How do I know I'm masking?

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Discovering your Masks ADHD & Autism Workbook

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[JC-ybhz]

Does anyone else kind of prefer interacting with people they know they'll probably never see again? I feel like the longer I know someone, the more careful I have to be about not letting the "unacceptable" neurodivergent parts out. The more interactions I have with someone, the more policing I have to do.

[houki]

Before I was diagnosed, I told my psychologist that I found it very strange when I’m with my friends. I told her I sometimes feel like I’m watching a movie with myself casting as the main character and I feel very disconnected. You know deep down you are not your authentic self, yet you cannot pinpoint why. I noticed I don’t tend to feel this way when I am with one best friend. However, when I am with two or more friends, this feeling can be especially strong, especially when these two friends are not from the same circle. I later concluded that it’s probably because when I’m with these friends one on one, I take on a different persona, and each of these personas are natural in the context of one on one. But when you try to bring these two friends together, I feel uncomfortable and it seems to be because I feel like I can’t work out which persona to take on. It’s a very weird feeling.

[velvetteen]

It's cool that masking isn't seen so negatively here, when neurotypical people code switch all the time anyway (like speaking work appropriately, casual, etc). It's a tool set, because it is an actual thing in life to adapt to social situations. It's just different people have really different levels of comfort and sensitivity with it. Kinda like people have different levels of spice tolerance or pain tolerance to tattoos or needles.

[lieaparisss]

I’m not diagnosed with autism nor have I ever self diagnosed myself with it. But masking resonates with me so much, it’s absolutely crazy. I used to have a best friend, and whenever I was around her, I would never mask. She was the only person I wasn’t afraid to be around, or get tired of. Ever since she left, I’ve realized how much I mask and how inauthentic I am; I’ve somewhat created an image for myself.
But anyways thank you for making this video! It was very informative (also you’re really pretty)

[StarlightMikka]

When I was 18 I desperately tried to explain to my doctor that I did not understand the social boundaries and systems that people seemed to naturally understand. More than one doctor said I was saying those things as a way to manipulate people somehow. Nowadays I feel like I am understanding way too much about myself through the lens of autism and it makes me heartbroken for the teenager who I was who had everyone trying to define her actions through a lens of malice.

[pooranikannan]

shell vs comfort zone. people say we should always break our comfort zone, and that's good. but isn't being in our comfort zone sometimes necessary? or, is it NOT a comfort zone BUT a shell (which perhaps we can see as an appendage we have)? Hmm.

[anegron]

I feel like I can't do family, friends, relationship part since I think I don't have a relationship with anyone. I try to stay away from people. I don't talk to anyone only when I have to in family gatherings.
I am always anxious all the time
The only time I feel myself is when I am alone. I push everyone away because I feel uncomfortable around people

[monoex]

Thanks for representing masks in a way that isn't inherently negative. I like it. I used to mask a lot without realizing, and didn't get properly diagnosed with ASD & ADHD until I was 19, due to a sudden inability to mask because of burnout. Masks can be necessary, I dress alternative (to be fair, I'm fully aware this is a personal choice) and I find people are generally nicer & more accepting of me if I mask. Masking has also saved me from men with bad intentions. Thankfully I spend a lot of time alone or with my boyfriend who also has ASD, so I don't have to mask all the time, which has given me more control over it. Learning how to "feel" my mask has helped too. It can be dangerous to unmask around some people, so I feel safer with it. Sadly I have lost some friends that I instinctively used to mask around, but I think I'm better off w/o people who only like me if I'm masking. Good video!

[rubycubez]

In my 40s, I go outside maybe once or twice a week just to be outside and socialize with ppl in stores I frequent. I don't have that need for close relationships. It's nice in theory but I find them exhausting. I never found someone I can truly be comfortable with. Even when socializing with strangers. I go home and ruminate over the interactions for hrs. Upset I didn't make enough eye contact. Upset I didn't show more confidence. Upset that I can come across childlike and not be taken seriously. I'm smart in my brain but when I open my mouth it's the opposite. Or I think it's that way. That in itself is exhausting enough.

