She Says 'I Want To Focus On Myself'

During a breakup a woman will often tell a man the reason for the breakup to be "I want to focus on myself" or "I don't want a relationship right now" it can be confusing. While the reason she gives makes sense logically, in a man's mind it also leaves to door open for a possible future.

In this Coaching Video I will be discussing what women really mean when they say these things & what men can do to turn a breakup to a possible reconciliation.
#GirlCode #BreakUp #LostAttraction #FalseHope
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I'm Erik Peterson, a men's relationship & dating coach, and at Skill of Attraction I provide dating tips & relationship advice, mainly for men, to help facilitate growing & maintaining attraction in their romantic life to where it's fun, loving & relatively effortless.

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These other videos of mine may help --

"Why Women Lose Attraction For Men":

"Applying The No Contact Rule Correctly":

"How Men Lose The Power in Relationships":

"Should I Be Friends With My Ex?":

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[tequilachanel]

Have a women says she want to focus on herself she means: she not interested at all in a nice way but don’t let my response get to your ego. If the guy of her dreams come into her life she’s gonna work something out. Move on.

[estebansanchez]

When he says in his email “I don’t want to lose her” it implies or comes from a place of fear and lack of abundance. When we live from that place it makes us hold on to a female too tightly and it’s actually counterproductive because we as men will make her feel smothered. In return, she’ll back away. I had to learn this the hard way. It goes both ways. Men and woman need to want to be in a relationship as a choice, especially woman since it’s all about feelings and emotions from them. She won’t give you 100% if it’s forced. Give her space and learn to enjoy life. She will either come back or you’ll meet someone new.

[narcfreeatlast]

It's just womanese for I'm not ready for a relationship.. WITH YOU!!! If a woman tries to pull this on me, I go: Ok honey! You're free.. nice knowing ya!

[megawavy]

She told me “it was nothing you did, you’re a great guy we had mad fun together I just don’t wanna be with anyone right now”. She would keep saying that she still loves me and misses me and will always be there for me but at the end of the day she still broke up w me. We were together for 6 months before she left me over text and then wouldn’t let me talk to her in person. I was caught off guard I thought we were happy, she told me she just has too much past trauma she hasn’t healed from and her depression and stuff like that and I want to believe but I just feel like it’s bs. Maybe I smothered her maybe I scared her off, all I did was treat her right tho and she still left me. It’s been about 2 months since this happened and at first I was doing everything wrong I reacted emotionally and that probably made it worse but I have had zero contact with her in 2 weeks now. We talked about being together forever and then she just abandoned me. She says she just all of a sudden doesn’t have enough time for me because she’s “always at the gym, or working so much or babysitting” or blah blah blah. She also is doing online school but the thing is she did 90% of that stuff when we were together that’s how I know it’s bullshit. So it’s crazy to me how she has no more time for me when she used to have all the time in the world for me.

Sorry for the long comment, honestly could make it longer but this is my story. Been 2 months.

[davidaustin]

Had a girl who basically said this after two months of talking. Told her to get in touch when she wanted to have some fun and hang out. It was tough, but I just accepted that it was over for good. Went 12 days without hearing from her and she just messaged me about my Snapchat story haha

[frankofam]

Man I wish we could travel back in time and tell myself this, the more you act like you don't care, the more they will. But always be respectful, and if you do this during a fight you will most likely get the needs for the growing you don't want to not care too much.

[gagerdrg]

Brah. Just focus on yourself go through no contact. Go to the gym. Get your body looking hella fine and find someone else hella fine. I started boxing again when I went to the gym. I love putting negative energy into something. Gonna join a boxing gym soon. That or take other martial arts honestly helps.

[zidaneffixexe]

I want to focus on myself usually means, I've already picked somebody else I want to be with i'm gonna go see how that works out. but I want to break up with you so that I am not considered a cheater.

[phillipmennor]

This happened to me recently. I simply told her that I hope she resolves her issues soon, and if she changes her mind or if she wants to resume things with me after she works out her problems, to let me know. I know it's an excuse, and I don't care if I hear from her or not.

[gemperez]

I totally agree with you, this was the case with my ex, I loved him though but I questioned myself about the relationship because I wanted a high value man who was strong enough to focus in his goal and no someone who was insecure and not trusting in me, like calling and texting to often to the point I felt I was controlled. Man need to remember his nature, he is the provider and woman the nurturer, men need to provide a safety place

[kernalmasta]

My ex said this but I truly think she meant it. We were together 6 years and the last year was very tough on her. We lived together for 3 years and last year she had to move back home. Home is a strict catholic household with a father who has autism and can yell at times. My ex is 28 and they told her she had a curfew, she cannot spend the night nor have me over past curfew. Thats only a few of their rules.

