What Does Empathy Look Like?

Full video:

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[ethaninscoe]

The world just gets along nicer when you can truly feel someones footsteps.

[brickstonesonn]

Thank you so much for saying that.

People don't understand how fucking depressing & insulting it is to be told you're wrong about the things you're going through.
Its especially bad if you're lonely; since their disbelief of your struggles or your perspective on your struggles becomes even stronger proof that you are truly alone & it's truly futile. It's proof that not only are your struggles terrible, your loneliness in going through that is the most absolute that loneliness can get.

That loneliness from your struggles & journey & lamentations being things only you will ever have even the possibility of knowing about, and not only that, the loneliness from feeling that you are the only one who has ever gone through such a life.
All that is even more proven to be true even more by lack of empathy on another person's part. And even if it's entirely logical they wouldn't be able to empathize, and even if you know that they're entirely not to blame, it still hurts being reminded of it.

Chronic depression is terrible. Being alone in depression is even worse. Being alone in being alone in depression is the worst.

[cherryhazard]

I've noticed that lack of empathy is the reason why people are so lonely nowadays, you're not perfect? Don't bother trying to be my partner or my friend.

[dermarm]

just wanted to say that you are so good at explaining these things. Its not even comparable to whats written on all those slides that I learned in uni past semester.
When I saw the explanation for constructivism and what it means for empathy on those slides, it didnt even come close to the simplicity and impact of Dr. K's explanation.
Thank you for teaching!

[steggopotamus]

Which is why if someone says "im weird" if you are dismissive and say "no you're not, You're normal." Take a moment instead to determine why they think they're weird and how they feel about it. they might feel how you'd feel, but they might have embraced it.

This is an example from my life, but it applies to so many things.

[MusicalCreativity]

In my personal experience, people are quick to tell you how to feel instead of asking *Why* you feel a certain way. They are so uncomfortable with people feeling negative emotions they'd rather sweep it under the rug without realizing they're sweeping *you* under the rug too.

[cherryhazard]

When you truly try and empathize with someone, you've won them over and they'll at the very least appreciate you, and love you at most...

[lasiace]

It feels... strange seeing certain threads in the comment section of this video where someone will say something about some lives not being worth living, and seeing an inmediate reply about how no, you're wrong, all lives are worth living, when the short is about this exact thing.

I mean I get it. The me of right now agrees with that sentiment anyway, that all lives have value. But I know that the me of 5 years ago did not think this way. And if you told me that 5 years ago I would have just said "Yeah, sure sure" dismissively.

What I think I've learned is that "all lives have value" is a great doctrine to live by, but a useless statement. If you dont believe it, your life will continue to spiral downwards, if you believe it then it changes your life positively even if you're in a bad situation, but if you do believe it and someone else doesn't, saying it to them doesn't do anything.

I guess we need less of this "This is how the world works or should be" and more of "Hey, help me understand why you feel that way. I may not agree, but in order for me to convince you of anything, I have to be open to the idea that I could be wrong too." That said... I guess this is a youtube short comment section, at the end of the day. The connection required for someone to feel vulnerable talking about why they feel that way, and for someone else to properly empathize with them, isn't a realistic expectation from such a place.

P.S. Although I'm commenting this, I'm realizing at the end of typing this that I'm really just doing this to organize my thoughts rather than start a discussion. But I'll hit enter anyway in case anyone does want to discuss it.

[drajakovic]

My family doctor is rejecting simple facts, I can't imagine what she thinks of my reported symptoms, much less my lived experience. I once told her, after coming from the Nuclear Medicine department, which is exclusively for thyroid issues/tests, that they do vitamin D test there now (so she could inform the other patients and save their time when they're doing bloodwork). And she just blankly looked at me and said, no they don't. And I'm like, maybe she didn't listen to me, because you can tell she never pays attention when you're talking to her, so I try again: Yes, I know Nuclear Medicine is for the thyroid, but I've JUST BEEN THERE, and there's a HUGE SIGN that says WE DO VITAMIN D HERE NOW. And she just goes, they don't do vitamin D at the Nuclear. Which means that either I'm lying, or I'm stupid. I've tried to switch to a another doctor, because I can vividly see a situation where I come to her with "I have a headache" and she replies with "no you don't", but unfortunately there's a shortage of doctors and everyone's full.

