8 Common Mistakes People Make in Therapy

Is your therapy as effective as it could be? This video highlights 8 common mistakes that people make when they go to therapy, and each of these can limit your progress.

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Disclaimer:
This video was created by Barbara Heffernan, LCSW for educational purposes only. These videos are not diagnostic and provide no individual consultation. Consumption of these materials is for your own education and any medical, psychological, or professional care decisions should be made between you and your primary care doctor or another provider that you are engaged with. Barbara Heffernan is not available for individual consultation via YouTube, social media, or email, and provides services only in the manner mentioned above.

[BarbaraHeffernan]

Are there other mistakes you feel people might make? Or that you yourself may have made?

[amyj.]

Therapy has certainly, worked for me. When I did the assignment before end of session. It helped me, to carefully observe many things I was too afraid to at one point. My previous therapist, taught me the importance of reframe and self compassion. Then that led to me doing inner child, reparenting work and learning how to heal my abandonment issues. And I have learned that my anxiety was a Spidey sense for my boundaries being, disrespected and severely crossed. And how to ground myself, in the present and focusing on the resolution to what's causing a problem. Those 8 years of therapy, were the most necessary years and healing tears of my life. Then people started to accuse me of being selfish and uncaring, when I learned how to stop taking other people's projections towards me into heavy consideration. People who love me, are happy for my empowerment not insulted by my proactivity. And yea we are human, but I want to now be a more mindful and conscientious human. Being considerate, has never been an issue for me. People can't decide if they want you to be caring or self centered. You can make others happy, when they are already miserable on their own. So I chose me. She also showed me how to recognize, when someone is trying to trigger me and open up my healing wounds because I am moving differently and showing up for myself. I can't be in a relationship, when I needed to learn how to show up for myself first. And deal with my own problems, without expecting someone else to save me from my own pain to break my codependency issues and habits. Those therapist assignments, really help out

[kristinapitalskaya]

As always, such helpful and timely explanations covering these important aspects, which can be especially relevant to those who have just started their therapy, like myself. Thank you!

[hanaamr]

That was really helpful. Pls continue(how to recover from narcissistic abusive childhood, and it's family dynamics) ❤️lots of love and gratitude and prayers from Egypt 💕

[Tinasmindfugrowth]

Very good advice 👌 👍 Thank you.
I believe most of the mistakes are made by a therapist though. I have been so, so burned by a therapist so I might be a bit, or alot judgmental.
What you said should be the first part of the first Session. I don't think a lot of people know what to expect when they see a therapist.. I know I did not, but have learned a lot in the meantime. I learned that my therapist cost more harm than good.
I think one mistake clients can make is that they believe and hang on every word the therapist says without questioning it.
Another one is that the client does not stand up for their believe, in fear of losing the therapist.
My mistake was being with a therapist that was emotionally to connect. I heard this from other group members as well. For one example, They recommended divorce because they ended up with divorce themselves because of a betrayed spouse.
Mine told me, not even recommended me to disown my mother.

[kirkmbruni]

Likwise, maybe the 9th most common? The best therapist I've ever had...taught me how to interview future therapists.

Don't forget to "interview" the therapist during the first session (or during a pre-consultation) to make sure they can "do" the work with you.
If you have an alcohol addiction issue and the therapist specializes in psychosis, that therapist is definitely not for you.

Interview questions: "what's your specialty, " "what's your success and failure rate" (0-100%), and "what have you personally overcome in your life to get here as a therapist that applies to my situation."

Be prepared for the therapist to "not" want to answer some of your interview questions or struggles to answer some of your direct questions. They are human beings also but are also running a business to make money. If you are a people pleaser, this is a good practice from the very beginning. Go with your gut on how the therapist chose to respond to your interview questions to see if you want to continue and move into therapy with that specific therapist.

If you tend to "vent" during therapy, ask the therapist to allow you to vent for two sessions, and after that...make an agreement with the therapist to use hand signals or mouth gestures (such as the therapist grabbing a left or right ear during therapy or make some kind of lip gesture such as biting the lip), to slowly teach you how to be mindful of your venting during therapy. Some people vent unconsciously! With the agreement, have the therapist slowly taper....to give you warning signs of your venting during therapy so you can learn accountability of your venting productively and slowly.

Hard read for me. But a good book on overcoming "blame" is by Dr. Willaim J. Knaus "Take Charge Now!"

All is well,
Kirk (Virgo).
Thank you for the writing therapy. Love to write.

[Ry-izbc]

I made a mistake in therapy by not disclosing that I was seeing another Therapist. I had a bad reaction to therapy where the front of my brain felt like it tore like Velcro. I followed up with the therapist about what I was experiencing and was told to go outside for a walk and forget about the heavy negative thoughts. I felt fine before the session and literally lost my identity. I have felt depressed since that session. I found another therapist to try EMDR to get rid of the trauma that I suffered and it did not work. Be careful with therapy because it can literally change your life.

[dancingdragon]

I wish someone had told me about crisis counselors 25 yrs ago. Maybe that explains why therapy always seemed pointless. It never addressed the crisis I was currently having.

[victoriacortina]

Excellent video Barbara. Love your content.

[gmansard]

None of these things have ever been problems between me and therapists. Regardless, I have been in and out of therapy for many years with different therapists and have never felt that it has achieved much of anything.

I'd like to keep trying but don't know what to do. Yes I have discussed this with them and still don't know what to do.

That's about my greatest frustration. Through all my therapy they have noted very little that I hadn't already seen myself, nor suggested anything that I hadn't already tried. And tried. And tried. And tried.

I have trouble believing that therapy does much of anything for anyone.

[leave]

My therapist Brain Keens is shown on the list of BetterHelp that is mentioned here 😄, and I made the venting mistake in all my sessions 😅😝

[lindawatkin]

At 84 years old, I need a therapist followed to my age.A really young person may only get aging issues academicly

[a]

Barbara, I am dealing with a certain anxiety / fear about an issue in my head which brings me stress when the thought cross my mind. I have no answer to the thought. I have learned to acknowledge the negative thought which has helped me to lower my anxiety a lot but I don't know why it still causes stress and tension on my body. This affects my mood and sleep. It's a cycle. This has been going on for weeks. 2 yrs ago Dr said I have GAD. However I don't get other anxiety thoughts other than this particular one. I don't know how to stop it. My body gets stress up and this affects my sleep. What should I do?

[lindawatkin]

My .therapist tells me too much about herself.However, She is always there for me when I need her between sessions.

[zamirkazmi]

Great video. Do you do therapy online?

[poisonousflytrap]

CAN YOU HELP US WHO SUFFER SENSIROMOTOR OCD ESPECIALLY NOTICING BREATHING 🥺

[mrs.christmas]

What do you do if you suffered trauma from circumstances that violate the Therapist's beliefs?
For example, if you've suffered Trauma, Medical Experiments, and Impregnation by 'Aliens', and the Therapist doesn't know, or believe, that Aliens exist?

[Tanshai]

Can PTSD be cured through systematic desensitisation ?

[Aerahath]

My child therapist did not help me at all... she traumatized me to much so that I learned to mask so that she said I am good to go.

[lindawatkin]

I believe that the end of the day, the client is the one to change