Are You Gaslighting Yourself? 4 Important Signs to Watch Out For

Autistic individuals are regularly gaslit by others, but this is also something we can do to ourselves. This video explores 4 important signs to help you determine whether or not you've been gaslighting yourself.

The beginning of the video also highlights several reasons WHY we might experience more gaslighting than others.

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DISCLAIMER: Taylor Heaton is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Please note that Taylor can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, nor any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information available through her website, YouTube Channel, or social media accounts. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended by Taylor Heaton or Mom on the Spectrum. Please note that Taylor doesn't make any guarantees about the results of the information you may apply from her website, YouTube channel, and/or social media accounts. Taylor shares educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in navigating life as an autistic adult. You nevertheless need to know that your outcome will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond Taylor's knowledge and control. Taylor is an Amazon affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from affiliate links. Taylor is a Flare affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from Flare links.

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[JustJoshDavis]

“We will deplete ourselves to help others regulate their emotions.” This has been my exact experience for my entire adult life. Just recently diagnosed Audhd at age 47. Whew! Thank you for saying this. I feel less alone.

[lisabenden]

"you are not responsible for regulating other people's emotions!"
YESSS THANK YOU!

[nataliesirota]

I think that being gaslight by my family of origin taught me to gaslight myself! This is a huge reason that, finally after my recent diagnosis, I gave up on all the gaslighting! I no longer accept it from ANYONE, including myself!

[veronikaljungberg]

For a period I thought that I was autistic when in fact i’ve been abused and gaslighted for 30 years. This video was the catalyst for ending the abuse and I am forever greatful ❤ im safe now. Thank you! 🙏

[jayjovian]

You are not alone in that. We attract people with narcissistic traits, people who do not know how to regulate themselves and we adopt the role of the caregiver. They drain us emotionally and psychologically and then, they discard us and replace us. Yes, we are naïve because we think everyone always has the same good intentions we have, and we end up taken advantage of.

I love your channel because you describe the autistic experience so well. It gives me comfort and makes me feel understood and less lonely. Thank you.

[whitneymason]

I used to gaslight myself all the time prior to my diagnosis. Finding out I'm autistic helped me give myself permission to experience and feel things the way I do. Great topic! 💞

[sourgreendolly]

The amount of self-gaslighting that I got from therapy is mind numbing. I'm trying to balance giving a new therapist a chance with not giving too much of a chance rn but I can't trust my own judgment.

[lisa_wistfulone]

I’ve always assumed I was wrong, I always just Dealt with (and negated) my sensory issues, I’ve always figured I remembered it wrong, I’ve usually always assumed I’m the one misunderstanding things….🥺
Getting my AuADHD diagnosis and therapy was life-changing, I’m learning to validate myself, my needs, my views, and to believe in myself and set boundaries. It’s a lot to untangle, but it’s worth it!!

[Lukebussnick]

I didn’t realize at the time, but before I knew that I was autistic, I was gaslighting myself probably every single day. Now that I’ve been able to drop, at least most of the masks, more are still coming off every day, I have felt so much more empowered to just be the raw and pure me.

[heatnicoleher]

Dealt with gaslighting for far too long in a toxic relationship. At all costs, avoid people with NPD!!! Especially for empaths; we are beacons for them. Study the red flags, and take your time getting to know a person.
We are already at terrible odds without the additional trauma.

[ThornCoyle]

The term comes from the 1944 film “Gaslight” where the husband was trying to convince his wife that she was crazy. The gaslights would flicker when he was in the attic trying to manipulate her mind. It’s a terrific film.

[MB-pfgv]

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that I’m not totally responsible for others’ feelings. I’m a smart and kind person. I’m not an idiot so I know, usually, when I’ve made a mistake and I’m quick to resolve any issue. However, when it comes to me, no one gives me the benefit of the doubt. I’ve noticed that others approach me with distrust and paranoia. I tell them the truth and over and over again, they tell me I’m wrong.

I’m done trying to figure them out. In my experience, no one gives an actual F about why I feel what I feel but I care so much about everyone. I am the exemplar of fawning. But I’m done. I’m 44 and only now, I understand how much that’s contributed to my own self-imposed misery.

