Do You Sound Patronizing?

If someone expresses their discomfort with your best attempts at applying brand new communication skills, here are some things to try. Here I'm talking about using Nonviolent Communications (NVC), but you can apply this to any new personal growth strategies and communication tools that you're adopting.

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[ImmediateTherapySolutions]

You are so smart. "Do as you'd like as long as you aren't imposing it on others" is not only a great way of behaving but a way of speaking. It respects both your freedoms and others freedoms and if everyone implemented this way of thinking the world would be a beautiful place.

[duanefrench]

Thx, for making me conscious of this behavior. Growth is for a lifetime.

[rebeccaforsyth]

Damn. I definitely have been doing the self-improvement one. Thanks for helping me understand.

[tymcrae]

Wow I absolutely love this . I felt the feeling but needed a clear definition to exactly what it sounds like.❤

[crackpillow]

You know what, thanks. You're kind and helpful

[ASHDesign]

I've heard many people are put off by my profession saying Interior designers can come across patronizing, stuffy or rude. My painter politely told I can come across as a bit opinionated and condensing. I dont mean to be & don't want to be off putting and lose clients. Thank you for the insightful video !

[shridhards]

So angelic you are in your presentation of the things
. Great way to go. Hats off.

[partlyblue]

Beautiful video. This video very much aligns with how I expect other people to be considerate of their tone. Unfortunately, for that reason I'm unsure if it's wise for me to show this to my girlfriend. I'm unsure if I'm falling victim to the confirmation bias believing this to be truth, perhaps I'm actually not taking enough accountability for how I react to harsh tones (to clarify: I feel deeply hurt and angry at both myself and the situation. It's not until this happens several times that I start talking back in the same tone). Dang, autism sucks

[miscellaneousSLUDGE]

You're a hero, thank you Dr. ❤🙌🫶

[Smudge]

Jesus, thank you so much for this. Really helps clear up how I’m coming across and why. Brilliant, thank you!

[nicoseaton]

I just got accused of this which is what brought me to this video. I am an I.T support guy who takes calls from people of all levels of I.T literacy. Someone called me up for help and I couldn't remote in so I was asking them to try things and what the results of those things were. About 10 minutes into the diagnosis they just suddenly say "CAN YOU STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE YOU ARE PATRONISING ME" I was working from home sick and it was in my voice I guess.

[jessicamejia]

Very helpful! especially on social media, trying to be helpful because I empathize but they never asked for my advice. my goal now is if I can't offer a helpful comment for what they are looking for to move along. Venters are my big downfall- social media-wise, i hope.

[paulshinn]

Very insightful for myself, gonna have to change…🎉

[olafweyer]

I am subject to this by my older sister, we are both in our 50s and the only luke warm positive emotion I can bring myself feeling for is.... indifference. And that already takes all my strength. Imagine what I would feel if i let all this patronizing get to me! Naturally, I felt it from time to time. I think she might be reason I've become more or less of a stoic..

[jovyflagg]

Thank you for this! My husband and I always end up arguing and turn nothing into a big fight. He often says my smart mouth is the problem. I always think I am just trying to help out and I even have to change the way I speak so I don’t feel like I’m telling him what to do. So instead of saying, maybe you should do this or do that, i started trying to ask him if he had done step A or B or exhausted all the options to solve it. I got told that I am condescending evn though I was giving a feedback for the problem I was asked for. My husband asked me “why is it even a question and why would I have to ask if he did a, b, c, d. He takes so much pride in his work so when I told him it could be a simple mistake or human error, he flipped out when I asked him to check all possible aspects of what could go wrong. It didn’t end well. I didn’t think my solicited advice would gone wrong. And now I am googling how to fix my smart mouth. For reference, English is my second language and I am trying my best and feel like I walk on eggshell everyday not to say the wrong words.

[typicalmama]

I've been accused of being condescending but I'm a manager and I'm trying to learn how to help without sounding like I'm better etc

[bianca]

You're great. Don't go anywhere fast.

[brittatimmermans]

How do I avoid being patronized when a job coach talks to me that way? other people adopt this because they think they have to talk to me like that. I find this very annoying because I don't feel seen or heard or taken seriously, and I don't feel connected to other people and that makes me depressed. I feel so small that I find it very difficult to say anything about it. I said something about it once, but she still does it and that makes new employers and colleagues think that they should treat me that way. It gives me a lot of frustration and I am also a quiet person, so people can easily think that they should treat me that way. especially if my coach continues to do that all the time.

[amyjbelanger]

Would love to hear how to navigate this with business partners, when each partner has different areas of expertise, and there isn't time and space to bring both partners as fully up to speed as they'd like (because that would require serious, long term education).

[holly]

How do you do that when you are in the role of an expert? People come to you for the expertise, accuse you of this and still expect service. How can you "check yourself" without sounding stilted?