Overcoming the Urge to Escape: Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

In this video, I'm talking about how to overcome the urge to escape when you're experiencing stress or a stressful situation. I'll be discussing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), providing tips on how to deal with stressful situations, and encouraging negative self-talk. I'll also be talking about how to heal BPD and become more resilient in the face of stress.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
00:34 How it feels when you need to escape
01:00 How you look at stressful situations
01:22 Rewarding your negative self image
02:20 You're string enough to get through stress
03:29 Dealing with the need to escape
04:17 Controlling your breathing
04:42 Looking at situations objectively
04:52 Catastrophizing
05:20 When to get support
05:47 Managing stressful situations

[katieg]

Yes this is the truth. As a perpetual runner I can tell you you will never run far enough away. The threat really isn't out there anymore, it's been internalized. When you develop your sense of self, you develop a sense of safety in yourself. You create a shell around yourself. This is what happens naturally when you internalize healthy caregivers but people like us have to develop it for themselves. Ask for help with this, there are people that can guide you but ultimately you are the only one who can do it. Happy Wednesday and remember to be kind to yourself!

[angelawhite]

This video is the story of my life…. Running from jobs, relationships, commitments, friends, family. And for 41 years I didn’t even know why.

[theharringtons]

I am really struggling at the moment to not give into the urge to leave my job, sell up everything and run off....I have done this so many times in the past, left jobs, left marriages, left friends, moved to a few countries always comes up for me when I have people getting too close to me and I start feeling very overwhelmed and trapped.

[Infiniteeverything]

I’m feeling so sad. I’ve just ruined a good relationship from splitting and getting really angry and stressed. I’m so grateful for these videos. I feel not so alone

[carlmartin]

Wow, today, at age 60, I have finally discovered that I am not alone in what is defined as Borderline Personality Disorder. My dad died 6 months ago and he was Borderline all of the years that I knew him. I swore to myself that I would never be like him with me, my wife off 40 years, and most especially, my three sons. My dad I worked together for 45 years. Very complicated relationship but I always wanted to have the ‘ good’ qualities that he demonstrated but not the bad. As it turns out, I was/am much like him but in a more subtle way. It’s good to know that i am not alone in having this disabling brain disorder. However, it’s not so great to acknowledge I have this disorder and no guidance. The worst thoughts of all is in knowing that my three sons had to be participants in this lifelong disorder and I thought I was shielding them this entire time (they are in their 30’s). None of them display symptoms of BPD except for one and I think he has recognized it and is dealing with it.

[LurkingLinnet]

The struggle of people with mental illnesses doesn't just end with a diagnosis, for sure we can't ways excuse ourselves at workplace or school. The daily stressors of life don't stop. So it's really a 2 way struggle. The internal fight to keep living and then fighting the external world often times unaware of our pain misunderstanding us at times or even shaming. But yes, we got this! If only we win our internal fight, there isnt anything that can stop us from building a good life. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean its never gonna happen❤
You deserve love, peace, happiness and a life !!!!

[MabelRD]

Your videos are without no doubt the best involving BPD; clearly explained, calmed, and your voice Is super peaceful.

I'm going through this at work right now; we are short staff, the network Is a mess lately, a coworker got mad at me cause i passed her a case i had to update cause she had not followed the right procedures and she got mad at me..
Then my supervisor on another side conplaining that I'm not doing enough work daily to meet the daily goal.
I felt so overwhelmed and upset.
I locked myself in the bathroom and my face started tickling and got dizzy.
I couldn't stay quiet and grabbed my razor.
I ended up messaging my psychologist cause i felt like I had to be honest since I knew i wasnt gonna discuss the topic face to face.
I'm better now; it's just so exhausting...everyday is hard af and socializing is not the first thing I'm eager to deal with at work.

[LaurieLaslett]

Your a gift to us all Dr. Fox This disorder is so complicated with so many layers. But it takes courage to peel away all the layers and feel like you have control of your life and for those who think we are crazy or unable to love they are so wrong. We are valuable people with so much to offer and once you embrace this disorder and gain the insight your on your way to peace and freedom ❤

[Amused_Comfort_Inc]

This is gonna be good! When i was 19 I managed to stop walking away for a long time, by imagining the handles to doors being red, and telling myself that if i go in there im going to break stuff, and hurt myself, and if i go in there, i have to. After some broken memories and self harm days, i finally stopped going into the "red rooms" as i called them. but theres moments still, where i feel trapped in my words, or an argument, and im not angry, but sad, and it feels safer to lock myself in a room and isolate, and cry, then it does to try and explain myself more just to feel even more misunderstood and boxed in. Really excited for this one!