[emmymorris]

Wasn’t sure which part to comment on as I related to ALL of them. I did want to share a story about that last one. I used to think it was somehow my job to take on other people’s emotions, even if they had a bad day at work that had literally zero things to do with me. Once I’d made the realization that I was using all my emotional energy up on other people almost every day and had nothing left for myself and started making changes, it made a HUGE difference! A big indicator for me was when my dad came in from a bad day at work and I could see something had happened at work but he was grumpy and didn’t want to talk about. In the past I would have thought it was my “job” to help him with this. However, I stepped back, knew that wasn’t my issue and if he did want to talk to me later, I could decider how much energy I put into it. He went to listen to music for an hour while I continued to write on a story and then when we had dinner together, I was well regulated and he felt a bit better because of the music. Then as he ate and relaxed more and told me about what his manager had done, I was able to give him someone to talk to who did NOT try to take on his emotions from the rough work day or press for details he wasn’t ready to go into when he first got home. He got visibly more and more relaxed and was able to laugh and tell me jokes by the end of the meal. It was great and worked sooo much better than trying to ask too many questions as he came in or getting emotionally drained over his frustrations over the extra work they had to do because the manger had messed up etc. In the past, my mom and I would see he’d had a harder day and she’d keep asking about it, wanting to “fix” it for him and he’d get frustrated that she kept asking when he’d already said he didn’t want to talk about it yet because he was too tired. Everything just flower so much smoother when he listened to music first and I kept enjoying my writing so when he did want to talk about it, I could listen from a well regulated, non “fixing” things place. I passed that tip onto my mom and it works great for her, too, because she’s not wasting her emotional energy trying to “fix” his bad day and thinking she’s “helping”. Also, if either of them does have a bad day and want to talk about it, they ask if I’m up to listening and I give myself permission to be honest and say, “Actually, I’m pretty tired right now. So, I’m just too drained.” Then they can go do something or talk to each other and I can go rest. Then later that evening or sometimes the next day when I ask about it, the one with a bad day at work has already talked to the other, had sleep and is in a much better mood. So, I get the highlight reel of what happened at work. It sounds so simple when you say it aloud that we aren’t responsible for other people’s emotions, but it honestly did take to me until 28 to really understand this and make those positive changes in my life so I wouldn’t be a “free therapist” for people anymore. It truly changed my life for the better! ☀️☀️

[jorgegoyco]

Thanks for this. I'm still unlearning stuff after being in a toxic relationship for a really long time.

[DaveShap]

5:17 i hadn't thought of it about being super empathetic as one of the things that can attract disordered people... explains a lot...

[AlwaysLime]

Right, people tell me I’m over-reacting/over sensitive. I’m learning to just stay quiet as much as I can because how I express myself isn’t welcome.

[jesterr]

Naive is the proper word for it. I have struggled with that my entire life. For the most part, I am an open book. I share my life freely and openly, and honestly. As a result, I do not often comprehend the fact that I am different, and that other people are not like me. I take everyone at face value, and often fail to see what is lurking under the surface. I cannot see when someone is being dishonest with me, and that has allowed people to take advantage of me over and over again. Not knowing that I was Autistic, my friends would actually tease me about it. One of them would tell me a crazy story, and get me to believe it. They would often let it go for weeks before they let me in on the joke. At the end of the day, I only see what people show me, and that makes life much more complicated than it should be sometimes.

[TheNoxar]

I was diagnosed as AuDHD at age 40. For years I got these "see what you made me do?!" reactions from my spouse, which I found demeaning and hurtful - but rationalized as being my fault. What you talk about here about not being responsible for other people's reactions or emotions is so true and so important for some of us to hear. We have now decided to part ways and our relationship became instantly better when we agreed to focus on our kid's well-being rather than on 'fixing' each other.

[RivLoveshine]

My dad is a narcissist and autistic. I have to hide my truth, hide my feelings, because I'm worried I'll upset my parents by saying certain things, that my dad will get nad at me, that they won't love me as much. I walk on eggshells all the time and it's so draining. I bottle up my emotions and I feel like I'm about to break.

[siennaprice]

I definitely gaslight myself. It’s not because of doubt though. It’s because of self limiting and self restricting. I tell myself, it could’ve been worse. It’s not that bad. You’re not allowed to feel that way. You shouldn’t feel that way. Not only am I autistic, but I am totally blind, and have complex PTSD.