The Lasting Damage of Narcissistic Abuse

[The_HealingSpace]

When i finally got rid of all my narcissists i froze for 3 years. I completely froze. No decisions. Not much sleep. No dating- i don't understand how ppl can date immediately after but also good for them.

[dreamscape]

Both of my parents were narcissists, and this is completely True. For the first 50 yrs of my life, I lived the life they ingrained in me as the scapegoat/only child...people pleasing, among a very long list of other maladaptive behaviors. I'm just now, at age 52, am able to get their voices out of my head, and live my OWN life, with my OWN choices, but it took 10 yrs of therapy to get here. Once it's at the foundational level, it's cemented there, and very difficult to break. But it CAN be done. ❤🥂💃❤

[dreambeliever]

Decisions being a little bit misdirected? That’s an understatement. You totally lose your identity and you begin to find out who you are after a year being away from toxic person

[Drewharri.]

I've been dealing with these people all my life. At 56 years old I can honestly say that I've been down the rabbit hole and climbed back out and decided to just say fuck it. I don't want to understand these people and now I have learned how to spot the smallest sign of that behavior I won't think twice about showing them exactly where they can shove that shite . And yes I realized that I not only attracted them but am attracted to them being on my own is just heavenly. I love the person I have become despite my childhood sexual abuse and narcissistic parents I had. I am a very loving and caring and loyal person and I'm not going to be made to feel like I am worthless by worthless people.

[clairexxx]

Very very self destructive for about 18 months after I was numb confused and totally chaotic verging on pressing the self destruct button!

[allentempleton]

What it boils down to is that you become so beat down and brainwashed that your thinking is still influenced by your abuser. I notice it in my own behavior frequently. I may want to buy something and find myself looking at the lowest quality item because only my abuser deserved the best and I deserved the crap. Maybe I think of something I might like to do and then find myself thinking of how I could hide it from my abuser so it's not taken away. When I have a day off I don't know what to do because most thoughts bring feelings of guilt as if I don't deserve to have my own feelings. Yes I'm severely damaged.

[jamesconnell]

And once you’ve got out of a narcissistic relationship, you just move on, life is too short to waste time trying to understand them !

[locaitaliana]

You have to understand 2 things:
1. Where is the introject coming from? (Your family, your friends, work, your partner).
2. Why are you allowing their opinions to affect you? How come they can “Get Your Goat” per se…
Because you need to “Wake Up” and smell the coffee for what it is. Stop associating your self worth to toxic garbage. Stop trying to please everyone. Do you see them bending over backwards trying to please you? No! 👋🏽

[hazy]

I think you are correct.
My brain is still fried from many exposures to these people, including family members.

[valeriamarruenda]

Ohhhh 😮 this minute really speaks to me living my life after divorce. It is enlightening, painful but enlightening, thank you.

[elsh]

Yep!
15 months since any contact (the last was emails where I finally started seeing things for the abuse it was), & I'm starting to feel myself returning.

The relationship was only 10 months from the first contact (a dating site) to cutting all contact. I managed to fall so deeply that I now need to file for divorce 🤦‍♀️

[ARandomGuyyy]

I want to thank you Richard for the help you have been putting out there. I am so grateful that I finally figured out what was going on all those years feeling so confused and depressed. I broke free from the narc relationship I had with my mother a few months ago and I have found myself again or atleast pieces of it.
I go to therapy now after being and attempting suicide. This stuff is no joke guys its an absolutely terrifying hell to live in and I still feel that is an understatement of what I went through and go through. I am healing and for the first time in 30 years I feel like an adult, experience happiness, freedom and am on a beautiful but very different road to healing.
Good luck to everyone on their journey. This man knows very well what he is talking about!

[arlocharlieluna]

Yes!! This is so much my experience!!!! It has taken years to overcome this.

[JJ-pfok]

You're right. I expect certain reactions to my actions even though he's not here! I expect the anger and insults. It makes me push myself harder to avoid his criticism. My new partner is a normal person. My ex was the wirst, classic textbook narcissist

[Tam-nwii]

Sadly having a child with them keeps that voice in my head. Didn't see his son for months and all of a sudden he's the expert in parenting and telling what to do, what I'm doing wrong even telling me the things my son does such as talking, singing doesn't actually happen as he hasn't seen it. They are awful ppl. Glad I don't have to put up with it daily now.

[privateprivate]

Yes, navigating for safety’s sake. It also likely feels weird to others, because even if they’ve been told what’s been happening, they’re not under threat and don’t see a problem. I’d bet, even if they saw you being physically attacked, they would think it’s just a squabble. That’s why I don’t listen to those morons.

[EstherKlijn]

Yes its like your in hypnose and then wake up.

[ebrennie]

It may not be main stream theory, but I watch many channels about this topic and yours is one of the few that accurately describes the lived experience of it. It IS like a pocket sized version of them lives in your mind.

[Seven_]

I will find a way to get him out of my nightmares.

[sandyhenry]

I agree... They still are in your head sending doubt in what you are doing and then you start to wonder Have They Been Right about me?? It is hard to get through but not impossible ❤