What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness

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This one study will change how you think about your entire life.

Today, you’re getting the definitive answer to this powerful question:

What makes a good life?

There is nothing more important than this conversation. Because by the time you are done listening, your life won’t be the same.

In this episode, you’re getting the research, the secrets, and some very surprising takeaways from an 86-year-long study at Harvard. The Harvard Study of Adult Development began in 1938 and is the longest study that has ever been done on happiness, relationships, and the human experience.

Joining Mel today is the director of that study, Dr. Robert Waldinger, MD. Dr. Waldinger is a medical doctor, professor at Harvard Medical School, and a zen priest. He is here to share all of the groundbreaking research and, more importantly, give you the answers to what you need to do starting today in order to live a good life.

You’ll learn the best life advice and lessons from 100-year-olds, the surprising question of whether you can predict if you’ll be healthy at age 80, the simple daily habit that leads to lasting happiness, and more—all backed by decades of research.

This episode is a companion to Mel's brand new free training, Make It Happen.

This training is designed to help you make your next 6 months extraordinary. It includes a 29 page workbook and 2 video trainings that use the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and create a plan to make it happen.

I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.

In this episode:
7:26: What IS the Harvard Study of Adult Development?
12:03: The biggest and surprising takeaway from this study.
14:38: What was the strongest predictor of health at age 80?
17:07: Causes of loneliness and how to feel connected again.
20:36: The #1 strategy for couples who don’t feel connected.
24:27 Remember THIS when you’re trying to make new friends.
26:41: Mel shares what was happening in her life at 27 years old.
29:05: The advantage to getting older.
31:28: What do we get wrong about happiness?
40:31: What does money have to do with happiness?
46:14: How do we stop comparing ourselves?
48:29: How to find happiness when you’re in your 20’s.
56:52: What kind of relationships do you NEED to have a good life?
1:02:12: What will help you get the most out of life?
1:10:17: What to hear if you don’t have a romantic partner.
1:14:47: #1 pro tip for nurturing your friendships.
1:18:45: How to have deeper conversations with your friends.
1:26:06: The most important thing to know about raising healthy children.
1:29:32: How to help your kids and loved ones meet the challenges of life.
1:34:30: What were the biggest regrets for people at the end of their lives?
1:37:45: These are the only people who will remember that you worked late.

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[JeanGenie]

"Loneliness is being less connected to people than you want to be" so well put

[judylishman]

The coffee shop!! Yes! After a couple years walking past the same retired couple at the coffee shop every morning - grabbing my coffee on my way to work - said hello. Over time we had a group of 7-8 who would sit for 20-30 min before work. Complete strangers before. People often saying one day they’d join us. Pull up a chair now!! It was so fantastic!! Working from home changed that for me. I think I’ll drop in one morning this week and say hello. ❤

[cecillecupino]

Just texted a friend that I missed her and not even a second pass, she replied back. Felt great!

[dodalton]

I don't know where it came from, but I've been acutely aware of how temporary life is since I was 4. Earliest memory was standing outside, thinking about how loved and safe I felt, and how carefree, and I thought - "I want to remember this feeling for the rest of my life". I've been savoring life since the beginning. It still takes effort - which is why I'm here, listening to this podcast. 😌

[steffaniewest]

Finding faith and belief in God has provided me with the connection I longed for. The connections with people or the positive interactions with people are now the special things in my life but they no longer ground me. Faith is my foundation ❤

[pinkdaisy]

A couple years ago I decided to bring back "old school" letter writing. I send a card to about 20-25 friends once a month. I get a pack of cards at the Dollar Store. I usually put a little something in the card, like an individual wrapped tea bag, and write a quick note inside the card. It does take a little bit of time and there is some cost to it, especially with stamps going from .68 to .73 in July 2024 but it's something I really enjoy doing and I do hear back from 1/2 my friends, telling me that it made their day.

[timmytwotone]

This came up on my feed today. I needed this as a 58 year old guy that has been through a LOT….

[allycroc]

He has such joy and sweetness in his eyes. Such a pleasure to listen to him.

[wqvgnlu]

My son thinks small talk is a waste of time and it isn't authentic but as you said when you do it gives you a rush of feeling present and happiness in connecting in that moment. These little things add up in our life.

[ethels_et_al.]

i found mel robbins at one of the lowest point of my life, i'm learning a lot and trying to put pieces back together, Thank you Mel=)

[pjparkin]

This man seems like the kindest most loving man. I can feel his goodness. ❤

[inspirationalkidneyhealthcoach]

Imagine starting a conversation with a stranger on a silent NYC subway. After a few minutes other people around started talking to one another. Did it ♥️ed. It WAS energizing.

[ms.carmeng]

When I was young and raising a family I wanted everything. I didn’t get everything and our needs were met. As I have gotten older my family means more to me than things. Our trips and being together makes me so happy. There are people that have everything. Money, cars, big homes, don’t have to worry about where their next meal is coming from and still are not happy.

[Tayzerfun]

Can Dr. Waldinger please come back and talk with us some more? He was fantastic!!

[SPIRITWILDCHILD]

My only continuous joy in life is my rescued dogs. I've been rescuing for decades. People disappoint me, dogs never do. Can't wait to hear what he has to say. 13:32 As I thought connections with people are the key. Won't happen for me, sadly. I am the second illegitimate child of a narcissistic mother who went on to marry and have 6 legitimate children. I was mommy's little helper and the scapegoat child. I brought my trauma into adulthood where I tried to be a good mother but I'm told I failed. Unable to be a grandmother to my grandchildren I moved to Panama with my narcissistic husband. I live and have always lived in fight or flight my entire life. Neither of us are able to make and keep friends. It's is no wonder I have had chronic fatigue monthly for 12 years. I'm 68 and continue to watch helpful YouTube channels like yours. Thank you so much.

[HebaAlexander]

it means to be at Peace with no matter what your life looks like, accepting your reality but knowing it's not forever like so.

[ChloeMazurelle]

I grew up in with a narcissist mother. I always had the feeling that being alone is safer. If I’m stressed I meditate, photograph or play with my dog. I also have a more introverted personality. What you mean is introverted people don’t live long and are not healthy? What should we do when we feel safer and happier by themselves?

[sarajones]

Another Rockstar guest for a Rockstar Host. One of the things I appreciate the most about you, Mel is your consideration for your listeners. You always want to make sure that they understand what is being taught, no matter where they are in life. I really appreciate that. Thank you for providing us with top rate information!

[Izzybellita]

Mel, you and I share so much of what you talk about with us in this podcast. The moment you teared up in the beginning, so full of emotion and heart, I immediately teared up as well. I felt that so deeply. Thank you for sharing your heart and your experiences. I want to share this episode with my daughter. The level of loneliness in the country, in my humble opinion, has reached epidemic proportions. As I've gotten older, I feel that longing to feel part of a group and to feel cared for. I'm like you in many ways, I break the silence and talk to people - yet - there is no 'best friend' or close friend in my life. I am blessed to have my husband and daughter but as human beings, we need to feel that sense of community and caring. I'll continue to support you because you're amazing. And as you say many times (and I cherish it), I LOVE YOU TOO!!! Have an amazing day! 😍❣❣❣

[rheannonbenton]

As a mom of 4 small kids, I get stuck in the overwhelm most days and react to every little thing. This is so inspiring. Can’t wait to learn how to “surf the waves of life” ❤