Autism, Narcissism, and Trauma with Dr. Kim Sage

Dr. Kim Sage shares insights about autism, narcissism, and trauma.

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DISCLAIMER: Taylor Heaton is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Please note that Taylor can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, nor any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information available through her website, YouTube Channel, or social media accounts. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended by Taylor Heaton or Mom on the Spectrum. Please note that Taylor doesn't make any guarantees about the results of the information you may apply from her website, YouTube channel, and/or social media accounts. Taylor shares educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in navigating life as an autistic adult. You nevertheless need to know that your outcome will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond Taylor's knowledge and control. Taylor is an Amazon affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from affiliate links. Taylor is a Flare affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from Flare links.

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You are a beautiful person worthy of love!

[beadkatt]

I'm 72 & just discovered that I'm AuDHD (not just ADHD) within the last 6 months due to my 35 yr old ADHD son's encouraging me to watch both of your videos & it's answered SO many life struggles though I sure wish I'd had any idea years earlier, but what a relief anyway!

[Lacainam]

I'm 42, very recently self diagnosed autistic, and currently going through a divorce from a covert narcissist. This couldn't have been more timely. Thank you both for your hearts and minds!

[beadkatt]

YES: "I remember it differently" is such a great mental/communication tip.

[debtalan]

“…Gone crazy trying to make a narcissist’s reality my own, ” comment. Yeeeeah. Also how a narcissist will exhibit: I got you, I can contain you, hold all of who you are. And if you’ve felt like a weirdo trying extra hard to be liked for your whole life, that feels like a place you want to land. And then you realize the ground is quicksand. Or an illusion. So you’re stuck, and/or in free fall with no actual support. This interview ROCKS🙌thank you both🙏🏻

[dr.bandito]

Just want to mention that “trauma bonding” does not refer to two people connecting over stories of trauma or victimization.

Trauma bonding is a type of bonding that happens in an abuse cycle. At least one perpetrator uses a cycle of abuse and then love bombing, making themselves the source of love and source of danger. It ends up creating a super strong attachment where a victim struggles to identify the abuse as abuse.

[ALRojas-rdiw]

Indeed, rumination is AWFUL. It took YEARS for me to stop ruminating about a certain situation. And recently. I’ve been put in a similar situation again and I know to get away from it asap.

[findmeinthewoods.]

I recently ran across smile mask syndrome. It's from Japan where they're expected to smile for customer service all day regardless of how they feel and actually many take smiling classes. Guess all the smiling while not meaning it causes depression. I really wonder how that might correlate with autistic masking. I grew up in an abusive home where I tried to keep others happy for my own safety, have autism, and smile anytime I'm in public to the point it hurts. Think it may be different reasons, but same outcome in two different types of psychological masks

[debbieallen]

Finding your channel has been so enlightening for me. I am 68, diagnosed with c-PTSD due to early childhood trauma. My anxiety drove me to counseling two years ago. But a lot of the examples you present about autism made me say, OMG that is so me! Always in my head, can't get enough info, can't relate to others, needing to isolate, needing my cats, sensory overload to light and sound, dis-regulated by my senses, always in flight mode, always super vigilant. I have survived by being busy. Busy, busy, busy. Trying not to feel. I don't know where to go with this or how to cope with life except to retreat into myself, my home, my yard. I did not know anything about autism until my grandson was recently diagnosed. Now I am on another quest to know more! In my day there was no counseling. Just suck it up buttercup. So I'm hard on myself, and most likely others. Thanks for sharing this.

[amyadelman]

I often have started relationships with a trauma bond because I find discussing personal topics easier than small talk😢 It feels more comfortable in the beginning but I have to recognize it can be a red flag

[karenelliott-grinnell]

I am an adult female,
Late diagnosed (3 yrs ago at age 61) Autistic woman who has been following the both of you for a few years. I hope you both know how much you have helped people like me with your content. I loved this conversation . To know there is a community out there has been a source of wisdom and support. Thank you.

[samanthawright]

My two favourite Autistic Youtubers together!! Thank you for this fantastic interview/chat collaboration

[DrKimSage]

Thank you again Taylor! I loved connecting with you and our community!

[JK-Georgiablue]

You both are amazing! I enjoy watching you individually, and together is even better! I was married to a vulnerable/covert narcissist for 22 years until I discovered some terrible things he was doing. After I filed for divorce, he turned into a monster. I had never seen that side of him before. He believes everyone is deceitful and manipulative, but they are hiding it. I thought he was my soulmate when we first married, but all the love and attention he showed me soon disappeared, and I spent about 21 years trying to get that person back. But, after the divorce, I realized through therapy that the person I thought he was never existed. He was pretending. I am AuDHD and too gullible sometimes.

[pianodesu]

Can't wait for this one, collaboration of two YT creators I really like, let's see where this goes.

[lynncasady]

I haven’t been diagnosed but feel strongly I am autistic. I have been online learning to support my granddaughter and all I see is myself, my mom and my daughter too. I have had a chronic headache and tense muscles since I was 19. I’m 57 now. No one could figure out why and this makes complete sense. Every thing I’ve learned has explained my life and has been liberating! I was married to a narcissist. His abuse caused rage and shut down. I couldn’t explain shut down to my doctor except apathy and I felt like I was being judged as overreacting. I’ve been in trauma therapy the last two years. I still am struggling with shut down but I am not a zombie anymore. Prayers to all who have experienced this or are experiencing this. Hugs

[trishy]

This content is so incredibly helpful. Thank you for this collaboration! I have recently come to the conclusion (recently diagnosed AuDHD) that my mother is autistic and my father is a narcissist (also possibly autistic)….it’s so clear that her processing and communication challenges inadvertently enabled the gaslighting and narcissistic abuse. As a ND individual, I rarely trust my experience when I am faced with a person who is behaving inauthentically. I am finally learning to trust my instincts and not allow myself to fall for narcissistic behavior.

[simonebye]

Oh yay, 2 of my favourite AuDHD accounts!

[jessewood]

This was a great topic! I’m a 34 year old man and I just became aware that I’m autistic about 8 months ago - I received my diagnosis just a few weeks ago. I hope more research is done on the topic of how and if autism presents differently in different genders. My fiancé and I have noticed my autism presents very much so in the ‘female’ presentation and not at all in the ‘male’ presentation. This makes me wonder to what degree those different presentations are biological vs socially constructed differences. I’m not an expert, I’m still in my becoming aware phase but yeah - my autism is very ‘female presenting’ even though I’m a man. I just find that fascinating! Thanks.

[ThatBlondeRecluse]

that How We Feel app is AMAZING! i’m an A&D counselor & have shared it w/ all my clients. love it glad you mentioned it

[PatchworkDragon]

This is amazing! It's a similar feeling to finding out that two of my friends know each other from somewhere else.

Instead of writing a twenty-paragraph essay, I'll put in a video request for either (or both) of you: workplace trauma, and how job stressors can seep over to the rest of your life.

Thanks for doing this, ladies! Great video, as always!