Invest in Your Relationship: The Emotional Bank Account | The Gottman Institute

Ever wonder why some couples make it and others don’t? We’ve found it has a lot to do with the “Emotional Bank Account,” which represents the balance of positivity and negativity in your relationship.

As relationship researcher Logan Ury explains, you make "deposits" through positive interactions and you make "withdrawals" through negative ones. In healthy relationships, the ratio of positive behavior (showing interest, asking questions, being kind) to negative behavior (criticism, anger, hurt feelings) is 5:1. Keep your balance high by doing nice things every day for your partner and recognizing when they do nice things for you.

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[shelleycharlesworth]

Most people are so clueless about how to have a good relationship. It's simple-appreciate, improve, protect & connect!

[iaxacs]

Man I wish I learned this in school so I could've saved myself a lot of heartbreak because I was always trying to do big huge things in a relationship or for a crush.

[wwechampion]

I feel like if you pair this with a great understanding of your and your partner's love language, it'll make you all both happier.

[vincentmason]

This is a terrific way to picture the importance of investing in any kind of relationship. Well done!

[funkay]

I love the animation, makes it soo much easier to understand ♡

[sandram]

This is so well done. Thank you. For English as second language is great! Blessings 🙋🏻‍♀️

[ronenben-naftali]

The clip is well made and illustrates the concept in a clear and catchy way. One comment, though. I think it is appropriate to mention that the term "EBA" (Emotional Bank Account) was first introduced in Stephen Covey's book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People".

[sapientia]

Simple stuff to execute, unless your partner has low EQ/Social Communication Disorder, plus a narcissistic and abusive bent. A few years after taking a Gottman workshop together, and I still have to ask for acknowledgements for what I provide in our relationship. I am barely even seen, much less appreciated, and it's mainly the negative that my partner remembers. Wish the Gottmans had added some of these psychological disorders to their research so their work could also be "heard" by such people.

[goproprim]

Very helpful! It’s so important to be mindful of these things!

[Schquirl]

I feel fortunate if he acknowledges my existence or says thank you. He only talks to me when he wants something. My emotional bank account is empty. He is also good at draining my real bank account too.

[aeriheirsling]

I like the video except the one thing is its too kitschy at the end; "in no time". If it takes 5 interactions to make up for one bad comment then it is more than no time. If the relationship is faked by keeping score then it's a job not a marriage.

[doncallaway]

Nice didn’t work for me. I was either spending too much money or have the wrong gift or was just being a pleaser

[jd]

Sir, please make videos with sub-title.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[tylermaddox]

Who in my class can see this PDMA Middle school only

[krystarodriguez]

What does it mean if you have w balance in your emotional bank account? Is the bad or good?

[flawedplan]

Lovely animation but unfortunately inaccurate. The ratio is actually 20:1! Get it right and I will be honored to post it on my blog for mixed neurological couples.

[justerick]

What a load of bull, if you are a man watching this please do not put any value in this video whatsoever. it seems that they are no longer happy with just leaving you financially bankrupt when they decide to monkey branch. Now they want to be able to leave you emotionally bankrupt as well. Don't fall for it.