3 Signs Your Friends Are NOT Your Friends

👉 The last one often gets ignored. Do you ever pick up on it? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don’t really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves. But it’s not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it’s good quality friendship.

If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex. Take time to get clarity on the situation. Chapter 2 in my book, Open When.. is called, ‘When your friends are not your friends’. Head over to my stories for a sneaky peak of the chapter or tap on the link in my bio to order your copy of Open When.. so you’re armed and ready for these confusing situations when being human gets complicated.

👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order (link in bio)
Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’
Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

WHO AM I:
I'm a clinical psychologist. I am here to share insights from therapy and psychology research so that you can make use of it in your daily life to understand how your mind works and optimise your own mental health. I cover all things from confidence and motivation to mood and anxiety. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.

[JohnSmith-qgjb]

1. They are busy
2. They dont really ask about u
3. They mostly take

[ashiff]

Its not just about friends, it can be applied to family too. Choose your battle accordingly. Choose peace. Choose love. Choose self respect.

[cloudfluff-jd]

They never text you first. Always you're the one who starts conversation.

[deepcoolclear]

Most people have lots of acquaintances, but true friends can barely be counted on a hand

[tendomichael]

They only notice you when you make a mistake or if they need something from you.

[Flightofthesparrow]

I am on my healing journey and I’ve realized I’ve always been bad at choosing “friends” and partners because of my trauma and how my “family” treated me growing up. I didn’t realize what a healthy friendship really was and i always gravitated toward ppl who treated me like garbage because that is what I was used to. This resonates with me and I’m finally realizing I’m lovable and worthy even if I haven’t found my people yet. I separated myself from fake friends and toxic family who enjoyed bringing me down or “lovingly” degrading me and make the butt of their jokes. My boundaries have allowed me to heal.

[Greenwings]

A competition you didn't know you were in. Can go on for years.

[prismstars]

Signs like those pretty much happen in all my friendships—they resent me if something good happens to me, they never apologize for their behavior, and I am always walking on eggshells. But also–

1) they take out their insecurities on me
2) they ditch me for people they think are more fun
3) I forgive them for social missteps right away, but they won't forgive me for anything, even innocuous things I said ten years ago
4) they laugh at me behind my back

It's like high school all over again. For me, i's just not worth the effort anymore.

[TherapyMeetsMindset]

yes there is nothing so draining than false friends and family members. 👏🏼💯💯

[janek]

I always initiated contact either by phone, dropping in at peoples houses, visiting relatives etc. One day, (several years ago) i decided to stop being the initiator and see what happens...no one phoned, no one dropped by, no one visited. I am not worth their time. They are not worth mine. I moved on.

[A-Vyo]

They always talk about themselves and even though they ask you "how are you" it.s just a conversational starter because you can quickly realize they actually don.t want to hear for real how you really are. So, be careful! I felt relieved when I cut off 3 such childhood friends in my lifetime and as time went by (it.s been 12-15 years, now) I realized that I don.t miss them at all. So guys be careful. 🙏

[Hana-pj]

This kind of „friendship“ I used to have. Glad I was able to walk away from them.

[LizawithaZ]

1. They talk about you when you walk out of the room
2. They are only there for the good times but rarely during a crisis
3. They always call you with drama and it drains your energy

[I_JoOoy]

- They find pleasure in asking you questions they already know their answers would make you defensive or look bad or less than.
- When you're in trouble, need help, or rescue and asked them for it. They will come hard on you and treat you as if you were stupid for falling for that thing and continue to blame you instead of offering real help.

[MissyQ]

My older sister can never apologize — she blames me. Her daughter is one of the meanest women I have ever known. She got that from her mother, who actually — and I have only told one other person about this — beat me with a wire hanger in front of her friends at a party she had while my parents were out dancing. I tried to crawl down the hallway to my room, and she kept hitting me until one of the boys at the party stopped her. It makes me tear up to think of what she did. Straight out of Mommie Dearest way back in about 1966. Now she pretends she’s kind and loving. No, she’s not. It’s a bad act that my little sister and I see through. We will never be friends. I give up. It’s sad.

[Ferlian]

I had been there. It took a lot of time to develop social skill and trust. It's not like 'go out and have friends' for everyone. Therapy was the most painful medical treatment I've ever received and I have a better life now.

[helen]

A competition you didn't know you were in. Some of them would go out their ways to sabotage you because they are jealous of your success

[taradonelson]

4. When something bad happens to you, they offer no help.

I lost a loved one a couple of months ago and the trip was traumatic for various reasons. Then, I come home to my friends. A couple of my friends were supportive. But most of them... didn't even ask how I was doing. That's the most basic level of friendship. Nope. I lost trust in my entire friend group. I cut out several toxic people four years ago. So now, I guess the next level is finding not just "neutral" people, but actually healthy relationships who are good for me. Wish me luck!

[Victoria.Reynholm]

On point 1 I had a friend I’d known since school who looked absolutely pig sick when he learned I’d got my pilots license.
I’ve always loved aircraft and I had the chance to earn my PPL in the USA quickly (cheaper and better weather)
It’s my only achievement and one that I’m proud of as I had zero confidence in school, and now I use it as a yardstick to judge people’s sincerity.
The vast majority of people are genuinely pleased for me, but I have noticed a tiny minority over the years that react with sly digs or envy .

[anewcareerinanewtown]

Real friends are people you can be out of contact with for months or years but when you get back together it's like it was yesterday.