Commitment Phobia discussion with Dr Becky Spelman

Dr Becky Spelman discusses fear of commitment on a UK talk show. What is commitment phobia, where does it come from and how to overcoming it.

#commitment #relationships #attachment

[jennstar]

I love when she talked about being emotionally available because of how you were brought up. I wasn’t raised by my parents so I was detached emotionally from the people who raised me and caused some behavioral issues and anxiety. I am now with someone who is very emotionally available as he was raised by loving parents, but it has been difficult to meet him halfway because he is very affectionate and I am not, but I really am trying to break that cycle and become more emotionally available. However I do struggle with commitment. He wants a future with me and I’ve been very independent throughout my whole life and I get anxious and fear I might be choosing the wrong guy because he is too attached to me emotionally and I am not used to receiving this much love. I like it but it makes me anxious to know that he loves me so much and want to give me the world, but I’ve never been 100% emotionally available with anyone and don’t know how to handle it and commit to him.

[kram]

Oh my word. This is so me. When I'm in a relationship I get so destructive and pick up bad habits. When I'm alone I feel empowered and less drained but the break up hurts. I never want to put myself through that ever again. 😭. I'm staying away from men, I feel trapped and monitored. This is an unhealthy pattern. I honestly hurt myself more.

[KostMalen]

Make sure you don't act out on your anxiety when it comes. This is the problem because when it comes, it's like a reflex. It's like saying, don't raise your hands to defend yourself when someone is obviously trying to hit you. So yeah, the advice is true, but it is so so hard... and the more you try the harder it gets.

[jimmorrison]

Thank you so much. Dr. Becky is spot on. I appreciate the empathy she gives here.

[queenmi]

This is a really great video. I watched a few b4 this one and she was the only one who resonated with me. I'm trying to understand myself more. Why do I do the things I do? The desire to grow past these places in my life where I always seem to regress or fall off and truly being empowered to overcome these challenges next time around has led me to seek answers. I definitely am all that she described in pertaining to ppl who have a FOC. I knew that I always pick ppl who are emotionally unavailable in some regard which always throws me into the same energy of on again off again, I'm the one who's in and out. Me not feeling obligated to open up in the relationship because since I've allowed myself to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable I don't feel "SECURE" enough in this relationship to be vulnerable. Yet, this is the same thing I accuse them of but it's me. Wow, thank you God for this video.

[ScottH]

Dr Becky knows what she’s talking about. Good discussion

[bunniewood]

Im in therapy for this. Its ruining my life. Ive been disappointed by people my whole life. I really want a loving longterm relationship but I get the ick the second they like me back. I really hate this. I have high self-esteem but im afraid of being connected with someone faulty or broken...which we all are.

[veromoreno-diaz]

Yikes 😬. I hope this can be truly changed....

[jm]

Actually people who are emotionally available are not attracted to the avoidant or anxious partners and that is why when avoidant and anxious meet it's a living nightmare.

[lankylame]

Okay, I see someone and have a conversation with her, how do I know she is emotionally available or not before even conversing?

[rebeccajones]

I dated a committmentphobe. He started to be verbally abusive and neglectful. So I broke it off with him.

[captainfrosty]

Being a non commitment phobe made me a commitment phobe.

[FFICERPROBLEM]

Haha that toaster thing might be the most useless analogy I've ever heard ;P

[mariettaberry]

Get comfortable with anxiety? If you're experiencing anxiety, by definition, you aren't comfortable.

[peteryang]

This woman is like the hottest woman with a PhD I've seen

[Payne..]

Commitment phobia don't exist it's just not being interested in that person enough to want to settle down when a person who blows you away comes along you will settle down with them