How I stopped comparing my life to others - success should be re-defined

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[farinaceaclover]

“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

― Zen Shin

[reneepasich]

I have recently turned 65. The past three years have been full of devastating loss (my husband, mom, dad and sister). In the process I have lost who I thought I was. I am really struggling. I find your channel to be a momentary glimpse of peace in my very unhappy world.

[marymaza]

I loved this part: "I didn't want their lives. I wanted the happiness I believed they possessed." That's so true! We feel other people are happy by what they have around them and see them smiling... But we don't really know what goes on behind their closed doors.

[bndergltd]

“Comparison is the thief of joy” is a quote I use with my son when he gets upset when he compares himself to others. It’s so true.

[TheCottageFairy]

Coming from someone who dreamed and dreamed of living in a place in nature I loved, when I finally got the opportunity I remember thinking “I’ll just be happy now” - but, at least in my case, it just doesn’t seem to work that way. If you haven’t done the inner work, your old feelings creep up on you (and yes, this kickstarted A LOT of persona growth, as I was very disappointed in myself - it’s still hard to admit here). It shocked me when I found myself worrying over losing my home, and upset at changes happening in my valley that I didn’t want. I still struggled to manage my anxiety. Natural disasters happen out here often, my home could burn down, stressful things exist everywhere, difficult people, and fearing an unknown future in the arid parts of the west. I thought a new location would resolve my own anxieties in regards to life, and it just didn’t do that for me. If anything, it was a slap in the face, a loud message of “you need to learn to live with you, and enjoy that interior experience. No place will resolve that.’ While I understand our environment has a great impact on us, and that certainly we all romanticize other lives when we are in a tough spot, I do believe that interior journey can take us to a better place. It takes time, and it isn’t a magical cure. It helps us to appreciate our path, work towards finding a place that is safe and that provides our basic needs. And then cultivate that deeper self and purpose. I am still on that journey, and I have to admit that the best thing I ever did to be content with my life is to volunteer and reach out to other people. Help my community. It puts everything into perspective ❤️ and connects you to others and helps you see we are all in this together.

I’d love for this to be an open conversation, because I certainly don’t have all the answers - I still continue to learn more every day, and appreciate where I am in my journey. I continue learning how to best love others, be proud of their success as well as my own. Success is something we need to define for ourselves if we truly want to find that good place (at least, that is true for me).

In my limited experience on earth I have come to believe that sometimes we compare ourselves to others (and are far too critical of our failings) because we are yearning for an emotion that we need to cultivate within us. Maybe it’s confidence, self-love, or feeling proud of ones life no matter where you are on your journey. This isn’t the case with everyone who dwells on comparison or jealousy, but I think it is for some of us, at least. Constant comparison is a symptom of our emotional needs, and perhaps it’s worth changing the pattern of dialogue in our minds to begin to fill that void. We all have patterns of behavior, and even comparing ourselves to others too much can be a pattern that negatively affects us, blinds us to appreciating our own journey, and making us think that if things were only different, then we’d be happy (As if it is out of our reach, instead of something we can choose to begin cultivating).

[jillmcginnis]

I worked so hard to go up the corporate ladder I was one step away from the top. I found out I had stage 4 cancer. During the treatments I wondered every day why I didn't enjoy things more instead of the struggle to get to the top. I've made it longer than they predicted but one thing I've learned, enjoy everyday be kind to those around you and don't take one moment for granted. Thank you and our friends who follow you for all the life enriching conversations ❤ I love you all...

[sactownstringsalatestarter]

“Unhappiness is purely the result of comparison.” -Soren Kierkegaard

[aminajalabi]

As a mother of an autistic child, I learned the true meaning of love and happiness from her. She is just happy the way she is without comparing herself to anyone. I wanted her to be different in the beginning of our journey. I wanted her to be a(typical)person but it’s me who needed to change and not her ❤️

[GirlsintheHimalaya]

That is so true - I dont want the lives that others have, I just want the same happiness and feeling! I spent a long time struggle with my choice of life, since many of my friends from college went to big companies and seem to have a great life in the conventional viewpoint. But I just feel like I cannot be like them. My passion and joy are channelled elsewhere - in the nature, in the spirituality of ordinary and traditional living way. And that doesnt mean I will achieve less in my life, the outside doesnt count, the inside feeling of happiness counts. So I moved to the land of Tibet and live in a rural village, a very surprise choice to many of my friends. It ends up really well, I feel like when I finally follow my intuition, I can trully see and acknowledge my own value, I stopped comparing with others, and find real peace in my heart. That is such a great experience. Thank you so much for your sharing this week!🥰

[itsmejanny]

In Zen it is said, "The more you seek rest through doing, the more restless you become." You are fortunate to be learning such wisdom at such a young age.

[HomeHunter-in-Moscow]

I didn’t even know such life-style exists nowadays! It’s soooo peaceful, calm and reassuring! ✨

[Vipzy]

This hits so close to home, I was almost brought to tears. Thank you for talking about these topics, you are an inspiration!

[Zinbin]

I remember having the same realization in high school…. That I didn’t want to look like someone else, but I wanted the confidence and peace that I perceived in other people. I still need that reminder today.

[melanieapel]

This reminds me of something very wise I read the other day, in relation to wanting what someone else has. "The statement, 'I am not equipped to handle what they have, both good and bad', has been one of the greatest realizations God has given me. Every situation has both good and bad. When I want someone else's good, I must realize that I'm also asking for the bad that comes along with it. It's always a package deal. And usually if I'll just give something enough time to unfold, I can often be found thanking God that I didn't get someone else's package."

[_SomyaY]

I stopped being jealous of others, by recognising, that whatever they achieved, they worked for it. And obviously, with a stroke of luck, everything worked out.
Luck comes to those who prepare for it.
And just let it stay a while, every river has its own path, spem go through forests and some go by temples. But it works out, they all got brought their life. In a few years, you realise, what you actually wanted, was not what you were doing. And then you work from there.

[timlaporte]

Absolutely wonderful message and images, Paola. It's funny to say but in telling us about your pets shedding at a seasonal change made me think, we as humans should consider doing the same.
Rid ourselves of old habits that are not relevant to a happier existence. They may have served us at one time, but it may be time for a reexamination. Thank you for what you do.

[rebeccastone]

I know it’s EASY to say, “Don’t OVERTHINK things.” But, in reality, for a person (or child) who questions many things in or about life … is a sign of high intelligence and great AWARENESS. Thinking there was something wrong about you or your lifestyle is what brought you here today. There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong about you. There’s everything absolutely CORRECT about you. Distract yourself with all the beauty around you. Love … and be Loved

[elevationview]

I have been in tears this week, and my grief for my wife still overwhelms me even after 2 years. My solace is watching cottage fairy videos that lift my spirits. Thank you.

[paulinecallahan]

We always think the grass is greener on the other side. When I was younger I always thought if I could graduate from a certain career it would bring me happiness but 25 years later I have realized you have to be happy within yourself . You are enough just by being you. ❤ Thank you for the reminder.

[chebbiereadsandknits]

So true. Comparison takes away our joy. Reminds me of the quote, “Be the best you. Everyone else is taken.”