How to Transform Your Betrayal and Relational Trauma

Dealing with betrayal trauma, as well as relational trauma, is awful and confusing. One moment we feel okay; in the next moment, we feel completely disoriented, and we can’t seem to make sense out of the pain and uncertainty we are experiencing. Today Samuel wants to encourage you with a direct, heartfelt, and poignant talk about how to transform your trauma and heal, even when you don’t feel like doing the heavy lifting of repair work. 

- What kind of affair was it?

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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
 - Amanda, Florida

HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[FloMorganBuffaloBills]

There is pain on both sides, wayward pain can have started way before they even got caught. The betrayed as well, but their daily pain can be the worst pain they could ever imagine. I rather give natural child birth again daily then this pain as a betrayed.

[bkpsly]

The unfaithful always have a hard time seeing the betrayed POV. They have low empathy, which is part of the reason for the infidelity in the first place, mind you. They see THEMSELVES as the victim. It is maddening! And it derails repair so much so that it probably leads to divorce more often than not. Unfaithful please listen...cut the crap! You did this, own it, be sorry for it and be sorry for the partner you hurt, not YOURSELF! Please pull your heads out of your asses!

[monical]

I am 15 months out from discovering my husbands affair. Though we are choosing to reconcile, my feelings towards him are completely different. I’m still hurt. I still haven’t forgave and im still on the fence with staying. We have been through counseling, marital and individual and I think there’s too much damage done to continue the relationship. These videos have been helpful but I think they are pushing me to step away from my marriage, heal and find happiness elsewhere.

[phanfamily]

Just wanted to let you know that your videos helped my husband get out of the fog of gaslighting and blaming me for his wrong doings and actually put in work to keep our family together.. he is in a better place thanks to your videos! Thank you!

[lindseyreyes]

Please don’t ever stop doing your videos. Plug your ears when people talk crap, please. I feel so heart broken and alone. On the days when it is all to much and I wish there were arms to hold me, praise music, sermons, and affair recovery videos are the words that turn to arms and hold me while I’m sobbing. Don’t ever stop.

[BetrayalTraumaPractitioner]

Yes. Regardless of what side you are on, infidelity is gut-wrenching!

[annamwale]

Please never stop making videos Sam. I am a regular and they keep me going. They are the reason I am staying strong (even though I feel weak) in my recovery process 8 months later. Along with Harboring Hope and EMS Online you all have helped me and my marriage more than you will ever know. Please keep the videos coming!

[generalbuildingcontractors]

These videos have saved me. I have sailed through my emotional life on the surface dodging obstacles and hitting rocks... these videos have allowed me to go deep under the surface of my emotions and shown me a different world . Thankyou

[reneebertram]

Thank you Sam. You are awesome and very helpful. I am the Betrayed. My partner was unfaithful with an old family friend. He blamed her for pushing him to get involved. He said the words he wanted to repair us, but for nearly 3 weeks he sat on taking initiative. I got even MORE resentful. I struggle with believing he is truly being authentic about wanting to repair this. He finally agreed to let go of his ego to do these videos, we are seeing a therapist, but I am having g a hard time believing he is being authentic. I keep thinking he is going through the "actions" only to get by. Just thought I'd share that. Believing the betrayer is very hard.

[barbarathorne]

This video could not have crossed my path at a more perfect moment, on my DDay 1 year anniversary that found me filled with angst, hatred, frustration, despair and confusion. Thank you. I really needed to hear this, specifically today.

[farrealmrollers]

Thank you Sam. You are a son of encouragement; yours is truly a ministry of reconciliation, both horizontally and vertically. I’m living that soap opera right now. Your videos are life lines in the turbulence of the storm I’m living in
-love in Christ

[tcot]

Your videos calm my mind and allow me to have a little peace. I get what little sleep I can while listening to your videos.

[daleabrams]

Going through the disclosure process from many many affairs on all levels I am the betrayed and I'm just stuck with if she does love me how could she do all these things to destroy me

[gsxr]

I’m a betrayed spouse. And am struggling 5 months later. I feel like I’m going backwards right now. Feeling like I’m pulling away in intimacy. All I seem to do is visualize. what happened. How she was intimate with the other guy. So when she touches me my mind goes to how she was touching the other guy. And makes me lose interest. And I don’t like feeling this way towards her. It feels like she is trying to work on our marriage.

[jaycurtis]

Know that your words have brought me through a dark place and are still encouraging me. Thank you

[jeanettejonesdupreez]

My husband is still the victim after i found out about his betrayal. Two affairs i found out about January 2021. January 2022, he did it again. I've been trying to help him. But I'm done. He keeps being the victim. Actually blaming me because I spoke up. He has Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi Polar, Narc, and ADHD, as per our psychologist. He had intensive therapy in a clinic July 2021. I'm giving up. He doesn't do any thing from his side to "win me back". He has a me, myself and I attitude. My feelings mean nothing.

[bumblebee]

As the betrayed and the wayward (in the past) spouse, I volunteered. I was really doing the work. He decided to cheat again and "fall in love" this time. He now says I'm overreacting.
We were (or I was) healing and looking at how I contributed to the marriage, I was changing. He decided to break my heart.

[TCGreen]

Thank you brother. I needed to hear that today. You keep your eye on the positive even when your hurting too. God bless.

[frankie_CALB]

I’m still working on forgiveness… 2 years and 4 months later… I can’t fully forgive or trust.

[azaleaznasteroidz]

As a betrayed, after 5 years I feel that I should be beyond the triggers that I continue to have but when I try to tell my partner how I feel about it he says I’m essentially just calling him a terrible person without actually saying those exact words. I want it to work but we have never been on the same page. I want to get past this but I don’t know how.