These Triggers Are Connected With Neglect in Childhood

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Trauma in childhood is caused by more than "abuse." Being neglected -- by parents or by your peers and community - can be just as damaging to well-being. In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos about neglect and the types of triggers that often result, potentially causing you to feel separate, anxious and isolated throughout your life. Healing is possible! In this video I teach you how to recognize triggers and begin healing them.

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I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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[isabelalder]

Thank you so much for saring your experiences & great suggestions! I can identify with so much of what you've shared here & it is incredibly comforting to know I'm not alone w/ various challenging triggers! God bless you & keep doing what you're doing (lifesaving work!)! 💞❤

[madeleineurquhart]

We were 5 kids, 2 abusive parents. There was a code of silence in our family. I was 11yrs old & called for help when our alcoholic father was fighting in the basement with another drunk. Mother was away at a weekend sport event with my 15yr and 13yr old brothers. Before she left, she asked me to care for my little sisters (9 yrs. & 8 yrs. at that time). The call was made at 3 am...3 little girls...terrified...drunks screaming, broken furniture...Police came. Mom had to come home early, she was furious. Sat my siblings down and said "Dad is in jail now because I called for help". I broke that code of silence. CPS also got involved, which really infuriates everyone. Parents have passed away, siblings still blame me, and we are now beyond our 60's. They have excluded me from their family gatherings, treated as dead to them. Scapegoated. Finally, I have removed myself emotionally and phisically from this toxic family . Through counseling I understand and learned that I am the strongest person in the entire dysfunctional family group.

[cathylandis]

This is so me. I feel so uncomfortable around people. I'm always wonder what they think of me. I wonder why I'm so strange and people don't want to stay with me.

[amelialee]

Most people see kindness as weakness and do all they can to “exploit” it!

[chelseamiracle]

I remember vividly in 7th grade - my family was not good at making sure I did anything - my homework, making sure I went to bed, bathed, etc. My English teacher hated me. She hated that I did not complete my assignments. We were about to go on a field trip and my parents never wanted to pay for them. So I was set up to complete a fundraiser. Well, I was shy. I didn’t do very well achieving my goal. The day it was due I turned into her what I had. She blew her top. “UGH - NOW I HAVE TO CALL YOUR PARENTS!” I remember being so embarrassed and humiliated that right in the middle of the classroom I decided I had to get away and to run out in front of everyone. I ran to the girl’s bathroom at the other end of the hall and hid in a stall. She sent another student to demand I return. I did not. It is one of the most vivid memories I have of school.

Or when I was struggling due to my parents constantly fighting at home - I was punished for my academic challenges. Made to eat lunch alone. Walked the hallways in a line where other people knew I was a bad student and I was to eat my lunch in silence. I was depressed from 4th grade through my senior year. Nobody ever asked me if I was alright and my parents never changed their ways. I never went to therapy until my late twenties. I had a deeply embedded wound of being rejected. I was rejected nearly everywhere I turned and was starving for acceptance. It created a wound so deep it affected my self esteem into adulthood. I was bullied so many times I had lost count. Now I have this little voice that says “they don’t even care if you’re around” and abusive men detected if I was infatuated “she’ll do anything to make me like her.” I mistook that pang of rejection as chemistry at times. I was hooked the most on rejecting men. What it was - was anxiety. That I would be left in the dust. Alone in the bathroom stall. Alone when the neighbor kids are playing. Alone when kids delivered me cruel notes. Alone when my sister vehemently refused to be nice to me. I would “crap fit” all the time. To avoid their abandoning of me. Learning that I deserved better and that I needed to stand up for myself was foreign almost. I never felt good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. Developing the real me free from the abandonment melange has been challenging but worthwhile.

I developed self esteem, a voice, an opinion, and I began being the one rejecting the rejecting men and the rejecting people. A lot of the people who had issues with me, didn’t like that I was kind, quiet, etc. Saw my introverted personality as being weak. I am not weak, and I don’t need everyone to like my anymore. The truth is they won’t all like me, and that’s ok because now - I can say hmm do I even like them? Do I even like this crappy dude? Do I even think these people criticizing me have any merit?

[Blech-hz]

Oh, sweetie, I used to get passed over at milk and cookie time in preschool. Like I was invisible. I hope we can be healed.

[jessiehaislet]

I feel this loneliness all the time. I’m getting used to it and I find other ways to be happy like sewing and other arts. If I stay creative I can fend off self pity and self loathing for a long time. I’m 64 and am finding I like being older. The Word of God and prayer will get us through anything.

