How to Give Her Space Without Giving Up

This episode is titled how to give her space without giving up because so many of us struggle to know how to deal with those three little words...those 3 words that make your neck hairs stand up and your gut tighten into nauseous knots - "I need space!"

I've talked a lot in other episodes about this issue. Those videos talk about what to think about her request for space and how to know whether it's really a request for divorce.

This episode is about the PRESSURE she feels and the distinction between the BAD pressure you must stop and the GOOD pressure you must start.

Even if you wind up divorced, you must understand the difference and become a master of applying GOOD pressure - everywhere in your life.

Let me explain this in really simple terms.

BAD Pressure = Desperate, sad, nervous and needy pursuit of affirmation.

When it comes to a woman declaring her need for space...you can't analyze it or change it. When she says "I'm not feeling romantic love for you anymore"...you can't argue about it or negotiate it. So, don't even try. That's BAD pressure.

Even though she may not know exactly what the hell she means by this, it's her emotional truth. She didn't make a choice to feel like this...she just DOES. Don't ask her why. She doesn't know why. She won't know why tomorrow or, possibly, ever. Asking her who/what/where/why/when/how questions in order to collect data and solve the problem for her is BAD pressure.

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[coolman]

It's so scary because when you're insecure, It feels like you're going against everything your mind and heart is telling you to do.

[vamsikrishna]

Men, always have some goal towards which you work so that all this insecurity about your girl vanishes.If you make your girl your everything, it's gonna hurt when she is not around you .I say by your own nature be loving and share that with your girl instead of seeing her as a source of your happiness.Make her a part of your life but not your entire life.

[brandonmiles]

This is exactly what I said to her. "If you need space, that's entirely okay, we're human and we have confusing emotions, but you don't need to fear them, or fear expressing them to me, I'm here if you want to talk about it, but no pressure at all, just take the time you need to figure out what exactly you want and need."

[federicocastriota]

at 35, I was finally able to respond in a very calm way to my partner when it was clear that she needed space (to find herself).
She was incredibly surprised to come back and find me relaxed and centered. I told her the break made me sad, and I felt I WANTED to be with her instead of NEEDING her. After a week she kept feeling the pressure of the relationship on her- So I said we probably needed more time apart. Now, we are in no contact mode- and this is the biggest opportunity for me to feel and heal my attachment anxiety and issues that I avoided my whole life. I do believe more than ever, that letting people go is the only way to REALLY discover if they want to be with us. And for us, as well, is a pivotal moment to learn what we want to respond, IF they come back.

We are not passive in letting someone go. We are being centered and mature.

[TwoTallTowers]

Great advice, not gonna lie though the hardest part is thinking she’s doing something with someone else in that time of space when you’ve given your heart to her, but I guess trust is the most important factor and if they are a genuine person then they’ll stay true or let you know that this won’t work.

[Sgtgee]

New subscriber…immediately even though this video is 5 years old. I used to think in my relationships that I was well capable of applying the right or good pressure as you adequately well put to the horse analogy, but for most of us men if not all, we are logically fused to react in applying “bad pressure” when a women we love in our relationship decides and have been thinking for a while that she’s not feeling it, herself and maybe the relationship she’s in, and wants to take a break or have space to herself to figure things out that’s emotionally important in life. We are fused to react in an aggressive way that could make feel uncomfortable and potentially cause or force her out of our relationship completely. We are quick to assume the worst possible outcome or scenario when this happens and we’re forced emotionally to try to fix the situation. Our logic enables us to do the illusion of action- and act accordingly and immediately to solve the problem. And therefore understanding that women are emotional beings and from time to time look to seek emotional comfort and recovery on their own. You’re right, it’s not always about us, but there is also the possibility that there may be some things we’ve contributed that emotionally made her feel unsure and unsafe in the relationship. We just have to give her her space while we sort that out on our own and work on our personal growth and attachment issues that caused the space to begin with. We men can learn from the horse. Great video

[doctorbruno]

I relate to every word you said. Very deep and so true. I have been through this situation. Pushing and pulling like crazy instead of being secure. I was so afraid of losing her. I learned my lesson the hard way. But I grew up and wised up 👍🏾👏🏾

[nezmirage]

I've gotten to the point where the words "I need space" are like a blessing. Because then I get the space I need!

[cesgar]

Wow man. So many "coaches" out there. I needed this mature experienced advice. Thanks

[BrainCell]

How the hell does this not have over a million likes by now it's amazing straightforward advice compared to other youtubers

[jfpicard]

Best advice ever. I did follow your advice and my relationship is just getting better every day.

[peichuenchia]

I hope you know that this works for a woman as well when a man says he needs space! Great concept and delivered articulately. I almost feel zen like listening to your voice haha

[CATALYSTMACE]

This is so true, I am in the practice of this right now, it is incredibly helpful, this takes A LOT of practice, I just did this the day before this was publish, THANK YOU FOR THE VALIDATION!

[jeremyhiskey]

Really needed to hear that, going through the same thing now due to some issues I have caused over our 21 years

[joshhunt]

I’m 19 and this is the most valuable video I’ve come across thanks so much for sharing your wisdom, unfortunately I became the hummingbird and pushed away a girl I love but whatever happens I’m glad I know how to act in the future and be a better person for me and my partner

[digitalvizun]

I just recently found your channel. Wish I have found it sooner. Great advice without all the b.s. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and these videos. Your videos helps me recenter myself and remember my value.

[ericromero]

Thank s for the great talks...when I am feeling the anger and hurt from what is happening in my wife and my life...you give me the grounded calmness I need to hear...thanks brother

[sgt]

This is great for men. However, it must be acknowledged, women will benefit greatly from this too. Women are better off with men who want them - but don't need them.

[Nofrnzclub]

Thank you sir. I've been searching and studying frantically on so many videos. Yes they have helped, but I can sense the true wisdom you hold. My gratitude to you.

[bendude]

I’ve been going through this, I panicked and made the mistake of the questioning and bargaining etc now I’ve learnt that I just need to let go and see what happens. I think hopefully I managed to realise this before it got too bad.. guess I just gotta go do my own stuff for now.