I wanted to talk with you but I have social anxiety.

Filmed in Budapest in March 2022, a meditation on loneliness and the invisible enemies within us.

Inspiration by the lovely and talented Meggie Royer

Second channel

🔰Communities

🔰References
-The narrator is sheeta

The music was created by Wouter

🔰My equipment:
I film handheld with a Panasonic Lumix
G80
GX80
📷Olympus M.Zuiko Digital 45mm F1.8 Lens

🔰I wanted to talk with you but I have social anxiety. by illneas

At least I'm still breathing

It's ok
you can remain perfect
in the fog of uncertainty

my anxiety won't allow me to meet you

Please ignore the glimpses of perfect laughter
through the cracks of this unlived reality

In the meantime

I will daydream
about vacations, we will never go on

I will imagine
conversations we will never have

I will fantasize
about the day you will save me

and maybe about the day that you will convince me that I saved myself

It's actually funny
because if I talked to you
we could finish this poem together

For now, I'm watching these alternative realities diverging violently

I remain oblivious to your imperfections
I remain trapped in my own life
I remain a stranger

And you unwillingly created
another reason to hate myself

but at least
I'm still breathing

[konstantinoskan]

I love it when in your poems you address someone, for example in this one when you say “if I could talk to you we could finish this poem together”, or in your video for those who can’t find true love when you say “let’s pretend I put your name here”

[SoulSnatcherSeven]

“But at least, I’m still breathing” i loved the mellowness of this poem, its calming while daunting.

[alifewithpoetry]

You literally wrote my feelings in this poem…. “I will fantasize about the day you will save me — and maybe about the day that you will convince me, that I saved myself” — … .”at least I’m still breathing” — beautiful and heartfelt work, my friend. Sending love ❤️

[sashadideeda]

“I’ll daydream of vacations we will never go on… I’ll imagine conversations we will never have”…it all seemed so real at the time… and now there’s just nothing but good memories and locked doors🙂… another one beautifully done Illneas.. good job👍❤️

[neelam]

I really can relate to this spiritually. I've handful of people I really wanted to talk on the internet and irl. But I can't seems to have the courage to talk. They're nice but my overthinking mind don't help me at all. I just daydream about everything I wanna do. But in the end couldn't do it.

[avp_]

This reminds me of my first day of school. I was fourteen. In fact, I still am and this happened only a few weeks ago. As I said, it was the first day of school. I sat next to a really cool and pretty girl. She reminded me of myself a bit. But I couldn't talk to her. Idk but it is just harder to talk to people you actually want to talk to, than the others. She didn't talk to me either. Idk if she actually wanted to or not, but now She has other friends. The "cool girls" i'd even say. It was painful to watch how she went to them, how they laughed and talked. I felt like an old friend of mine left me, even tho we were never friends.

[Dann_studytube]

I have social anxiety and thats literally how it is

[shee.taa.]

it's a beautiful lullaby, hiding behind the sceneries you captured on this blue dot.
stay determined and calm.

[vbcumew]

As someone with social anxiety, this helps me❤❤❤thank you illy for making us feel less alone :) love this

[noctifer.]

Social anxiety is so quiet, that even someone who seems so outgoing can hide it in silence

[immortalsugimandudeguy]

“ I remain oblivious to your imperfections, I remain trapped in my own life, I remaking a stranger, and you unwillingly created another reason for me to hate myself “. Such a beautiful piece. They exist as perfection in our heads, our idea of who we want or need them to be. A trigger to release us from the reality in which we hate, and writhe. This inability to reach out, and burden them with our existence, causes such pain, and inner anger. This being that has no idea of the deepness with which I’ve grown interested in them, will never know how important they are to a stranger. And I will hate myself, and mourn a love that never was, and a connection that never will be. A silent death within our world of a nothing that existed as everything to us, a death that we must carry solely ourselves

[primotef]

I know someone like this. Over a year ago, I shared a singular, beautiful few hours with him that I will cherish forever. But I caught feelings for him, our dynamic changed and things havent been the same since. I've changed my approach and we've been more friendly, but he is still so withdrawn. Every time I ask "How are you?" he answers with a guarded "Im still alive".

I wish to share that beautiful time with him again.

[konstantinoskan]

Your videos have encouraged me to be more confident about writing and share my poems with my friends. Thanks, ❤️

[Smirksol]

I honestly relate to this in a whole other level. I just recently started college..and there’s this girl who sits next me..I genuinely want a friend but I’m scared to death…maybes she’ll think I’m trying to flirt…or just be mean. Idk but u just want to talk to someone.

[theonlymateus]

I'm so glad I found your channel.
I found it with "do not stand at my grave and weep" and I must say I love all of your videos

[ki]

This hit really deep for me, i'm so scared of taking the first steps to making friends and being social, this was actually a really bad day for me because i was sad i wasn't able to talk to the people i want to talk to and convinced myself i'll never have friends. I still feel a little bit hopeless, but this video is a wake up call. I'll try again tomorrow. Thank you.

[arminakhtar]

Okay now this is what perfection looks like !!! And it's so relieving to know that I'm not the only one here who couldn't talk to my crush because of my social anxiety and that one beautifully sad line " you unwillingly created another reason to hate myself" hits me so hard 🙂🖤

[rowanwindsong]

I love all of your poems, but to anyone reading this, I want to say this: I went through a period of having very severe anxiety so bad that I could not even leave the house and I certainly couldn't work or even talk to anybody. But I figured out how to treat it and I did neuro feedback and I did a daily meditation and supplements and I ate extremely healthy, and I eliminated stressful people from my life, and I found programs on YouTube and I no longer have it anymore. It took a year and a half to heal. Don't make anxiety part of who you are because it doesn't have to be. It isnt YOU. It's simply a neurochemical dysfunction in the body that is not the way the body is supposed to function or work and it's something that you can certainly get rid of and should get rid of so that you can be happy and healthy and talk to whoever you want to talk to. Like I do, because I healed myself and you can too. It is not a terminal illness. It is fixable, it just takes a consistent daily effort. But some people don't want to do that. I was willing to do whatever I needed to do in order to heal and I no longer have anxiety. 🙏🏼♥️

[sulabhasubramaniam]

The fog of uncertainty.. enters my core as I still keep breath ing.. And it smokes out the hope and trust hiding inside

[lesteryaytrippy]

What a way to encapsulate anxiety and being withdrawn, and being so enamored with just living inside one's head.