These Triggers Are “The Tell” That You were Neglected and Ostracized As a Child

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Abandonment triggers can get activated when you feel rejected, overlooked, left behind and ostracized: If you grew up physically or emotionally neglected, abandonment wounds may damage relationships and professional opportunities. How can you tell if YOUR abandonment wounds are active? In this video I teach about the triggers that are common for people who carry wounds of abandonment and ostracization.

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[Helen-nvel]

As a child of an alcoholic mother who went away to a detox facility when I was 2 after injuring me so badly I was hospitaised, I never once raised my hand in class even though I often knew the answer. I'm 81 and still feel and act invisible while crying inside.
Thank you Anna for helping me understand.❤

[johngallagher]

Anyone else get triggered from crowds, excessive noise or an overstimulating environment.

[KittyKeypurr]

This one hits home. If I even get the slightest feeling that I'm not welcome, I bolt. I am a ghost. My childhood is EXACTLY why.

[mydearfrankly]

I came here for myself, but now I've read these comments, I just want to give you all a hug. So much pain. Children survive their parents. Some of us just do so heroically.

[SailingNovaturient]

“Anything that feels terrible for you that you have to pretend is not terrible, is putting you in danger of dissociating.” Wow. Wish I would have seen this sooner.

[KumaKhameleon]

When I was in college, a class I had met 5 days per week and then we had a lecture twice per week with several other class sections. I noticed everyone from my section sat together, but no one had asked me to sit with them so I sat in the back of the lecture hall alone. I didn't look at or talk to anyone and I dreaded going to class because I thought no one wanted me around. After a couple of months a classmate asked me why I sit by myself in lecture. I told him it was because I wasn't invited to sit with everyone, and he said that nobody was invited, they just all naturally sat together. So then I sat with the rest of the group, we had a good laugh, apparently they all thought I was stuck up and thought I was too good to sit with them. Oops 😅I try not to ostracize myself anymore.

[mcr]

One of my triggers is to hear others speak amazingly about their mother, see how much they care for her, how they say they absolutely love their mother, and how they can hug her and be so excited about spending time with her and have fun. It makes me extremely frustrated not to understand where these people come from. My mother is a narcissist and treated me really badly as a child.

[TenTenJ]

Being left out was, and still is in a way, a major trigger for me. I was severely ostracized as a child in school and around peers.

[loriboufford]

I HATED being left out. My 2 sisters, friend groups, ladies group, anything, everywhere.
I made a change. I ALWAYS invited every child and siblings to any party we had for my two sons. NO ONE WAS LEFT BEHIND.
and they were included in the activity. Love and respect for all children. Not just the pretty or smart ones.

[TheAncientColossus]

Beautiful quote I read that captures the essence of this topic:
"I believe there's no such thing as overreacting; it's just that what someone is reacting to may no longer be what's in front of them." -Terry Real

I am a small little man with a Napoleon complex on the journey of healing. No one will probably read this but I want to say thank you.

[suzp]

Triggers from the video:
Someone walks out of the room while you're talking to them
Silent treatment
Waiting for someone
Feeling jealous and getting gaslit about it (feeling terrible and not being able to acknowledge that)
Empty time
Closeness with loved ones
Watching other people enjoy social ease
Seeing other people happy
Being in groups
Feeling overlooked
Feeling judged
Crapfitting (hanging out with people you don't like to avoid being alone)
Feeling Condescended to

Lots of good information. Thanks!

[lilcherryblossom]

Seeing other people happy is a huge one for me. I don’t even get excited over engagement announcements, weddings, baby announcements…I’m just indifferent or downtrodden, like how come they got it right but I can’t? It’s incredibly frustrating.

[kae]

It's completely impossible for me to be in a group of 3 or more people without feeling intensely left out, disliked, ignored, not valuable etc. Realizing the reason for this helps to handle the feeling and not lash out. I used to get very upset, hurt, mad at my best friend when we were in groups and I felt ignored. I don't have many friends bc I feel like I can only be around one friend at a time

[joannamikkelsen]

I will never forget the joy on my father's face when he saw how hurt I was when he excluded me. Being ostracized and excluded was an enormously traumatic part of my life.

[CBeyondlimits]

I think it’s important to acknowledge that it isn’t always obvious neglect/abuse but also those who lack emotional intelligence or bandwidth to nurture someone else. ❤

[sumofo]

So accurate. I was additionally bullied in grade school that reinforced all of these triggers as well. Reflecting, I wonder if my emotionally neglectful childhood set me up in a way to be bullied? Did anyone else additionally experience bullying as a child?

[noahhh]

"it's like you're not even yourself." yeah, that nails it. it's such a shame how trauma keeps so many of us from knowing truer versions of ourselves.

[cathywithac]

I'm crying and I don't know why. I clicked on this video by accident and now I am crying. There was a stressful time in my family (illness) when I was 6 years old. I found that I was constantly complimented for being ' the perfect child', self-sufficient, independent, honour student, no tears, no drama, causing no issues. Keeping my thoughts and emotions apart from my family brought me praise .. always. Keeping myself apart was also how I hid that I was not 'Perfect'. How I kept up the allusion. I learned to keep myself apart from everything and everybody. Being alone makes me feel safe. It is the place where I can be me. Being in a crowd or a group makes me feel alone and stressed. Keeping up the perfect façade is exhausting and, at 65, I am alone. Subscribing to your channel to understand more about me.

[jeromeburdine]

My gf is super sensitive to people getting treated better than she does. She was singled out as a kid and treated like she was a huge problem. She gets really defensive when she feels slighted by anybody.

[mybraineatseverything]

My Dad passed away April 22nd, and I was amazed at how much childhood crap came back to bite me! At 60 years old, you'd think I'd be over it by now...guess not!
Then this morning, this video pops up. Two days after the internment ceremony where I completely lost my composure and sobbed uncontrollably, and it seemed like I couldn't get anywhere near my mom because there were always people around her. I have four much-younger siblings and my mom has lots of friends and I felt like everyone was coming between me and her. I was so triggered and upset, I skipped the family luncheon after the ceremony and raged and sobbed all the way home (over an hour drive).
Because of the age difference and the fact I have a different birth father who died when I was 4, I have always felt like the odd man out in my family.
I really needed to hear this today.♥️