4 Signs You're Touch Starved, Not NEEDY

Are you touch starved? Are you feeling unfulfilled in your relationships or dating life? Do you wonder if your desire for touch is a sign of neediness or a genuine yearning for affection? This video is here to help you understand the subtle nuances and provide valuable insights.

We believe that open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. That's why we've created this video to help you gain a deeper understanding of your own needs and emotions.

#love #relationship

Writer: Clarisse Delos Reyes
Editor: Morgan Swift
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Youtube Manager: Cindy Cheong

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References:

Field, T. (2010). Touch for socioemotional and physical well-being: A review. Developmental Review, 30(4), 367-383.

Fisher, H. (2004). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love. New York: Henry Holt and Company.

Floyd, K. (2006). Communicating affection: Interpersonal behavior and social context. Cambridge University Press.

Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Bantam.

Hertenstein, M. J. (2002). Touch: Its communicative functions in infancy. Human Development, 45(2), 70-94.

[Sonicity_]

There's times where I literally crave for a hug. It physically hurts

[spoongrman]

I relate to everything you just said. I'm not looking for intimate touch, just a hug or something. I've kept a lot of stuff back I think I'm starting to get ready to just let everything out. thank you for the help, thank you so much. ❤

[bfcake]

Perhaps this is why I feel an intense heat pulse through my entire body and almost jolt when ever someone unexpectedly touches/hugs me?

[chrisclark]

This has been as informative and eye opening as always! I knew there was something I was missing and had a general idea what it was, but this explains it perfectly. Thank you!

[SernoxSergal]

even being surounded by family I feel lonely.
I knew I was touch starved, and have been for a few years now.. and it does hurt. However, I will be meeting up with my bf irl on september 11th. so i'll finally get the physical touch i've been needing badly. And don't worry me and my bf have been together for more than 2 years now and we've seen each other in video calls and everything, I know I can trust him.

[cryomyst_]

I have such a deep craving for hugs/physical touch I got a weighted blanket and I semi-regularly hug a large stuffed bear I have just to simulate the feeling of a hug

[eliasalvessouza]

I physically need to touch a person to be sure they are safe. Thank you

[naejimba]

I mean... I thought this was just part of being a man. You know it's been about 15 years since I've had a hug? The worst part is when you are in a relationship with a woman it's all about HER. Her feelings, her needs... never yours. They also say they want you to open up but if you do it NEVER goes well for a man and without fail women lose interest. You learn very quickly as a man that people only care about what they can get from you, and not actually you.

[mrgumbook]

This is less of a hug starved thing but I miss handshakes. They used to be my way of saying hello to other boys and I spent most of my working life in male dominated industries.
Thing is nowadays most of my coworkers are women and I've never been comfortable with hugs outside of family.
I don't deny hugs but only offer them if I know I won't be seeing my coworker anymore or they're taking personal leave.

[canineconundrum]

I am already 29 and never had any affection. I grew up abused and was just in my 20s doing nothing but studying. My heart aches to just be hugged, bros.

[nikoknightpuppetproduction]

In my culture and the society where I live at, men are judged harshly for desiring touches and hugs. I have not been hugged in over 10 years. I do get an occasional handshake a few times a month. That might explain my depression.

[useddentalfloss]

Hmmm... I'm always feeling lonely, even in a room full of friends and family. And yet... I *hate* being touched. Especially if it takes me by surprise.

[melian]

Well, I've been touch starving for years but I can't fullfill this need because of so many things...:
- I've been in a constant state of depersonnalization and derealization for 3 years now. I have some worse episodes sometimes but having it constant like that ended up making me lose slowly any sense of my humanity. I mostly just feel like a soulless pair of eyes watching an unknown world through the eyes of an unknown body that is constantly on the verge breaking down, but I can't understand how the controls work. It's to the point where I can't recognize my own touch. For example, when I touch my left forearm, I can recognize that my right hand is touching something, and I can recognize that something is touching my left arm. But the connection that they are both in contact with each other isn't there. I consciously know that it's the case, but I can't feel it. And it's sadly even worse when it's someone else touching me. Hugs feel so plain and empty that I just choosed to stop doing that because it was frustrating to not feel them anymore.
- I recently learnt that I never really healed from my PTSD as a child (for constant psychological abuse and sometimes physical). I've been also diagnosed with depression 3 years ago and I'm still currently trying to get a diagnosis for ADHD. I get easily overwhelmed and irritated whenever my personal space is crossed without my consent and I isolate myself a lot. And even before DPDR affected my touch so much, I would cry myself to sleep because it was emotionally too much for me to show affection, because I grew up being taught trough violence that it was a weakness. And I already felt weak enough, no need to force myself even more down.
- And because of the precedent point, the lockdown and the fact that all my friends are also neurodivergent and depressed, we all have pretty strict boundaries when it comes to physical touch, and some even more than others. Not only the two others points are already weighting on me during social situations, but I'm also scared to unknowingly cross a boundary by touching their shoulder, or giving them an unannounced hug (which I barely even do now).

