Ex Is Sending Mixed Messages and Hot and Cold Behavior

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Clay Andrews explains your ex’s hot and cold behavior and why you might be getting mixed messages from your ex.

This is part of the five stages your ex goes through emotionally on the journey toward getting back together. This stage is called Riding the Dragon.

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If your ex is sending you mixed messages or hot and cold signals, then it's because something very specific is happening with them on an emotional level.

I understand that it can be frustrating when your ex tells you that they want to get back together with you or that they love you one day... only to tell you that the two of you should date other people or that it's for the best that you broke up the next day.

But what you may not know is that your ex is not doing this simply to frustrate you or to string you along.

In all honesty, your ex means what they say. They are just extremely confused about what they want for themselves.

They are in one of the 5 stages of getting back together called Riding the Dragon.

Here your ex is confused and trying to figure out exactly how they feel about you and where they want you in their lives.

Most people make a mistake here by acting from a point of frustration and delivering an ultimatum or forcing their ex to make a decision right now.

Unfortunately that will not work out since your ex is not at an emotional point where something like that will actually convince your ex to choose to get back together with you.

If your ex is sending mixed messages or hot and cold behavior and you are interested in getting back together with them, then you need to understand their emotional world so that you can respond accordingly.

Riding the Dragon can often be the most emotionally challenging stage for people to deal with because so many people hang on their ex’s every word.

And it is exhausting to think that your ex is seriously considering getting back together with you, only to have them pull away the next day.

This constant back and forth and hot and cold isn’t something that your ex is trying to do intentionally to string you along (unless they are just a jerk…). In most cases your ex is genuinely confused and doesn’t know any more than you do.

What they need is for interacting with you to just feel good on an emotional level. If you can do this, then it is a push to get them past the Riding the Dragon stage onto the next stage: Crisis Point.

[dayanneleon]

Can no contact work during this stage? These mix signals are driving me crazy besides he is in a rebound relationship.

[Mauitaoist]

just remember to stay detached from the outcome everything always turn out perfect doesn't mean you'll be with this person again it just means what's going to be as what's going to be so you have to get over that and stay on your spiritual path don't get distracted

[rh]

I have been watching you video nonstop in the past several hours. To be honest this is legit stuff. No mind game, no tricks, this is serious good advice bro. This world needs more empathy. Thumbs up!

[ShayCat]

Dear Clay,

I've watched many of your videos and even commented on a few about my ex and how I can get her back to which you responded and I'm grateful for. It's been some time since that and I'm happy to say that my ex and I are back together. We had the most wonderful and perfect weekend. I stayed over at her place and when we were lying there just cuddling, she told me she loved me which is something she hasn't said in a long time.
When I was working at a boring job, I realized that I had too much time on my hands to think and be needy which she wasn't attracted to. She also doesn't like to be too tied down or forced. Tho my relationship is that of a same sex, I don't pressure her into anything when it comes to her parents etc. But she seems to be so in love with me now that she doesn't care anymore if they find out (she used to be straight) but I'm just so happy. Thank you for your videos and your understanding. Keep up the great work!

P.S. it's also to be noted that I asked her about being in a relationship which at first she didn't want because she doesn't see herself being full on committed with a woman to build a life with. I told her that she makes a lot of effort for someone she doesn't want to be with and that she should maybe really look at this and just accept who or what she is.

[SunNy-csdd]

I think he does this. sometimes he wants to meet and have some sort of intimacy and goes cold afterwards..

[gemalopez]

It so difficult to deal with. At times he makes me think that he's interested, but then others he acts silent. And tells me lets take it slow.

[hsiurui]

Hi Clay, your ARS are the best. my ex are finally opening up a little bit just like how he talk to a friend, he still see my stories on ig and fb, then when i casually ask to catch up, he goes silent. maybe i am too fast, but hey thanks because i know this will be coming. 🙏 his type of riding the dragon won't be so much of "i miss you i love you" or "we can't get back together" but more like silence. he already have this belief that he doesn't want to be put others in false hope so he choose either to not say anything at all or really opening up.

[MrCryptler]

When did people ever get so Lost and Confused? Something in the water supply, Chemtrails, Toxoplasma Gondii or Demon possession?

[shawnabattaglia]

All my ex talks about when we do talk is how shitty his life is. So do I just continue to listen to him complain or should I just back away? I have been emotionally available to his feelings since the beginning. He never asks me how I'm doing. Its all about him. Im so tired of his complaining then him just ignoring me then contacting me to complain again. This is litterally going nowhere.

