INFJs are so cold 🥶🥶

Us INFJs are notorious for having the cold, intense INFJ stare. It's intimidating, frightful, and sometimes downright terrifying. Just kidding. It's only slightly unnerving but intriguing (I guess).

What's up with that? Why do we have this vibe about us that can be kind of off-putting but also fascinating? I explain in this video.

(INFJ is one of 16 personality types in personality science named the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator (MBTI for short) developed by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. Personality types include but are not limited to ENFP, ISFJ, INFP, ESTJ...etc)

#infj #mbti #infjstare

[Ms.Simone]

We aren’t cold. We are watchers and move accordingly.

[sirphil]

When I started not seeking validations from others, and I switched to an internal locus of control, my self confidence grew and I became more grounded in my character.
I'm still aloof, and liked what you said that we are lost in our own deep thoughts, but I also attract personality disorders to me, so I developed a narcissistic veneer as a bug repellent, a sheep in wolf's clothing. I just don't want to waste my time on them. If someone engages me, and feels nice...I can't help but to turn warm and affirming towards them, my Fe is on autopilot, but in stealth mode so I can go about my business.
So you know, 007 James Bond is a famous introvert character that I looked up to that doesn't give a shit about what others think of him, and quietly confident, mysterious, and that's sexy to most women.

[sweetdecember]

It is just our outer appearance. It is like our layer, outer crust but deep down inside is hot, yes, hot to the core.

[JimmyRunningDog]

58 yr old INFJ here. You gotta develop a bit of a "f#%* it" attitude...been the absolute best thing for me.

[denadear]

I had a friend who told me that what I said was hurtful because I expressed myself in a matter of fact and unemotional way to get my point across. I admit, I don't mince words. But I am not cruel. That is not my nature. With that being said, she was super sensitive emotionally. The way she made choices were based off of emotion. Not me. I detach from emotion in order to pull in all the information that I can and make a decision based off of logic and the knowledge, not by how it necessarily feels. She didn't like hearing a straightforward answer. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. Oh, well.

[ponyolittle]

This was a great video thank you! I struggled with social anxiety disorder for years because I cared too much about others' opinions and they made me feel as weird, worthless, and all alone in the whole universe. Drugs didn't help me. At the moment I decided to focus on my internal discovery and embrace who I am rather than relying on what others think of me, I started to heal myself. (btw the comments section is full of deep meaningful thoughts of INFJs which are all great to read:)

[chentina]

This is the first time I've watched your video but I just like to say that it's interesting how the INFJ youtubers kind of have a very similar way of talking. And then I looked back at a few videos I've made myself but never got to post, I was amazed to see that I was talking the same way as well. Never noticed it before as I don't really know INFJs that are close to me. It's hard to describe how we talk but it generally feels, like you said, "grounded" and calm, rational and in a way almost detached. I think that's where the "coldness" might have come from as well. Even the beat sounds similar: we leave breaks in the middle of sentences as if to allow time to process the ideas, and then there are often word-choices that are not very common. It could just be a total coincidence, though, but I just had to mention it as an interesting finding.

[ShawnOG]

16:15 you obviously said that because it would be quite beneficial for us to subscribe and click the bell and there's nothing wrong with that, what's wrong is your ability to overthink at such a fast rate to quickly come to the conclusion to take it back as you think something that would benefit you would be selfish. its not, learning to become more selfish will be one of our toughest lessons EVER. we need to embrace this fully and really start leaving our INFJ mark in this world, unapologetically .

[BindingTheYoke]

When an INFJ turns to their dark side they are very cold and calculating.. I think of character flaws that I had in myself that developed as an emotional defense mechanism against the abuses I suffered as a child, this played out in mastermind levels of manipulation masked perfectly by constantly pretending to myself that I was ok, because I can understand people so well and see their fears and feelings and intuit their needs easily this was not a good combination under self deception. Since I had a spiritual awakening and a healing of that woundedness in my early twenties those character defects are no longer dominant and the more altruistic INFJ is present thankfully. >_> my guess is that Hitler never remedied his core character defects, he was probably stuck in the Ni-Ti loop and had such a level of self deception that was reinforced by the political ideologues of his time. ..and combined with his inferior sensing overstimulated by the constant crowds around him, it was a recipe for disaster. The cognitive stack of an INFJ is so terrifying because of the amount of interior conviction we have regarding our own understanding that it is very compelling to others on top of the ability to profoundly understand others wants/needs/fears can either be used to help humanity or burn it to the ground. =_=