I crave hugs and cuddles so much, I literally can't sleep without holding pillows like a person. I feel weird doing that but I already spend so much time alone because of my mental health, I need a way to compensate during the toughest moment of the day for me. I've been dreaming to hold someone else instead, but the thought of cuddling with a real human being is so overwhelming too, all the things they might think in silence during this moment, I would just feel too uncomfortable to keep it like that. And to not help with that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me because of this exact problem. We talked about this, she said that she will support me and help me, I think I made some efforts since the beginning of the relationship, I ended up being able to say I love you first, initiate hugs and kisses even tho it was still sometimes difficult, and I did everything to show her my love in other ways, terrified that she might think that I don't love her equally. Turns out sue was the one to not reciprocate my efforts, I feel so dumb I noticed how awkward our last days together were, I tried to do some nice things to relax everything but she always seemed to push me off without saying anything which made things worse. A week later she told me that she was thinking about breaking up with me for a while because she thought that our moments together looked more like a friendship than a love relationship. I still don't know how else I could have done things, I still feel ashamed and awkward of our last days together, and a bit humiliated that she left me drown in my awkwardness not understanding what I was doing wrong and why she was awkwardly rejecting any sign of affection. It was my first time experiencing love and it was terrible. I also learnt later to better understand some things she said to me that were way worse than what I wanted to see, how much she minimized my pain, how she was guilt-tripping me to not transition because she prefered my body like that, how she refused to accepted that I was ace and tried to force me to deny it just because she liked sex, how she treated me like an annoying weirdo for my ADHD symptoms, how she would always complain about me not caring about anything she like even tho I forced myself trough hours of talking or watching things she liked and I don't, and whenever I try to share something I enjoy with her she treated me like an annoying child, and guilt-triping me again on how annoying it was that I was forcing her trough all of this (whenever I said that a piece of media didn't interest me, she would physically force me trough hours of it because "you can't have an opinion on it if you never watched it". Meanwhile whenever I was recommending her to watch something I loved in her freetime, I was the bad guy because "you know that I hate that genre, stop forcing me !").
I'm scared of love. I can't even feel it anymore. But I can't even express how much I crave it. Crave seems even too light for how much it is. I'm tired of not being able to feel anything but pain

[SothisTheDog]

I'm in a marriage without touch. We've slept in separate bedrooms for years now. We don't sit down to watch movies together. If it wasn't for our daughter, I'd have left a long time ago... but now that my daughter is older, even she just wants us to divorce and move on with me, but I couldn't do that to my wife.

My daughter is very supportive, but I need more than what my daughter can offer... and I am not talking about sex. I mean, sex would be nice but I'm thinking more like watching movies together, cuddling on the couch or at the movies, shooting the shit at dinner, hanging out at SeaWorld, checking out the art gallery, holding hands, comforting each other when something shitty happens, etc. I could be happier if I just cheated but I just can't. My kid looks up to me and I couldn't end our marriage like that. I feel trapped.

[Ginnies_Dremscape_Official]

Ah, so I _AM_ just clingy. Fair enough. At least I haven't driven anyone away yet

[Tilnaor]

The problem is that if people find somebody something does not matter if they are really are that or not.

[haydenlee]

?!?! You can’t just dissect my everyday life and make a Youtube video out of it!

[seanmcfadden]

I'm simultaneously both touch starved and fairly uncomfortable with being touched! I get that they don't need to be mutually exclusive, but it's still awkward!

[natashakwa]

One lesson I learned the hard way when first living alone:
A hug is one of only a few things that you can’t ask for when you need it.

[Marina-tntz]

I realized I was touch-starved when a girl from my new school i didn't know so well hugged me for longer than .28 seconds and I felt warmth spreading around my whole body, a feeling of security replacing my vigilance and pure light entering my body and exiting it just as swiftly as it had come. Nobody had hugged me for such a long time in a very long time. Anyways, we're best friends now and I am proud with the knowledge that my love language is physical touch. There is hope, people<3