Sadism vs. lack of empathy

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[thepepper]

Lack of empathy is indifference to interpersonal suffering.

Sadism is finding pleasure in it.

[peacerun]

I think his smile when I was hurt was a key. Then I realized he got pleasure from causing pain. It was so weird i am only now really taking it in.

[kevincruickshank]

My ex is diagnosed. When we broke up I had an emotional moment and when I looked up I saw her eyes lit up with perverse joy. She then said "I'm really enjoying seeing you like this."

it was so creepy it instantly shook me out of my emotional state. Monsters - they are like something from a horror movie.

[reymohammed]

Sadism is a lot more common than you think. I've seen both "the smirk" and the prissily blank stare that conceals it too many times to doubt it.

[bcbro]

Honestly I have seen a lot of narcissist who show qualities of sadism! I saw my own mom smile every single time she caused me pain! Trust me she was enjoying it

[dekkersmama]

I remember my ex telling me "I'll never let you leave me because I enjoy seeing you suffer too much" That was a wake up call moment. I've been out for 2 years now...love & strength to all of you 🙌 🦋

[leannajimenez]

He stood over me multiple times, looking down on me crying. He would poke at my vulnerabilities and traumas and when I would react, *overtly*-- he would make eye contact and lower his voice and be "kind" and tend to my 'emotional state'. This progressed and became both confusing and nightmarish; I questioned my own sanity-- (in combination with these intermitten acts)-- he began to make horrid, foul, and degrading comments to me-- when I would turn red and have trouble speaking and drop my head, confused, and, defeated-- I would look to him confused and wanting something-- any form or reassurance-- he would sit back, fold his arms, his eyebrows would dip-- he would smirk and chuckle lightly. He enjoyed every bit of it. I don't wish this onto anyone.

[healerscreek]

OMG!! Ended a friendship last year because anytime my ex-friend heard of other's misfortunes, including my own, she would laugh, almost maniacally. I thought she just had a lack of empathy. Just wow! Thank you for this video, Dr. Ramani and team!

[Jae-byhf]

My mother was definitely sadistic, I didn’t recognise it for ages but she enjoyed my suffering & made sure I suffered all the time. She would always be smiling or happy when I was at my worst & it was so confusing to me at the time but I now know
that she was getting pleasure from my misfortune.

[yaminiayachitam]

I was just thinking of it this morning. Empathy is not trying to solve someone else's problem, but let others express their feeling and just say I am listening and can understand.

[fuseflash]

What I find interesting, the person with the least empathy, is also the person that demands the most empathy.
Like the death of a family member, that person demands a monopoly on the grief.
As if their grief overshadows everyone else's grief, so they require all the attention all the time, from the others who are dealing with their own grief at the same time

[martinsalazar_]

contrasting sadism to narcissism can be sort of splitting hairs. the difference doesn't really matter. when someone is emotionally abusing you, it doesn't feel good and it sure will wreak havoc on our mental health.

thank you for this video, Dr Ramani 😊

[rllght]

The most abusive narcissistic douches I've met all used triangulation, false rumors, slander or simply planning wrongdoings on me to manipulate people into hurting me, getting mad and berating me, or even seeking retaliations on me for deeds that I had zero knowledge for, while the narcissists watched on the side. And witnessing me squirming at the hands of others through their schemes seems to be a vital part of their tactics. I can only imagine how much twisted pleasure or petty reassurance they must have gotten from the sight of me being wronged, in distress and being humiliated publicly, struggling to clear the situation and my name.
I wonder if this kind of act count as sadistic.

[Fools]

I have seen sadism up close. I have heard it. Many times an aquaintance and sadistic "friend" would say and do things in an attempt to emotionally hurt me. As I got more adjusted to the toxicity and woyld shrug it off, she would become desperate. You could see the look of need on her face to get a reaction out of me. Even her eyes and pupils would twitch as she sought some remnant of pain in my expression. I'll never forget it.

[KCSF]

Before my x left me, showing me in the divorce process what he really was, he would watch clips on IG where others were dying. One I remember distinctly was someone being run over by a steam roller. He was laughing hysterically with his nephew and called our kids over. I put my foot down and said do not teach the kids to laugh at the suffering of others.

I am a survivor of domestic abuse. And I can now connect these dots. My x’s behavior fits the typical sadistic model based on the totality of his behavior. Withholding finances during the divorce, lack of care when his son attempted suicide because his dad ghosted him in the divorce, and his lies in the court process. This is on top of the abuse he gifted us with during the many years of marriage. I understand trauma bonding so much better now and hope to pay my healing forward.

[shayshaymann]

Sadism all the way with my mother!! She gets so excited when she causes pain on others. When I was little she would make fun of me or what I was wearing causing me to feel bad and insecure. She would continue on and on an on till I begged her to stop! She would look at me with her evil eyes and say, “when your crying, then I’ll stop”!
And then, she’ll turn around and snap at saying “now stop crying! You’re being too sensitive”! Yea I have severe trauma from that woman 😔

[harpert]

That evil smirk so many of us have seen is clearly sadistic in my opinion.

[kathiemihindukulasuriya]

In my experience, the difference was between someone who just didn't care that I was suffering because of their actions and someone that I saw a gleam of pleasure in their eyes when they caused me suffering. Both were very toxic, but the later was far scarier. If the pain is just a byproduct of a lack of empathy, it seems easier to protect yourself (try to stay out of between them and what they want), but with sadism, they come after you when they have nothing logical to gain, and even when it costs them also.

[tinaturner]

My sister enjoys humiliating me in front of my friends, and I believe it has a sadistic core.

If its a friend she has never met before, she will start "jokingly" harassing me, will usually try to get my friend involved, and if they do play along with her, the way she looks at me through her brow with that smile on her face when they do ... its disgusting. Intent made clear.

When my friend catches on to whats actually happening ... thats its not in good fun whatsoever, my friend will usually go into an apologetic frenzy, try to clarify what their intentions were (versus whatever she had going on), and the entire mood in the room will shift to where my friend wants us to leave her presence bc they are so uncomfortable.

Once my sister realizes my friend has caught on that my friend is now "not on her side", my sister will go into this weird shame state thats written all over her face due to how she is now perceived by the room. Then at some point in the near future following each incident, she will insult whichever friend that "betrayed her in her games". I just let it happen now that were older, because I realized its much better to just let people see her for how she is. But its soooo weird.

[ExiledStardust]

I think psychopathy, and the sadlism that often goes with it, are far more common than most mental health professionals believe.