Anyways that was hard on her and I because of the restrictions. Then she started working full time and her masters. With her curfew that only left us time on the weekends to see each other. Her work she hated because the coworkers talked bad about her the first week and so she told me she dreaded going to work but she needee the job. Then she was in a car accident leaving her with a bunch of wounds and trauma to drive. Then she lost both of her grandparents. And finally she works in healthcare and covid became a thing, which made her nervous to work. I was doing my best to be supportive but ultimately she I believe felt smothered because with my inability to see her, when I could I would ask how I can support her and she would be reminded of the bad things in her life currently.

She broke up with me saying there is so much darkness and I need to find light. She needed to focus on herself and and focus on healing and that it is not fair to me that my needs are not being met. I responded honestly by saying I can understand better I just wish you would have communicated this with me sooner then now when you are breaking up with me. She asked for no contact to be in a healing space to rebuild herself. And she said she needs "alot of space"

Now I am at 4 months no contact. Our mutual friends told me she is not dating, is in therapy weekly, is looking for new work, doing well on her masters, and she is planning a solo hiking trip (this would be a first for her) inspired by the "Wild" where a woman travels an 1100 mile hike to find herself.

[mitzilou]

Same happened to me but it was my fiance. We were together for 4 years. We met twice last 2017, and recently last summer 2019 which is when we got engaged. And now he broke up with me because he got tired with the distance. He didn't cheat, very faithful person. Its just that his love is fading because of the pressure, how painful distance is and financial problem to work our papers which will also take up to 1 year. At first i got upset bc it was so sudden, i felt betrayed. But then we called earlier to settle things and talk through it. He said he is just tired of fighting against all odds considering he don't have stable job yet. He wants to make a stand in his life. So he is letting me go bc he dont feel the same way as much as before because of the distance and so i am not stucked as well. He said we can still be friends and support each other but like more spontaneously. I think for the past few years we were so busy fighting against the distance without a break that our relationship becomes so pressured and not natural. What should i do? Thank you so much!!!

[outroseok]

I'm the opposite, a man said this to me... he said "he can't focus on anyone but himself right now" /: it hurts because I feel like I've been led on...

[darrianpenner]

My gf says she needs to work on herself and we have been together for over 10months and are engaged I want to know what I need to do to make her want me back she says she don't want to be with me anymore

[octane_rl]

let her initiate the phone calls and messages

[gabynyy]

Hey coach, im struggling here. Met this girl a month ago through a coworker and we hit it off great. We have a lot of chemistry and we liked each other alot and she is very sexually attracted to me but she has a lot of baggage. We had sex twice as well. She was always in contact with me and seemed very into me and has opened up to me with more information of her life then she has told any of the other people in her life. She is diagnosed with BPD and has other hang ups with former relationships. She believes that she doesn’t really deserve anything good and isn’t used to being treated well and she says that she is afraid of falling for me and wanting something more serious and that I’m too good for her. I’ve told her multiple times I’m not aiming for a serious relationship right now but I’m open to it in the future but she feels that it’s going to end up that way. She says she afraid of getting attached to me and falling back into her BPD tendencies and said that she wants stop talking to me before that happens because of everything going on in her life. She thinks I deserve better and that I shouldn’t be with someone like her. I don’t feel like I had any behaviors that turned her off and made me seem needy to her so I’m not really sure what to do besides no contact. Maybe I have to reflect more. What do you think?

[wassupman]

The biggest mindblow to me is that she told her friend that she doesn't know if she wants to give us the second chance (I broke up cuz I felt like a lower priority and yes I was kinda emotionally weak and nagged her about that, we talked about 5 times about it) but she is not sure if that is the best idea. She replies to my IG stories from time to time and still keeps our pictures on her profile but when I offered to come for a coffee at her place in another town because she studies there, she said that she doesn't know if that is the smartest idea with insecure voice. I really don't know if should I just go and tell her "hey, I'm here for you (she's been depressed for some time now), not because I want something of you but because I value you still as a person" or should just do the no contact rule and let her call me out or idk I'm so confused. Break up happened about 10 days ago and I've started working out more, socializing more and working on my goals tho we've been 2 years together, she's a great girl and Im willing to give us another chance as well but this time with different approach, as you mentioned: "for her to be my compliment in live not ONLY focus". I know it's kinda long comment and the video is 3 years old but nothing costs me to try and ask for advice. Thank you on the video Erik, and I will definitely keep working on my emotional masculinity (subscribed already ;)

[judithromero]

And I knew him along time I felt like I was waiting for him like a puppy

[EpicPour]

Got the "want to focus on myself" then blew my phone up the very next night. Women