Psychiatrist on solving 'I lack human connection'

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#loneliness #Isolation #mentalhealth

[JohnSmith-xcqj]

I've dropped my mask of happiness to 3 people at work.

The first didn't care. That person is also unhappy, but content to hide away from the world.
The second was in no position to do anything. That person is also unhappy but wearing a mask to cope.
The third invited me on a trip, which I accepted, and when it was over, thanked me for spending the time.

I wish everyone was like that third person, and I'm trying really hard to be that person myself.

Also, my loneliness is entirely intimate in nature. I have friends. I have a few family members I can do things with.

Friends and family can't give me the intimate emotional companionship that I need though. They have their own lives to live. Their own families to take care of. I want someone to be THERE for me, not just to talk to sometimes and go out to lunch with. I want to share a life with someone. That's way harder than making friends, and when you end up going home alone night after night, year after year... it really starts to make you feel unwanted and unlovable, no matter how many friends you have or how many people you talk to online.

[fabled.]

- "I feel lonely"
- "Sir, this is a Wendy's"

Twitch chat never disappoints.

[denzelboks]

dr k really hitting all the nails on the head with these videos

[xiiaohao]

"I don't need friends, they disappoint me." *turns right*

[Hemlocker]

To be clear, you can't build a bridge from your island to someone else's on your own. It's a cooperative act. You can build the bridge halfway, then it's up to the other person if they want to build their half. So if you try to build a bridge to someone else's island and it doesn't work, don't assume it's because you did something wrong.

[mifunesaurus]

I wish I could be in creative mode, but social anxiety keeps me in constant survival mode

[jflowization]

for me personally, i’m feel most comfortable when i’m alone, i can’t handle being around people/groups most times, even being around my friends makes me feel weird, just overall frightened by them.

I want to be social, but i can’t push myself to do so, it feels painful for me.

[immagoingbacktobed]

My biggest obstacle in overcoming loneliness is my amygdala. Whenever I enter public I don a stoic mask while in the background my amygdala is on full alert for confrontation that never actually happens. It is like being in a jungle and always expecting something to pounce on you.

[trevorfranks]

It's been almost 2 years of online class, I haven't meet any of my peers physically and I just can't get close with them if I keep relying on socials apps and discord...

[batman]

I feel like I experience loneliness because of my circumstances. Yes, I suffer from social anxiety, but I don’t think that’s my main problem. I’ve been living in social isolation for eight years, more or less. I just don’t have very many opportunities to make friends. I did have some friends in high school, but after graduation, they started to avoid me. For various reasons, I didn’t make any friends before I dropped out of college. I’m not traditionally employed, so I can’t make friends at work. Of course, it’s better to have no friends than friends you can’t relate to. Ideally, I would like to have friends who share my passion for art and literature, but when you live in a rural area like I do, finding such people can be very difficult. I just think I’m lonely because of my circumstances.

[XxPiercedDragonxX]

I'm so socially inept that not even my mask works

[bronzeowl]

How do you do this without making other people feel bad?

Idk how to have these conversations with people without inconveniencing them. When someone asks how I'm doing, I always say I'm good even if I'm not, so everyone is used to me not complaining. If someone says "how're you", and I say "not great", and they say "oh, what's wrong?" and I explain what's wrong.... then I've put the other person in a weird situation. They were probably expecting me to be good, and now that I say I'm not, they're now in a position where they feel like they have to listen to my problems.

[Ninjamaa]

My difference is that i don't pretend, so I actually am alone

[lordvraska]

What should you do if everyone leaves when you drop the mask? I'm 19, halfway to being 20, and I essentially don't have anyone anymore. I'm under the impression that once we all got out of highschool and life got started, I became too much to deal with, so everyone abandoned me, even the people I viewed as my best friends. I've tried keeping in contact and making plans, but they never reach out, and the plans never come to fruition. The loneliness is crippling, and I'm scared that it'll overtake me soon and I'll do something I regret

[Toolo]

I feel the same way, but when I have been looking a relationship with a woman I always build my courage up to be myself. The dates never end up good, I am akward or we don't have anything in common to talk about. I never have been on a second date and on a long relationship on that matter. I crave the warmth of cuddling so bad I get tears just by thinking about it. That's how distant I am on that matter.

[wanderingrandomer]

It took me the longest time to even talk to my own mother about the extent of my social anxiety. It does feel better to vent sometimes, and you'll find out who really cares about you.

[availabilityavailabl]

Great video! Just penning down some of my thoughts on this:
- Dropping the mask and being vulnerable does not mean baring all the details of your vulnerabilities and insecurities to another party immediately. The relationship and how much you share is built over time, e.g. when you first meet a work acquaintance -> bond and share over more superficial shared experiences like work related topics -> share on personal hobbies/what you do in free time -> on common past experiences -> on new experiences created together -> on (this part is what I have to work on)
- Bonding by over and constant sharing of deeper issues like depression/loneliness etc have to be done very carefully, it can't be the main focus of your interactions with your friends else it just becomes very emotionally draining every time (for both parties constantly empathizing with one another).
- Ultimately, the putting on a mask is just a symptom - a lot has to come from within rather than without. Envision what could make you truly happy and ecstatic about life, what would that be? If it is making many good friends, then what is stopping you from doing so? Why do you have to put on a mask? Is there something you are afraid of sharing and of letting others know? If so, why? Is there anything you can do to work on this? If so, start working on it! If there are any fears or hesitation that is stopping you, know that you can overcome it no matter how large it is in your mind's eye. Chip at it slowly and consistently. As you progress and start achieving these goals, your self-esteem rockets and eventually you will be so free and unencumbered by all these puny little negativities that's when true excitement in life comes, that's when you start living your life to the fullest (:

[HonorarySaiyan]

I've been lonely for so long that I can't be with people anymore. I suffer physically and psychologically when I have to spend time with people that I'm not close to.

[kathleenjohnston]

Sometimes solitude can be addicting. Is that a problem?

[GuineaPigEveryday]

I have the same problem, felt isolated in my last 5 years of Middle School to High school and had held out hope for uni. I signed up to live in a dorm house with a total of 10 people to try and make sure that I interacted because ik ill isolate myself living by myself (especially cuz of covid). Now its been a year and although I thought maybe there could be some progress in the first semester, the one person i talked to a bit i dont talk to at all anymore and the one person who seemed chill has left. Now I'm just alienated from the house and they do sometimes these things together improptu without me, I try to show up always for house-planned dinners but never get a word out. It feels impossible sometimes, but you have to hold out hope and try to focus on yourself. Problem is if the world around you and the ppl around you make you feel worthless, even indirectly by being isolated and ignored, then it becomes difficult to have self-worth. Problem is if you don't make headway at the start with connections, eventually it feels impossible and any attempt at vulnerability or opening up is often met with ignoring, undermining, or neglect, at least the times I've tried it. Because no one is going to care what you say if ur a stranger to them. Maybe it has to do with being an HSP but that I think way too much and overthink about interactions and ppl and social life.