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You Need To Validate Her Emotions
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When things start to go really bad with your wife or girlfriend, most men will say: "Just tell me what to do!" And then she says: "You should already know!"
You think to yourself that you are trying to be loving and solve her problems to make her happy. Does she even want the problem solved or does she just wants to stay miserable? That's not what is happening here.
What's happening is that the years of you not validating her emotions or every time she came to you with her feelings, and you made her think that she was irrational, she slowly started to lose trust and emotional safety with you.
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