[agapelove]

I can turn things off as a defensive strategy. I go numb in a kind of disturbing fashion sometimes when I feel forced to. I was being treated with cruelty, without remorse, and the like by a Psychopathic Narcissist. I had lived with him for 8 years, and I suddenly went cold towards him to keep him from feeding off of me any longer. I cut him out of my life, and now have to co-parent with him. It won’t be easy for either of us, but I will always be analyzing every move he makes. Let’s be honest. I can’t and won’t let down my guard. Hell hath no fury like an INFJ scorned...

[jessahgase]

It’s weird because I feel like no one truly knows me. I want to find someone I can comfortably be myself with no mask just me.

[joyousprairies]

I was on antidepressants for 20+ years. They do help. They saved my life. However they numb you. I was neither happy or sad. Just alive. Numb. I have been off for 3 years. It was difficult to feel things again but I am better for it. They changed my personality while I was on them. It made it easier to be in public with people because I felt nothing.
I am glad you addressed the intimidation issue. I pick them up from people and never understood it.

[angelaengle]

0:02 As an INFJ, I want another quarantine, but thanks for asking. :)

[stevepeterson]

Hey bud,
A few thoughts. 51 year old infj male. Thanks for the videos, I've made some recently, not posted yet but it was helpful even for my own clarity and healing. I may post at some point, still condensing a ***strong enough purpose. I've worked so hard, for so long, just to ***fit into myself . . . Not fit into the world. . . I hope that's useful info.
Fitting into myself eclipses all other reasons to fit into the world. Still, it's not an opposing conflicting duality . . . Because I can now also navigate the world without ***violating my core values (authenticity!)

So, one of my compasses is set to what is known as ***Congruency.
In separate components of body language, there is +What we say, +How we say it, + physicality + other aspects (breath, voice inflection, facial expressions)
So, when*** all of those components are ***saying the same thing, we are congruent. Someone who is not is said to be incongruent(watch for both . . In others)
So people can be their own distinct personality, but ****Congruency is what will work for any type.
Sorry, wordy, apologies if you've said or heard this already. Appreciate your work, I recognize the challenges of making these videos. I've only summoned the courage to even comment just weeks ago.
Never been member of social media in my life.
Sticking my toe in the water . . . . What was I thinking!!!
: ) All the best

Dork, -out.

[TheWizardjones]

He is right about working on self. Not adjusting your personality to those around you to make them feel good, but adjusting the way you think about yourself and how you absorb the negativity that surrounds you. However, being cold and detached is kind of intoxicating for me right now, so I definitely need a bit more work.
Thanks for your input!

[ABoujeeCrone]

Add being an empath to the infj and being an introvert. The struggle is REAL.

[infj-tguy]

Yes my friend, the whole of existence itself is in a never ending state of absolute chaos and beautiful peace, a universal balancing act of cosmic proportions, it never ends, there will always be suffering and there will always be peace, life n death coexist in flawless harmony

[SD-rmty]

I've experienced a lot of traumatic experiences in my life and there have been really dark moments in my life that created the thickest shell around me and it's nearly impossible now to let anyone in, I care very deeply about loved ones and humanity as a whole but it's extremely hard to let someone in.

[yepitsme]

That’s a joke right. Lmao
Quarantine was the time bro
Especially for introverts

[infj-tguy]

As an infj with the idgaf attitude towards life n ppl we can be cold af because a good % of us are in the process of numbing ourselves to our friends n family so that when they go away or die eventually it won't hurt us, this could possibly explain why so many of us have dull faces, we look at the world n see its darkness and understand the endless suffering and we try to numb ourselves to that too, we are great n kind ppl, most of us are, but being such requires alot of metal strength, we try to keep ppl close while keeping them away in a paradoxical way so we cant be hurt by anyone on earth, I know that there's at least one infj out there like me who loves his/her family so much that they practice accepting their loved ones deaths while simultaneously loving them with every fiber of their being while slowly dying inside, as a result of this we can be as cold as the highest point of mount everest and even the infinite blackness of space itself