3 things to NEVER say to an INFP!

In this video I have 3 phrases that as an INFP I'm not a personal fan of. Originally I planned for 5 things, but got too ranty - my bad...

[theblacksworde]

My top three triggers are:
Peter, its not personal!
Peter, be rational /dont be so emotional!
Peter, who are you to go against convention?

[MsDoryLinda]

I like your distinction of physical lazy vs mental lazy!! Doing deep analysis is taxing on the mind which does lead to physical exhaustion. The physical activity the mentally busy person will desire is probably to calm and decompress the mind. So yeah, that's a label that a lot of us INFPs seem to be slapped with.

[TheAngiepangie]

We’re just INFPs living in an ESTJ world.

[vickydelange]

Great roof climbing form Sean! 🤣
Some phrases that gets me riled up are:
1. "You must!" No way José! I must nothing!
2. "Try being less emotional" That would be a hard nyet from me!
3. "Why do you always have to be different?" 'Cause this salmon can only swim one way and that's upstream! 😂

[callmemiira]

OMG! Why do people keep calling us selfish? This annoys me too.

[katrinamareen]

My Husband is an ISTJ... he understands Im not lazy, and that Im the one who organises the house, helps with the mental well being of our relationship, and our kids. Im the one who also daydreams about things, and then I tell him, and he makes some of them reality (like the garden, or weekend plans). I have the ideas, he makes them happen. I often wonder how he can't just sit and think... he just does not. Hes go go go, always doing things, keeping busy. I realise that my head is go go go, so I like to think we compliment each other.

[BigggRoss]

It's Always Personal never "Just Business". I think the real selfishness comes from others not wanting to give you your space when needed rather than doing everything they want all the time...

[danilles.]

Great points made! I'm a fellow INFP and relate soooo much. We like high-quality connections, thorough and deep profound healing, and sweet savoring rest from constant barrage of stimuli.

[nellautumngirl]

Lazy and selfish, ho boy. A co-worker saw me like that and it made me very sad. Nothing I did could change her mind. Which just shows, even us nice INFPs cannot be liked by everybody. I know I'm not lazy, and selfish, I could see why people think that but if you care enough to get to know me, it becomes clear the opposite is the case.

[draug]

About the "laziness", i´ve always wondered where the hell those people who work full-time and then fill every minute of free time with either social activities or things like renovation projects and stuff get all that energy from. Seems to me like they eat Duracell batteries and wash them down with Red bull or smth. I get if it´s kind of relaxing to do something with your hands if you work an office job but still, i mean don´t they ever get tired?

[TheGinnygoose]

I groaned out loud when you said lazy and then selfish...Argh!!! I paused at selfish...just to take a breath. It shouldn't but those two really hit me in my soul. I think because it makes me feel invisible or that people don't see who I am....in fact, it makes me feel that they are lazy for not even bothering to see me at all. I also notice that people will run towards me when they need things, dump all their emotions onto me, feel better then run away...but will never be there when I need a pat on the back or understand that I don't want to do whatever because my brain is tried and you know, I'm selfish. My point is I get ya.

[sarahkarns]

Fellow INFP here😊 It's true, we don't run with the crowd.

[perlamargarita]

Dude you are so right! F the tribe, I'm me. Not a follower.

[Nyxeline]

I used to do what you did. But there was a patio in the roof of the house. So it was mostly closed off from people being able to look in. Which would make me comfortable since I knew I was too high up for people to see me. I would take my blanket, my switch, phone and just relax outside and take in the sun. We all need a nice place like that.
I was always told that I was lazy just because I didn't do things RIGHT AWAY, when someone would ask them of me. Either I would be in a depressed mood and wouldn't want to do anything at all, or I would be procrastinating. It took me awhile to realize I wasn't lazy the way others would label me as.
As well as my personality, people would tell me to quit being myself because I was too nice, too helpful, too everything. I had no one to go to for these kinds of things, and being told to not be myself would hurt time and time again. Because people would never want to put themselves in my shoes.
Also regarding friends and people, I've lost count how many times I lost friends or would have someone mad at me because I would give them attention and when I would need my own space, they would call me a bad friend. Because they got used to the constant messages coming from me. And they would call me selfish, or that I was needy (since I'm a very touchy feely person and love giving hugs), So I was taught early on to just be alone. Less people to dissapoint and less people to hurt me.
By the way, you don't have to write back! I understand you have lots of comments, so you can just skip mine if you'd like! I won't mind ♥

[jordanpearson]

I love watching your videos, I feel like I'm watching my own inner dialogue XD

[DA_]

I've read from so many MBTI groups these questions/insinuations of Fi being selfish, it seems to be common stereotype. I always kinda give this snide side-eye.

Oh hon, any type can be selfish. Not to mention unhealthy and abusive. It's weird when people pin that on one type or function. 🙃

Really like your videos, keep up the good work!

- INTP

[adventuresofmedievalviking]

This is so good, thanks for making this video! The lazy and selfish accusations are huge for me because I've gotten them so much throughout my life and they've caused me so much stress and pain. It's cathartic to see another INFP address this!

[saracarlson-kringle]

It REALLY didn't go over well at work when at the end of the day I was a washed out wreck and they wanted me to join them for 'after-work' fun or activities. Or if on the extreme off-chance that I felt I could, I didn't have much to offer to the conversation [I didn't engage in activities they found interesting - yawn / and when I offered my perspective on something I was cut off quickly - uncomfortable maybe, boring, too deep]...I think they found me irritating and perhaps snobbish. Same in the religion I was raised in - I couldn't meet their 'hoop jumping' requirements on a weekly basis because it required being around a group of people for multiple meetings and proselytizing - especially after I had dealt with people ALL DAY at work, so I got labeled a spiritually weak liability that would probably not make the cut when God brought the hammer down on the wicked, which felt great [I said facetiously...left that behind about 20+ years ago]. I don't mind popping in and out to support someone or something, but I am no 'joiner'.

[lifestoryguy]

The criticism that we're selfish is hard to take sometimes especially because as healers there's a tendency for us to be the dumping ground for other people's negative emotions. I mean, it's as if they don't really appreciate the active listening we do. In effect, we end up soothing the troubled souls of those closest to us but never actually receive such reciprocity ourselves. I also suspect we are perceived to be selfish because we don't do mundane things like just phone folk out of the blue to see how they are and talk about the weather etc. Instead, we just wait for them to contact us if they need to talk and get stuff off their chest. Of course, this might come across to Fe users that we disappear from view for days when in fact all we are really doing is giving people space to pursue their own things and for them to come to us when they need a bit of support and encouragement. As an INFP writer, I also think a lot of people don't really understand that when I write a book for a specific person, I feel like I am spending time with them while I write and format the book because I am thinking about them as I do it. All be it, the time I'm spending with them is in a different place and time, and they'll read the book by themselves in that different place and time.

[favouraffi]

1. On point as usual. Why would i do it if I'm not feeling it?
2. Being lazy. I tend to not talk about my day when asked because people dont get it when I say I did nothing all day. Or they dont get if I'm "productive" today and decide to lay around doing absolutely nothing the next day.

Ps. There's a meme I saw. It said "doing nothing is very hard because you never know when you're done."😉

They literally do not know the struggle😅

3. Deep help. Thats the exact phrase. People say... "you're my best friend. I can tell you everything. You help me through a lot. I owe it all to you. Blah blah blah." But then one day you're unavailable, you become the selfish one. Public enemy number one.

Its not already bad enough that guilt is likely eating you up inside for saying no, they now add salt to injury. 🤦‍♀️