[Faithy]

I am definitely struggling with this lately as my job has been more stressful than usual lately. I am trying to weigh the pros and cons of staying vs leaving, although I sometimes have the urge to just walk out the door and sever all ties here. I have done that in past jobs when I was younger, and I sometimes wish I could do that now, but I also know all the reasons NOT to do that, and I'm honestly proud of myself for controlling that urge, but it's not always easy.

[jenynz]

Thank you. I've been trying to run from my pain but I just need to face it alone instead of with people who are causing more pain. I will find strength to stand on my own 💜

[anamouchette]

My psychotherapist told me this: in a situation like the one I often envision - "the worst" happening (a.k.a. just something unexpected happening in life xD) - she would go get a bag of chips and sit, in the park or somewhere, or take a walk. With a bag of chips. Changed my life.

[maryadams]

Just went through an episode of splitting. For a brief moment I planned my execution escape. I realized I needed to change almost immediately before I seriously hurt myself. It was amazing. Almost immediately I felt a calm. I was in charge of my reaction and changed the thought pattern and personal belief system. I have been trying to change this for years but this last split was one of the most challenging belief reactions to overcome. Once I realized what was happening and why my reactions were what they were it took a few days to get grounded in reality and not believe what my imagination beleifs were. If I must deal with the issue at hand I have the coping skill to handle it maturally. Thanks for this video Dr Fox 😊

[mlebrooks]

I like this. For me walking and like just shaking shoulders or stretching
Sudoku on easy setting
Listening to a music album in a dark room
Watering plants
Reading Jane Austen
Nerf
Emptying the dishwasher
Popping corn on the stove.

[ThatGingerHannah]

It’s funny that you post this and I am going through that right now. I have a lot going on in my head in regards to work and I want to run away. I want to go home and just be alone. I let one little thing upset me and since then I’ve just been sitting at my desk going back and forth between whether or not I should leave and work from home for the rest of the day or just stay. This video helped me realize that I need to stay and not run away.

[aleksandraa]

A few years ago this urge to escape was very strong. I changed schools, places of living, it was hard for me to stay somewhere. The anxiety was so strong at times that all I had in my head was "You must escape, you must run". I really feel sorry now for the girl I was, it was a terrible feeling and there was no one to be found to stop me. It's hard for me to even think about it. Now I'm in a different place. With time I became stronger, I started to find compromises, sometimes I had to escape at least a little to feel relief. Gradually I experienced that I can be not perfect, not be able to do something, make mistakes, be annoying to someone and I can still be a part, stay somewhere, with someone, finish and achieve something, and sometimes I can decide that I want to leave and say goodbye safely.

[stephbowler]

Thank you for encouraging me to face the situation and not run from it. Oftentimes I do have the urge to get out as soon as possible but I appreciate your tip to trust myself that I'm ok even if my brain is saying something otherwise

[JDforeveralone]

When you said “I want you to learn to trust yourself “….
This sounded so … someone beliefs in me.
I do reach out to my beloved friend Yasmin ❤ whenever I get all panicky.
And what you said about not being passive aggressive and then go smash a window - oh dear!! I broke some stuff - my things - and wasn’t it for the fear of someone getting upset with me, I def would sometimes smash big things.

Still loving your videos!
I wish u well Dr and know that your work is invaluably appreciated!

Ps I got excited when I saw the title of the clip!!
The running away - I did it literally twice in my life.
Some blog I read about this the lady wrote that she imagines to hop in the car put Queen’s “Under Pressure” and just blast off ….. I felt so at home!

But in reality it’s not that funny ….

[melaniebailly]

I am now wondering whether I have BPD. I always want to run away and these days I feel there is nowhere to run and feeling worse by the minute.

[swimmerfish]

This is why I stopped smoking weed to deal with my bpd. It was just a way to escape and not learn to overcome the bpd voice that says I can't do it.