How to Argue with a Narcissist and WIN!

It's normal to feel crazy when you're arguing with a narcissist. The gaslighting, the invalidation, the lies and accusations. So what are we supposed to do?

#narcissist #narcissism #conflictresolution

[goodintentions]

After years I got him to go to a therapist with me. He did get me to go off in a rage at the session. The therapist said "I see. She's allergic to your lies." I wish there were more therapists like that.

[Mplsgurl]

Avoid them at all costs. When you have to deal with them, become a gray rock; boring, unbothered and non-reactive. It’s hard as hell, but the peace is worth it.

[icecream-soup]

The only winning move against a narcissist is to not play.

[wendynash]

I waited many years for my turn. I tried being assertive, communicative, silent, all the things. Only when I realized that I was being baited and I stopped taking the bait, that I took back control over myself. I detached and stayed aloof. I wondered how long I could play that game and stay sane and likely would have stayed in that inauthentic relationship. Luckily, he found a new supply and divorced me. It was the greatest gift.

[lblincoe]

The problem is that the second you decide not to engage anymore and uphold your boundaries, because you deserve better than someone who refuses to take accountability and invalidates you, they'll suddenly validate everything you've ever said and take accountability for everything they've ever done and they'll tell you you're right, they've been taking advantage of your kindness and now they can see how much they've hurt you and they're committed to making it right.

They're experts at contrition when it serves them, and because this is someone who means a lot to you, it's nearly impossible not to believe them because you WANT to believe them. So you agree to stay, and you give them stipulations to safeguard your well-being, and you set conditions they have to meet to prove they're committed to changing. Of course they promise to do everything you say and they're the perfect picture of remorse.

You'll stay hypervigilant to any signs of their old behavior coming back for a long while, but that gets exhausting for anyone to keep up long term and they always make sure they don't falter so you start to feel safe again. They know you won't be able to maintain your carefully guarded boundaries forever, so they'll wait you out by consistently showing up like a normal person until you finally believe they really have changed... And that's when they know they've got you and it all starts to creep back in again. And round and round you go!

[kathyl]

Anything I bring up to have an "adult" conversation with my husband is automatically brought back to be my fault. Him being on fetish websites asking for nudes....my fault. Him lying ...my fault. Him having women's phone numbers saved in his phone....my fault. Counting down the days to divorce, freedom, and getting my sanity back.

[sheemakarp]

“A boundary is for us … it requires nothing from the other person.” 🤯🙇🏽‍♀️🙏🏽

[ArilenaMoon]

"The only way to win with a narcissist is not to engage." Words of infinite wisdom 💯 If you are forced to engage with a narcissist, please remember nothing they say really matters. Don't let them trigger or guild-trip you. If you expect anything human from them, you'll lose each time.

[ceciliamac]

“They act like they are trying to make you better by constantly criticizing you”
Yup. 😑

[ginettelepine]

I left my husband of 25 years because he was a narcissist man. I learned this phrase in therapy: do not give a narcissist the power to hurt you. You give no information, no emotions, no interest. With 3 sons, it was difficult to avoid him, but keeping this sentence in mind all the time, it worked. He lost interest and took his narcissist ways somewhere else. A post-it by the phone at home, at work, really helped. Never answer the call. Wait for the voice mail and act accordingly or simply ignore. He could not control me anymore and went away. Good riddance. Life is sweet.

[yvar.]

A few days ago I fell for an argument again. The moment I realised, this is again leading nowhere but me raging in the end that he doesn't understand the obvious logic, I stopped with a smile on my face and an "aha.". The confusion on his face was so worth it! 🖤

[pippa]

This man is so right on! A little happiness for all of you putting up with this. Left my bf after 7 years of other women and sailed down the Caribbean. Was set to leave it all behind. Until I found out he was hurting another girl. Very angry, I called the IRB/IRS and reported him for operating with no business license and paying no taxes for 10 years. He is now under full investigation. Don't lie down, ladies.

[annettekohler]

Thanks for the video. Describing my marriage. There’s only one thing you are wrong.: “ emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse”- As far as I am concerned, emotional abuse is worse. No one sees your bruises not even yourself no one believes you in the first it took me 10 weeks of hospitalisation because of severe depression and loss of identity after aging years with a narcissistic psychopath. Seven years later I am listening to this video and it still hurts, the wounds and scars will never disappear and up to today. I was never able to trust someone again.

[Gratefullifetime]

It’s not about winning, it’s about being understood which I’m learning (finally) is impossible with anyone who shows narcissistic traits

[d.]

If I could only have one video on dealing with a Narcissist, THIS IS IT. Wow. Powerful .

[Sweetpea-]

Co-parenting with a narc is an impossible situation. Keep a lawyer on retainer, stick to the facts, don’t be emotional, document everything, focus only on the kids, hold them accountable through lawyers. Keep a calendar and know when your kids turn 18 this prison sentence is OVER.

[AndyIntharaphithak]

One to keep in mind is not all narcissists are that smart, the less smart ones just resort to rage if you outsmart them, but none the less no one deserves to be abused, after all this narc research has given me new social exercise: Calling out the narcs on the spot

[sofiaferrero]

So true! The only way to win is to walk away.

[notmyrealname]

Even when you “win, ” you lose because the next time you fight they’ll remind you about how you bullied them into apologizing last time. It’s this extra layer of manipulation to make you question if you really ARE the problem. Once you see the patterns you can’t unsee it, and then you see that they’ll try harder and more blatantly to bait you.

[CatherineYork-vt]

So right! It twists your mind and makes you question reality and your own thoughts. Detachment feels so good!