Living Alone After a Long Marriage: 5 Tips for Surviving a Separation or Divorce

Going from "we to me" after being married for years (or decades!) is a stressful adjustment. It's hard even if you initiated the separation and believe you're better off apart. How do you live by yourself after being married for years or decades? Here's how I'm adjusting to living alone after 16 years of marriage.

I made this video for a reader who said: "I’m in the exact same situation as you - married to a good man but we needed to separate for space and time apart. I’m living alone for the first time ever and I’m terrified. I work from home ….. so I work all day alone, dinner alone, evening alone, sleep alone and then get up the next day and do it all over again. Weekends are even worse for loneliness.
I’d rather die …… this is no way to live. I have few friends and they’re all busy with their own relationships. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. How to be happy with no one to do things with?"

[LaurieSheBlossoms]

You all inspired me to make a follow up video. I think it's more helpful :-)
Thank you!

[HollyWilkes-ww]

After a 6 year relationship, I’m going it alone! I’m 57 and will never be dependent on another person for my happiness. It does suck going/doing things by myself but not worth having someone else telling me how I need to decorate, manage money, or even live.

[MarthaHenry]

I loved watching this video. I am recently divorced after 38 years of marriage, and now I can look at the divorce as my opportunity to take "the Remote Control" for my life. I re-started my Youtube just to journal my new adventures as a single woman again in my 60s...

[robb]

My Father used to say; Better to be by yourself, than in bad

[ThePossumone]

It can be incredible living on your own. There is no reason to be lonely with so many things you can do: join working groups, a Church, get involved in volunteering, dog or walking groups, help other people. Realise that other people are on their own - meet up with them. What about your friends or family - put work into them. it can be so blissful and joyful to know that no one is criticizing you, or cheating on you. Make sure you have enough social contact and you will enjoy your time alone.

[GL-lebh]

I read as many articles as I can from this author's website because she is such a heart-centered, kind, gentle, strong lady who has a love for people. I read today that marriages don't fail, they complete. There's no doubt this woman will attract a soulmate love and have a spiritual connection as she is emanating high frequency vibes. What she also said about personal growth, self-improvement and increasing your knowledge to bring something even greater to the next person and as a gift to yourself is everything to building a rich full life in all domains.

[eugenedavis]

I know getting a Divorce is hard I've been down that road 3 times and I'm a Man, it takes times to heal if you let your X move on, if you still feel alone adopt a cat or dog to fill up that space, go out, travel and enjoy your self you only live once.

[maxinewhitus]

Oh my goodness, I just found this by chance. Sounds like I’m in good company. I to will soon be alone after 45 years. Oh my, at least I’ll have my cat. But I’m also scared, but your comments were so spot on. You can absolutely be in love with your spouse but also recognize that’s it’s time to separate. For me the fighting and bickering was just to over the top. Wishing you all the best as we embark on this journey 😊

[barkwaybarkway]

I'm not only alone after 31yrs of marriage but I'm alone because I'm widowed, and I'm disabled with an end stage chronic lung disease. I had an older brother nearby but he was not only caring for an elderly relative at home while separated from his wife but he died in August from complications following a heart surgery. My only (adult) child has problems with addiction so is not just no help but sometimes an additional burden. This is not how I pictured my "golden years."

[robertamarcantoni]

Married for over two decades, i m 44, and i m on the same space as you. That s what It Is. Better be alone by myself rather than feel lonely with AN husband.

[PaperKitty]

I’m watching. Going through similar situation. Praying 🙏 for u. It’s the hardest thing after 27 years of marriage.

[SimplySheilaB]

Currently divorcing after 24 years of marriage, just trying to look ahead even though I’m heartbroken 💔

[TheSilveryew]

Going through the same thing after 12 years of marriage and 17 years in a relationship, I'm 36 now so this has been my life my whole adult life really. Trying to dig deep to live alone but some days it's just hard.

[sallycinnamon]

I joined all kinds of groups and took up new hobbies. Made new friends. Truth is it’s getting tiring four years on. It feels like being single in mid life is constantly looking for something to fill the time.

[bdwdreamweaver]

that was quite a surprise, but sometimes we all have to go through a phase of our lives. It is important to have friends that can see you through

[StarGirl-ll]

What I’m having difficulty in understanding is why didn’t you take on these new activities while with your husband. There are different stages in life and marriage. It takes time to settle at these different stages and development of your relationship. For example newly married you might be very romantic and excited with your new life but you hit a road block, it can become boring, too comfy and guess what children or maybe pets come along, very exciting, shared interests and then it becomes stressful and very busy as careers and family life grow. Then you get older, a bit more settled and the kids leave home and you are looking at each other saying where is the young exciting person I fell in love with, well they are still there but different. Take time to find them and yourself, new joint interests, new friends, travel, move home, new adventures. It’s before this last stage that it can go so wrong, the restlessness kicks in and conversations don’t happen and maybe it’s easier to go I love you but I don’t want to be with you and maybe you start separate lives, and it can be too late to rekindle what you have just lost. I do speak from experience as my husband did exactly what you have done and I was having none of it and I kept working on our marriage and supported him in his crisis and we started that very old fashion thing called courting. We found ourselves very much still in love and enjoying our life together but with a much deeper respect and love for each other. Sadly he died over a year ago and I would do anything to have our time again, it’s very lonely not having your best friend and love beside you. So, don’t be so quick to separate from your love, time is short.

[GloriaLopez-leje]

Hi Laurie, you look so happy in your surroundings. I'm so happy for you! I noticed the cute little statue sitting on the floor with a book open, how cute!! Thank you for the lovely video. Stay well. Be happy. Take care. I look forward to each one of your videos each week. Love ya.

[deborahwillis]

All women need to skill up on living alone because it’s likely you will be alone at some point. The resistance to this is what causes the pain and anxiety Accept and get to develop yourself so you are interesting to others who seek out your company . Just like when married or living with someone, you will have down days - it’s just part of life.

[lyndawilliamson]

I separated from my husband back in February of this year. I watched your video several times and didn’t think I could ever be without my husband. I did a lot of crying and felt so alone. I didn’t want to be alone. But here I am in September and I survived. I like being alone. At this point in my life I really don’t want to get involved with another man. It may happen someday but just not now. I am enjoying being on my own. Thank you for all the wonderful advice and your pearls of wisdom. ❤❤❤

[GloriaLopez-leje]

Laurie, I hope you are doing well and happy. I keep you in prayers for health, safety and well - being. As you spoke of the body, yes, mine warns me also. I am a sensitive & sentimental person. I feel deeply even when I don't want to. I was like this as a child. My body does warn me of over doing it by means of different ways. Take care. Be safe. Be Happy. Have a glorious day!