[elizapigs]

“socializing is a manual experience” YESS ABSOLUTELYYY

[royce]

Speaking of “stable” or “sensitive” people- a bunch of nuerodivergent people hanging out can be amazing or awful. My ADHD friends and I can have a great time if we’re all excited, extroverted, and feeling fun. But if one of us is having a day where we feel sad, sensitive to noise, and irritable, it can be tough.

[deadsoon]

My mother is extremely sensitive and insecure, since I have memory she mistakes my true self as malicious. I used to mask extremely as a child to please her, being a cheery, extroverted child that allowed her to dote on me as much as she wanted to, because when I was the way I naturally am she'd yell at me, sneer at me, ignore me and generally dislike me. Eventually I grew tired of it. She constantly starts fights due to perceived slights, over the littlest things... like me not noticing she had a hair in her eye, for example. It's insane. It has me bordering on meltdowns on a daily because her mood is unpredictable. I'm an adult and it's this bad already, I can't imagine how bad it was when I was a child. I have a dissociative disorder due to childhood trauma. And now I can see why I got amnesia up to age 11! It's awful living with a person that interprets your inherent self as a malicious entity that should be extricated and beaten into compliance. Awful.

[maryp]

This is why I love my boyfriend so much. He’s literally the only person I can not mask with. I didn’t know I could not be overwhelmed when being around literally anyone and I was coming to peace with probably feeling alone forever. I have a lot of love for people but it’s frustrating being in that moment and not being comfy. It knocks me out for days. My boyfriend is also ND so it’s nice being with someone who’ll share the comfort of being alone.

[dresdenfire]

Needing to know who's at a social situation is so important to me, I hate walking into a social situation thinking it's gonna be one thing and suddenly there are people I didn't account for there and now I have switch gears into a different social setting.

[rainghostly]

I was diagnosed with a panic disorder as a nine year old and went to a lot of therapy for that. I have a younger half-brother who is now that age and was diagnosed with autism recently. It makes me think about all the struggles I faced in my childhood and teenage years that were mostly dismissed as a "side part" to my disorder. It seems like I've been masking a lot throughout my life, especially at school. A lot of my anxiety, panic, fatigue and migraines were related to long days, overstimulation and social interactions. It makes me wonder if maybe the panic disorder has been the "side part" all along and not the other way around.
I don't know if it really matters, but it's an interesting thought. Either way, your video was really helpful. Thank you.

[andreborges]

Being a dude who’s spent the last 30 years of his life faking, acting, masking - doing myself harm for the good of others. To fit. I feel as if most of my unaware masked living was a lie. A well curated invention, designed not for me.

I’ve swore not to fall into this rut again, and to analyse myself profoundly, ceaselessly, in order to be myself.

Good luck, you people. Be yourselves FOR YOURSELVES. We are odd, and so what? It’s marvellous giving oneself permission to be weird.

Live up.

[Meowzine]

Girl. I recently found your channel and I'm shook. I feel like you're reading my life back to me and I couldn't be more thankful for your genuine & at length descriptions. Life 👏changing 👏revelations 👏

Alos, I just wanted to say: All of the content work you're putting in, sharing parts of yourself with strangers on the internet, taking the time to describe in detail - you're making a huge difference in the lives of people you may never see or interact with. I SEE YOU & I'm so grateful to you! Thank you ❤️

[Maegz]

I've tried on so many personas over the years that I'm just now exhausted. I'd like for the world to just let me exist in peace now.

[autumn]

I’m in the process of a major declutter but when I’ve got most of it sorted, I’m going to get these work books and work through them as I can see they could be a really useful tool in moving forward and avoiding major burnouts ~ I’m in recovery but with the right support I’m coming through what has been a 6 year burn out which was so intense that it has forced me to get to understand myself, the autism and adhd, so that I set myself up for success this time and have my routines work for me, and while working on my communication skills my future interactions can be kept to what’s necessary/to a minimum but they’ll be better as I’ll be more authentic. Thanks 😊

[markmuller]

Underrated video and I'm not even Autistic, I'm ADHD, I wish more people were informed on these topics that are so interesting and useful