What To Do If She Says She Has A Boyfriend

Hey Guys! I’m Kate Spring, your virtual dating and relationship tutor. Have you ever fallen for someone who is already in a relationship? If you have, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I personally have, and I know many people who have as well. This is a super tricky position to find yourself in. It’s like a more complicated version of the friend zone, but with a third party participant. Anyways, I’m here to help you with what to do if she says she has a boyfriend.

Just before we get started, if you have any questions at all, please leave them in the comments below and I’ll be sure to get back to you, personally, as soon as I can!

Alright, I’m sure you already feel how uncomfortable this situation is. And there are really two camps here: one is that you’ve just met her, and, two, she is already your friend who has a boyfriend. For the latter, I would say that it is best to move on. But, now you’re thinking, what if you have a friendship with her? That is a different story, and one I can help you with.

If you are just friends with a girl that you like, I want to say try and then move on, keeping her as a friend. However, if your feelings are strong enough, you want to be proactive about it and not have any regrets. I understand the need to at least try to let her know you have feelings for her before you can fathom moving on.

Chances are, if you’re friends with her and you like her, you will try to be the person that she can call on whenever she needs someone. If this is you, you’re her security blanket. This allows her to date other men but still keep you there for all of the good advice, and positive male attention.

This is, essentially, the friend zone, which is not a terrible place to be in. This just means that you are valuable to her, but she doesn’t see herself dating you, yet.

Being in the friendzone doesn’t completely suck, I mean it sucks, but thankfully you can try and do something about it. Being in the friend zone means that she trusts you and probably doesn’t want to complicate or lose you as a friend by dating you. No matter how strong your feelings are, you aren’t going to change her mind over night. Regardless, if you like her current boyfriend or not, it’s not your job to tell her why she shouldn’t date him. The key here is patience. Watch and be there for her. Love takes on many forms, and one of the most valuable is friendship. So don’t get discouraged just yet.

Do not, whatever you do, or however drunk you get, talk poorly about her current boyfriend. When girls hear this, it makes them not want to confide in you anymore and you will put her in protection mode and make her defend her boyfriend to you.

Ultimately, girls need to make their own decisions in relationships they don’t want to be told who is good enough for them. They need to learn it themselves. No matter how loud you yell it, she may never hear it, or she only will when she is finally ready to hear it and move on.

Ok, there are, however, some ways that you could change her mind or help her along the decision-making process. That is, if you are always available to her, you need to stop. At this point, she sees you as a friend, not someone who is boyfriend material. If you want to subtly let her know that you’re not her surrogate boyfriend, you need to create some distance from her. You’re the boyfriend without the benefits; you basically pick up the pieces that her boyfriend fails to.

But this is a good position to be in because it means a couple things: one, it means that she values you and your opinion, but, at the same time, you are not the person she is attracted to if you are so available to her. If you start to live your life without her, not always being there to comfort her when she’s sad, to hang out whenever she wants, or to immediately answer her phone calls, she will probably start to realize that she needs to make a decision. And if you start dating other women, this will ultimately frustrate her in that another woman has essentially “stolen” her friend.

Once you start to live your life without her, maybe she will have to reconsider who she could live without, either you or her boyfriend. Another bonus of this is if your emotions happen to be lust, the chances are, in the right environment, they can be pretty fleeting. Taking yourself out from under her wing and living for yourself might actually allow you to go out and meet someone else.

[bigsean]

I'm actually done with her, not because I don't like her anymore but because I can't stand hanging out with her knowing I can't have her.
*That's why I'm just gonna tell her how I feel, * and then I'm gonna leave...

[buffimpreza]

As you grow older, you will learn to laugh it off. It took me two years to forget this girl. Kinda funny but I went through "that" period =)

[DarriasDarnell]

What if she's the one who made this video?

[matteofazio]

What to do if she says she has a boyfriend? simply run away like there is no tomorrow.

[Dominic]

By the way, to clear things up about the bro code is that, you don't date your bothers/best friends/fathers (Basically whoever you are close with), girlfriends. Unless of course they are cool with it.

[cosmicdoggo]

I actually had been in a friend zone but I got tired of it and told her how i feel and that our friendship is bad for my mental helpt and didn't spoke to her since

[DaScorpionSting]