[brittanyc]

New to your channel here!👋🏼 My ex texted me and we hung out twice, but ever since I’ve been getting mixed signals in that I can’t tell if he is waiting for me to initiate more or not, or if he is playing games since I felt him pulling back. Is this normal? He broke up with me since he was about to lose his job and felt pressure, so I don’t know how he’d be unsure of me (the whole riding a dragon/reactance thing). How is this a good thing?

[JN_]

My ex wanted to pretend to love me because he believes it would fix my depression, he said he still loves me but I didn't believe it I knew it was a joke but it really threw me off when he said that it wasn't a joke when I asked idk

[dariankuckelman]

Hi clay,
My boyfriend and i broke up 2 weeks ago (we were dating for a year & a half) because i wasn’t giving him space and the freedom he & i both needed. Now I’m trying to get back with him, he’s very hot and cold, he tells me he doesn’t notice any change and wants to use tinder one day, then the next he’s cuddling up to me telling me he loves me. What do i do?

[heartbreakercedes]

Me and my ex had contact may 23rd he said he was coming back and didn’t went silent seen him July 4th he wouldn’t talk to me but kept walk close by me smiling in my face tell ppl he don’t f with me after just being at my apt texted him and said I completely give up tryna to have any communication with you he is in a rebound relationship

[rainbowloomloversful]

Hi clay, i’m pretty sure i’m at this stage with my ex we still hangout outside of school and will do shit but no one at school knows because we decided on that. some days he will be so interested in talking to me but other days he’ll very basic words to me and not much and i get confused but i feel like he’s trying to get over his ex crush after she hurt him but his feelings for her are on and off, he also admitted to me that he’s confused about what he’s feeling and girls he’s interested in, but i would like some advice on what to do and what stage you reckon i am thank you

[szabofelix]

I am stuck. We broke up 6weeks (together 1, 5 yrs). She has a rebound partner.
I sleep with my ex for this weekend (the had a fight and she miss me) and we went shopping together. I was confident and she said I was very handsome too. She laught but she keeps distance. We walk in a park when she become nervous, i asked "whats the matter?" and she told me "It is like I am breaks into two" i reply"be calm we are just friend now" and i hug her. Later I want to make her jealous and say "She is very pretty girl" ( a girl in fornt of us). She answear "I am better and you should look me, i am pretty too". Then we go home and her rebound parner send a long text and she reply "I was uncertain in my feelings but now i know I love u i don't want to lose you" and I see this. She told me " I am sorry but i don't want to sleep with u" I reply "I won't go home, i said my family i'll sleep here" she say "okay". She keeps distance untill morning when she check her phone (the boy doesn't reply) and she hug and kiss me and we laugh much.
She fell in love with this guy very much but the guy doesn"t love her because she speak and meet with me. Is it hot and cold or what?

[nicolebrowne]

How long do we go through this process Clay ? After my ex and I had contact, I have backed off . I’m not playing texting games and hearing how much he is working etc.He told me he wants to get back together but due to his working schedule he doesn’t have time for me at this point but we will be together before end of this year ! I have on and off been dating but so over men !

[sengjaaungmaran]

Hi coach clay, i'm in a long distance relationship. my ex and i broke up a month ago and i went no contact and she reached out a week later and said she love me, misses me and also wants me back, she even called me i'm hers now. but then three days later i asked her that '' what are we? '' .she replied '' i dun even know...''
what should i do coach. I already went to no contact but i dunno what to do now...

[rnair]

Hey Clay

Could you make a video on "overpowering"? My wife broke up with me bcoz she is able to overpower me which I never felt. To avoid clashes n fights, I used to give her the opportunity to decide n execute things. However that backfired. How can I overpower her and gain her back?

[shawnabattaglia]

My ex will contact me, has told me he loves me and cares, then he will ignore avoid messaging me and on social media. Then he comes back again. Its emotionally destroying me. I tild him I wanted to get back together but he's not sure yet because his life is shitty. I just want him to leave me alone if he doesn't know what he wants. Hes stringing me along until he figures it out.

[extremepop]

She's hot and cold, cause we went out on a date after being broken up 3 months, and she's interested in another guy. But I'm confident that I'm better. But after the good date, few days later, she was cold on the phone, didn't want a 2nd date etc. How do I connect with her emotionally? May you help me with some examples?? Ps. The reasons we broke up is because our arguments and fights would get worse rather than calmly resolved. It was a 10 year relationship too btw. Thank you!