[andreaf]

My husband likes to walk out of the room when I'm talking to him - Definitely triggers my childhood trauma

[Artsylady]

my parents NEVER picked me up from school....EVER...I was always alone....no one ever knew where I was or one ever went to the teachers meetings etc....I was totally on my own from DAY

[KAT]

Wow, exactly Anna, the chronic sleep issues since childhood and never being able to sleep through the night and always being tired due to the external chaos, rage, neglect anad abandonment hit the CPTSD nail on the head...and loathing all the disappointing 'hellidaze'... ALWAYS taking leftovers and the hotel tolietries and having a giant handbag packed with everything I might ever need at any time, along with being left alone as a little kid in the car for hours in the cold while the so-called adults were doing whatever they were doing..
always keeping ultra busy and needed to check chores off a daily list nonstop and keeping a 'food stash' just in case. It all really resonates, thank you for sharing, I have had more success with not 'crap fitting' with people and friends any longer but still having such a difficult time stopping it with jobs as the need for security and stability at all costs is so ingrained...and never ask anyone for help, ever. Thank you so much for what you do.

[paracoco]

41:05 I have been called selfish, stuck up, stubborn and more, because I wouldn't accept last minute plans. I need time to mentally "prepare" before I meet people (even friends and family), so spontaneous plans make me anxious and I instinctively say no. My parents used to make last minute plans all the time when I was living with them; it really triggers me.

[DMAC]

Oh my goodness, I went through this this summer. I usually protect myself from allowing this. I had against my better judgment made friends with a table full of women. O e ended up in the hospital and everyone went and was included but me. When I realized this I tried to tell them how I felt but they did not understand and acted as if I was out of line. I ended that right quick. I was unexpectedly so hurt and angry. It caught me off guard and I behaved badly and now I just don’t do that anymore. It’s better to trudge along as I DO THEN GO THROUGH THAT EVER AGAIN. I was so confident that I was a part of this little group but I was wrong as usual. I’m good by myself. I could not believe that no one thought to include me. Then the reality that no one had thought to include me hit and I was done. I’m cordial polite and surfacy. I’m good at that. This is my life. Better alone that way I can’t be hurt or disappointed.

[vikingprincess]

My parents were always loners. They simply didn’t socialize and we seldom if ever had guests. We all just grew up having solitude as our normal. Growing up, I instinctively did everything alone and saw nothing unusual about it. I ate alone in the cafeteria, I went to the community swimming pool or to the playground alone. Although there were groups of neighborhood kids around me everywhere, I had no interest in joining in. I kept to myself, not noticing anything unusual about it until much later. I have never been interested in social situations, but as a young adult I felt obligated to reluctantly participate, just because “you’re supposed to”. Years later, I finally got sick of going through the motions and I stopped participating altogether. I’m much happier now being at home with my husband and my pets. I’ve found my happiness in solitude. Some may think it’s lonely or weird, but to me it’s the perfect fit. Trying to be like everyone else didn’t work for me because I’ll never be like everyone else, and that’s okay. 😊

[gracecase]

My abandonment wound went way back to basic needs as a baby. My twin brother and I were not planned or expected as two. My Mom worked full-time with a 5 and 3 year old and my drunk of a dad. My twin brother was sickly and had bad colic. So in my Mom's own words she was the only one who could feed him a bottle. I had to wait to eat and get my needs met. It continued through our lives. Twin got all the attention from Mom. Dad was not the type to jump in and compensate. Thank god our neighbor would help my Mom feed me. I bonded with her, and she was my Dad's cousin too. One of my first memories was being in a crib with my twin and she always grabbed him first. He made more noise. I am 52 and she still defends him and justifies why he gets more attention. I do my thing now and minimize my contact with family to keep my peace. I hate when people exclude me from events. Big trigger for me.

[chelseamiracle]

I find that I get along the best with people who have trauma. I feel seen by them and I let them feel seen.

[denellelloyd]

Im 52. The best way to avoid feeling anything IS TO STAY AWAY FROM people! And tbe older i get the less i interact with anyone

[sandrasabatini]

To be included while completely mocked as a clown I rather not even be included

[shay]

I’m glad you explained starting to feel out of your body because it scares me thinking I may be dissociating.

[instepcco]

I was abandoned, not actually but mentally. I was beaten by my parents and used as their personal psychologist (at 7yo) or positioned as their scapegoat. At least 2 times parents left and I was left at my house as an oversight. Young sister was sent to babysitter and I was out of their mind. They all left and I hid under the bed for an hour or two before they realized they had left me alone. Then at the end of the night, it was a joke. If I took it badly, it was because I was crazy and needed psychiatric help. Cptsd is awful and I’m not fully recovered from it.

[elizabethalexander]

This is my whole life. Grateful for sobriety- 631 days in a row. I am single not a relationship hater anymore. I just can't see me in a intimate relationship. I am weary of fixing a mate. I want to do what I want.