I met a girl since the first day of class. We both became close friends unfortunately she has a boyfriend who ask her out last month days before I was going to which is good for me cause it would’ve been awkward for me had I ask her out. I didn’t entirely believe that they started going out last month cause after she told me about him and seeing photos on Facebook of them both together months before I met her they were pretty much into each other. I think they were just going out in secret and only made it official on telling everyone. I stopped blaming myself once I found that out cause it wouldn’t have made a difference had I ask her out earlier knowing that they were both going out even before I met her. Almost in every conversation she mentions her boyfriend like in one conversation when I ask what her school schedule is like next semester she told me that part but also bought up another part I didn’t ask about on how she’s not going to move closer to school next semester cause if she did it would be harder for her seeing her boyfriend. I noticed through my messages and text it gets shorter and she ends by saying “see ya next or Monday!” Even when I hangout with her I can tell her and her boyfriend text each other a lot and she even changed the pic on her phone to the both of them together. After seeing those signs I decided that I’m only going to stay as friends with her and let go of any hope of ever going out with her. After I decided on that like the next day when I went on my Facebook to look up comic news her post showed up on my news feed and her boyfriend posted a pic of them both together holding a stuff teddy bear with him saying “I love you with all my heart!” She responded the same. I immediately told myself I made the right decision for myself and I’ll admit it sucks she has boyfriend but it would have been worst if my friendship with her got ruin. I’ll probably won’t see her again next semester cause we will both be in our separate programs but at the same time I’m leaving how things will play out and just hopefully meet new people next semester.

[mariobryant]

She pretty much called it right. It’s heartbreaking but that’s reality, I’ve experienced it and I was friends with someone and am slowly learning this. Yes it sucks but I’m slowly moving on and have a relationship with someone which is more to my liking.

[MirracleCat]

So I met this girl at work. We both get along so well, she seems to be extremely interested in me, we flirt from time to time, I basically can be all myself around her. Now I have a problem… one of my friends told me that she is in a long distance relationship but she never ever mentioned it or gave me any hints. So this video should prepare me for the worst. Im going in to tell her how I feel and ask her out for a date. I believe its the right way to do… it would only hurt to keep having this extreme crush on someone and not tell how u feel.. of course you might lose this person after this

[nigeriaaa]

Thx i just ask out a girl today and we were friends, but i saw sighns that she likes me and i liked her alot. So i asked her out and she said that she has a boyfriend. I've given her hugs and told her how beautiful she is. But idk y she didn't tell me early. Her body languages showed that she likes me as well.

[SirYawasap]

You can still keep her around as a friend but don't give her to much attention or you'll just be a male girlfriend, eventually you'll come up in her rotation or when her boyfriend screws up.

[barrybebenek]

Great tips Kate. I'm in this position and have had to start to create the "distance" you mention. It's hard, but necessary to not be at the ready every moment.

[colorpraeterita]

Damn, I wish I had seen this vid a month ago... long story short, I ended up s#%t-talking a work friend's taste in men (I've fancied her for ages), now we're not even friends and it's an awkward situation at work. So to my fellow guys out there, be sure to be completely honest with yourself if you feel jealous of the boyfriend/ex/other dudes and/or insecure about yourself (I know, those feelings are very uncomfortable and it's hard to admit it to one's self), otherwise those feelings can ambush you and push you to say things that you shouldn't... that's what happened to me and as much as I needed to get s#%t off my chest at the time, I wish I had taken a breath instead and spent some time to think things over and talk it through with some friends, after all what is said can't be unsaid.

P.S. thank you for your videos Kate, I appreciate your insights :)

[GHOST-igbi]

I’ve fallen for someone who i have known for a few months - we aren’t exactly mates but today I just found out that she has a boyfriend. If a girl has a bf then she has a bf ! If somehow she dumped her man for me, I would lose all the respect which I have had for her ! She is a quality woman and will obviously be loyal to her man. Even though it makes me feel like shit .. this is how quality women behave and I wouldn’t want to expect anything less. Stop seeing her at the cafe where she works won’t be fair to her because we always tend to have great banter . Quite obviously she hasn’t done anything wrong for me to stop seeing her but I guess il just have to wait until I see an opening where she is single. I don’t fall for people easily or that many times anyway ..

[pascaltsinany]

She made the first move by giving her number and she is my classmate, me don’t have a phone . Went to her and gave her a love note. But I don’t talk much to her but I asked her a question wanna go farther or just be friend and she said I have boyfriend and I walked away

[marcoperanteau]

Hi Kate nice work I send you a virtual hug! Thanks this is really for the younger guys I've been through this a couple times it is awkward for a guy especially when he knows he can be a much better man for her! Have a nice day...

[SOIBand]

I know you hear this all the time, Kate. But I love your eyes. So beautiful.

[philmachunter]

in my situation, we did not just meet and we aren't friends yet. We work together and got to know each other 4 months ago. We see each other maybe 2-3 times a month at work. She never, not even the slightest hint, mentioned that she has a boyfriend, until we bumped into him, whilst going to a b-day party 2 weeks ago. Later that evening she even told me (we were a bit drunk), that she thinks he's dumping her or she should dump him but she can't because all her friends are his friends as well. Next day i texted her, if she needed someone to talk to that i am there (at that moment i was fine with being in the friendzone) but she replied with: "everything fine again" but it seemed like it wasn't that fine. Kate, what would you recommend i should be doing, because i'm clueless. -Phil

[imaginableAudio]

Definitely dont become friends.
You move on. Dont ever get into a friendship when you want to be with her.

[paulbennell]

This isn't necessarily what a lot of guys will want to hear but when you think about it, this is the only way that makes sense. From what I've said you can probably guess I'm playing the long game...