FBI’s Top Hostage Negotiator: The Art Of Negotiating To Get Whatever You Want: Chris Voss | E147

This episode is part of our USA series, over the coming weeks you will get to see some incredible conversations with guests the likes of which we’ve never seen before. Bringing more value, more incredible stories, and more world-beating expertise.

Chris Voss is the former lead negotiator for the FBI, and the author of Never Split the Difference, a book about how to negotiate and how to get what you want from other people which has sold millions of copies worldwide. He has handled practically every high stakes crisis management scenario imaginable.

0:00 Intro
01:27 Early years
03:03 Beginning of your career
09:13 The nature of human behaviour in business negotiations
14:28 The first hostage negotiation job
26:52 Hostage negotiation role play
35:11 How important is listening?
37:46 Different tone of voices for negotiations
41:50 “labelling their pain”
44:46 The power of “thats right”
46:53 Negotiations in romantic relationships
49:55 Was there an instants where it didn’t go right for you?
56:22 Mirroring technique
58:34 Black-swan group
59:03 The last guests question

Chris:

Chris’ book:

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[TheDiaryOfACEO]

Fascinating episode this week! Hit like, subscribe and turn on notifications, we bring subscribers in to watch these episodes live and I’m going to be picking 2 of you from the comments 👀 Next episode I'll be picking another 2 so get your notifications on!

[michaelfoglia]

Another episode worth multiple listens to pull out the nuggets. For me:
- Work hard, be honest & figure it out
- Never ask advice from someone you wouldn’t trade places with
- Never take direction from someone who hasn’t been where you are going
- Run to trouble
- Try to get people to ponder so they come to the decision/answer
- In negotiating listening is CRITICAL - seems obvious yet....
- Post Traumatic Stress Growth (vs Disorder) - How do you grow from traumatic experiences?
and now I'm off to learn/volunteer for the suicide hotline.

[gayatoro]

THIS was, is GOLD! Thank you to every, single, person, who in any little or big way contributed to making this episode happen!♥️

[SimpleSustainableLife]

This one went by so quickly! Hostage negotiators are so fascinating. I've worked in Hospitality for over 15 years, and as melodramatic as it sounds, we consciously and subconsciously use a lot of these techniques frequently with customers. Mirroring is insanely effective, but for me, it's having an awareness of the guest and noticing if they are mirroring me or not (i.e. if they feel comfortable or not in the environment) as a way of being able to anticipate and prevent potential issues. Similarly in a high-pressure complaint situation (as a female in my 20's drunk guests would test me more times than I care to remember) coaxing a statement of agreement from them would always mark the beginning of the end of the issue.

Absolutely glued to these podcasts, thank you so much for putting these excellent conversations out into the World!

[dswain]

Never Split The Difference is an epic book, great choice of guest Steven. Not the usual energy but still packed with knowledge.

[Asdfghjkl-wj]

• dangers of comfortable inaction.
• never take advice from somebody you wouldn't trade places with.
• drama triangle
i. the victim ii. protector iii. persecutor
• let people discover the best answer rather than you offering it.
• get people to think
• most dominant thought is loss, vision of loss determine behaviour.
• look for the loss.
• use empathy as a approach
• run to trouble- you won't be criticized that much
• don't give your name it unsettles people
• don't lie in a negotiation
• shift the blame control to others
• Types of voices
i. assertive voice - direct is counterproductive in long term.
ii. analytical voice - calming and confidence
iii. smiling voice - soothing voice for collaboration
• labelling pain - that's right is in good direction.
• black swan method
• oxytocin tend people to say the truth.
• romance - understand and adjust
• mirroring = last 2 to 3 words
mirroring is IQ and EQ up.

[JenniferSmilesNow]

Have used his techniques and was able to save a negotiation that enabled two life purposes to be realized/ which is in turn helping thousands of people! Great job! ❤

[ChristinaAaliyah]

Steven is literally getting all the best-selling authors and top top guests for his USA show. I bet he'll have James Clear and Ryan Holiday on next 😭🔥

[vivi]

Chris is amazing-Wise and I admire him so. Thank you -- for having him on your outstanding podcast.

[plaisirdelanglais]

I wish this could have gone for longer than an hour! It was fascinating to listen to him. That dummy conversation was great! I remember doing a lot of these in my drama classes and it was always very exciting to think on the spot. Being ready with an argument has been helpful in so many ways as an adult.

[jaseperi]

Recently watched Chris on masterclass. His tips and strategies are soooo useful for business and personal relationships. Well recommended

[halhansen]

From NYC. Loved it. Practical advice. Please touch on this more with your guests, not just on their feelings and struggles - but also some tools and nuts and bolts that we can use to move forward or close deals or whatever

[ChristopherCDaniels]

Chris Voss is one of my favorites. I've taken both of his MasterClasses and find his message to be particularly salient.

[KingaGorski]

Highly recommend Chris’s book Never Split the Difference. In my top 10. 📚

[LiamLewyShepherd]

Watched Chris' class on Masterclass. It's worth the free trial just for that! Provides teachings that are practical in business, with your daughter, customer service, and difficult unplanned scenarios which could become dangerous.

[swissyogaschool]

A real gem of a conversation! Wish it was longer. Thank you 😊

[kerriparr]

Really loved this one. Could listen to Chris all da. He's just so relaxing to watch and listen to. The role play had me in stitches. Thankyou again for another amazing podcast.

[angelanorton]

I think this is one of your best interviews, up there with Jacqueline Gold and Jordan Peterson. I literally just bought his book because of this talk... Can't wait to read it now!

[steelsteez]

29:20 😂😂Steven, you crack me up. Love how you kept pushing it though and that you didn't make it easy for him. Mad respect!

[bulletproofmofo]

The fact that a hostage negotiator has such good relationship advice is pretty telling about the nature of relationships these days.