms in my legs so it was dangerous), I was trying very hard to have friends, I've never been on a date, but I was trying everything I could to catch up after my medical issues made me fall behind. Then 2020 hit, I was suddenly overworked when the chaos happened and my back was reinjured, I lost my job, Disability would not help because I was trying to work, meanwhile my condition got so bad I couldn't walk and ended up in the hospital getting emergency spine surgery, no income(luckily I save religiously or I'd be homeless), even the nurses were shocked as I was on the phone in the hospital after major spine surgery with someone from Social Security telling me I worked almost a year earlier at this point, therefore I was able to work and could not get Disability income when I was literally crippled for almost a full year at that point. And it was like, everything came crashing down with no clear idea of where to even start. I could not finish school, now I'm in physical therapy and can barely walk without pain, loads of limitations, I finally got Disability to help but they aren't covering the year of surviving with no income, no money for school and I'm on very hard drugs for pain, no friends(all I did was work and come home for years because I was in pain doing jobs I shouldn't have been doing with no choice), still never been on a date, no money left and don't even know how to get experience since I cannot work without losing Disability and I can't handle walking around a grocery store, let alone working full time, even just psychologically, I have PTSD from the injury and all the intense pain. I gained weight over that year, I cannot work out, I'm broke and can't just not eat because I'm on very strong meds but people constantly make their side comments and it takes a toll on you when everything is screwed and people are judging you with no context and makes you isolate even more. It's very toigh when you have so little to go on that you feel like you don't know where to start and everything you have done lead nowhere. It really feels like you're never going to be good enough, you're not worth anything and it's pointless to even try because it's doomed from the start and always has been.

[PeterParker-fxdl]

Same, but I'm a 36 year old dude. I'm finally doing good holding a job, and first time living on my own. Been at this job about two years. But, not a very social job at a small repair shop. I'm accustomed to restaurant work with plenty of "forced" interaction which helps me make friends, lol.

[enthiegavoir]

Honest question, how DO you meet people when you're in your early 20s? It's like right after we're forced to interact with people and it seems like no real options options for meeting up really exist sometimes

[spacegirlfriend]

I was really sad tn when this came up in my recommended and this vid really helped me put things in better perspective

[CommittedMan]

In conclusion, not everyone should be a parent if you are unwilling to guide throughout life.

[Khalsiii]

This is been very insightful. My whole life I’ve been “taught” to accept full responsibility for how I am. Deep down I always felt that my upbringing and essentially not being supported my whole life by my parents had a huge impact on who I am today. I don’t have any friends and after watching this it made me realize that I was not taught how to socialize. I’m a millennial so I grew up when technology started taking over. My parents had more kids when I was 10 and I felt like they just forgot about me. From that point on I felt like I was pretty much on my own.

[TinaWu]

As a current teacher and a former "bad student", when I read that OP dropped out, I immediately knew they're not being supported and cared for enough. That's some rough family shit and I hope OP is getting themselves together, not necessarily making huge progress but healing mostly <3
Best of luck to us and everyone reading and watching!

[VerryLongName]

Maybe I was taught how to socialize, but I just never tried to practice it. I used to stutter a lot and when I was told to stop it by classmates or asked why I did it, I started isolating. It didn’t help that I was put in learning support classes because of auditory processing disorder in 5th grade, separating me from the “normal kids” and planting more seeds of self-doubt

[WolfieXp]

Normalize failing both socially and academically even when you do have everything going for you

[gerbilpmc]

I was homeschooled my whole life so I relate to this so much. Finally got a job last year and going to start college soon, but it’s going to be so hard because I never really had an education

[krampe]

I had this phase too here some Tipps which May help:
- if you have overweight start with losing weight first, go out jogging 3 times a week it helps your mind but also enjoy one time per week some nice food you want ( I did it on Saturday), change your diet it helps a lot and no alcohol
- after that change your habits, don’t be on the cellphone all day, it literally changes nothing. Lay it in another room somewhere you can’t reach it. Delete social media, you can always install it back
- try to start meditating the mind also needs training not just the body (I used headspace) try it every morning or evening
- make up your own rules for good healthcare (try seeing friends 2 times per week, if you don’t have some go for a walk, try to make someone laugh in a day, maybe get some plants care for them) those are the Tipps I use
- try to be kind and honest to other people, the more you try to listen to yourself the more silent your inner voice becomes and the more empathy you have for other people. Some may feel the same you just don’t know it yet

I hope this helps for anyone who is having a hard time

[realtalk]

Sending love to anyone in this similar situation. Im 22 in march. Had a childhood that set me up for failure if i didnt know any better. Thank God for the internet.

Here are some healthy habits im practicing to help me along my journey:
Semen retention, supplements (ashwghanda, vitamin D, fish oil), journaling, working out, WATER (you’d be surprised what a lil consistent hydration can do), occasional fasting.

We gotta look out for that kid inside of us everyone forgot about. Where did you lose your inner child? What did they need? Be the adult you needed 🫶🏽

[Seissmo]

Being taught to socialize is very important.

[someonesomeone]

There's not much in life to live, tbh. Unless you're rich and good looking and having a great time, what is there? Shit job, boring location, boring entertainment? Be rich or be bored.

[EHyde-irgb]

Life is like an mmo where the pvp has gotten really toxic because the devs have abandoned us, and all the raid bosses are extremely complicated problems often created by other players just trying to do their own quests.

[Joeah]

Sounds alot like AVPD but since she actually reached out for therapy shes beating those odds abit (not a doctor). If thats the case antidepressants alone wont do, she'd need CBT and all the willpower she can muster. Obviously, something like that has to be tested for by a professional and I know Dr. K isn't suppose to diagnose people in videos. I truly hope she finds the help she needs.

[pixieskitty]

I'm in a similar situation, but I'm 40, I have a loving partner, my blood relatives do not speak to me, I'm jobless, disabled (in that point where I don't qualify for a pension but not good enough to be hired), I have few friends in the outternet, and I just live because I don't want to see my chosen family sad if I die.