[thenkindler]

Dr. K, your tender confidence is an auspicious gust.

[luuketaylor]

Absolutely, Dr. K! One of the strongest lessons I had in empathy was a few years ago, having a client who was 40+ years my senior. Our lives were wildly different, but I did my utmost to meet him in the middle as best I could, despite not having experienced the majority of what he was sharing with me.

[Gomace]

I say this thing to people who are depressed, but I don't usually get through because they think I'm attacking them:

I used to be depressed, and I started doing the things that I avoided, that were also what everyone told me to do - focus on school, play less games.

I now feel like I don't have a lot of spare time, but I've become so well educated that I have some sort of "power" where I can choose what I want to do, because I have gotten above what I needed to have accomplished to be able to then specialize in something interesting. This has brought me a lot of joy, and I don't feel depressed spending days upon days working anymore, unlike in my high school days.

I tell people who I see have been in the same position I was in - Only play games, don't study, don't work, don't go to school. Depressed because nothing is happening, no motivation to start any projects.

I tell them I was there, and the solution was to be bored out of my mind with school to get out of the controlled life I was living, and further on into a specialized field that was interesting - or just get to a point that you think you're expected to get to, and then start a pet project on the side.

I've gotten multiple negative responses from this advice I've given, but it all stems from before they try. I've multiple times been persistant and pestering about them just doing it, until they buckle - either starting a project or getting back into studying, and every time their lives have improved drastically over just a few months. They despised me for my annoying attitude, but they also felt what I wanted them to feel after working on the things I asked them to work on. They felt like they weren't incapable anymore, and how simple it can be to work consistantly.

Starting something that they were responsible for, even though it wasn't as entertaining as a game of Valorant, or watching a TV show, always helped them understand what it took, and how it felt to progress towards things they cared about.

This is not what Dr. K adviced in this short, as far as I understand; but it is something I've found to work, despite not being what individuals have wanted to hear.

[aellalee]

That was something that helped a lot when I was in therapy. Being told that the things I was upset about were valid and how I thought and felt about those situations made sense.
It's feels harder to deal with things when friends and family try to tell you to just up and change your feelings by ignoring problems or that it isn't actually bad what's happening.

[rachell]

I told my second therapist that the reason I needed her was that I couldn’t focus on my school work and had scattered attention—my brain wasn’t working as it usually does and that was causing problems. She said that it wasn’t a problem, presumably speaking from her own experience as a different person.

[josephmbimbi]

Not just as therapist. Every decent human being trying to be better should strive to do that

[gaghhuh]

Thats why therapists ask sooo many questions- they are trying to understand your point of view

[azul]

Tldr: put yourself in their shoes. But you may still not comprehend, just respect

[vngence]

The first therapy that I went to, the dude straight up said, I did this, I did that, and I was like.. who's the therapist here? It's really rough being at a place where majority of people does not understand or accept mental health issues as real problems. And it's really sad. Thank you Dr.K for changing people's lives.

[eebbaa]

finally some representation for those of us who don’t think that every life has value

[PeaceIsKey-ogwd]

In my opinion, (feel free to tell me otherwise. I'm just sixteen) I think to really empathize with someone, (regardless of being a therapist or not) you must
1. Listen without interrupting or having any judgement towards them.
2. Understand why the person feels like that. It's no use if you listen to someone without actually understanding them.
3. Repeat the points they have made to show that you really understood.
4. Don't criticize them or push your morals on them.
5. If you have different opinions, use your understanding of their situation to convince them to see your point, but don't be pushy.
6. If you can do something at that moment to help, do it.
You not experiencing what they had experienced doesn't mean you can't empathize with them or need to force them to see things how you do. Please feel free to tell me your opinions because I try helping my loved ones this way, almost like I'm their therapist and I sometimes feel so useless not being able to do anything. Have a nice day everyone 😊