If You’re “Too Self-Aware,” Watch This | Being Well

Have you ever felt like you knew yourself a little too well? While self-awareness is usually helpful, it can sometimes lead to overwhelm, anxiety, confusion, and self-consciousness. In this episode, Dr. Rick and I explore what we can do if we feel like we’re “too self-aware.”

We begin by identifying some of the issues that can arise with self-awareness, differentiating it from self-consciousness, and highlighting how conflict between different parts can stop us from becoming who we want to be. We then discuss how developing ego strength can help us become more authentic and free in our behavior. Rick then guides me through a role-play exercise aimed at reducing self-consciousness and social anxiety, and addressing parts of ourselves we may not like.

Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:30 What does "too self-aware" look like?
3:55 Three ways self-awareness can cause problems, and four stages of growth
8:25 Self-consciousness, and outside-in vs. inside-out
14:35 Authenticity, feeling stuck, and internalizing judgment
19:10 Ego strength, and what helps people navigate overwhelm
28:55 What not to do, and a roleplay with Forrest
35:25 Showing interest in others, and rumination
39:55 More roleplay, anxiety, over-analysis, and shame
53:30 Qualities we like and can embrace about an exiled part
1:01:50 Recap

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[Olivia-Scott]

My self-awareness and awareness of others have become so crippling that it has taken me to a place of complete distrust for the human race. I constantly fear how I’m being perceived, which has been so scary and I feel so detached. I needed this today; thank you so much for speaking on this topic.

[vas_]

“The more self-conscious we become the less authentic we can be”.

🎯 Man I felt that in my heart!

[captainadele]

I believe that it is important to recognize that the darker parts of ourselves are no more authentic than the best parts. Authenticity is the expression of the fully integrated whole.

[Heather_Michelle]

The timing of this video is uncanny: I had my first therapy appointment ever yesterday (I'm 46) & at the end of it the therapist said I'd done an amazing job being my own therapist all these years and i was very self aware...I said "yes, I am, and THAT'S THE PROBLEM". In listening to this, I've realized that my version of being my own therapist, though, is acknowledging and then chastising myself for my issues, not listening objectively as a third party would. Thank you for this... new level unlocked

[maytem]

I believe part of the root cause is that we don't realize how much of what we identify as "our authentic self" is a construct and not based on absolutes...

[lunasucksatlife]

The more self-aware I become, the more I struggle with self-hatred. It’s a neverending cycle, and it’s affecting every aspect of my life—my work, relationships, self-trust, confidence, and competence. This negativity seems to feed on itself, creating more negative experiences. Ironically, when I was less self-aware and made a lot of reckless decisions, life felt easier. The consequences were minimal, and nothing seemed as doom-impending as how I feel now with every little thing and mistake I make. But now, as an adult, there’s this immense pressure to grow up, and it’s exhausting. I realize I don’t give myself much grace. However, something that has been helping me navigate this inner turmoil is listening to Michael Singer and podcasts like yours. I feel like I need to completely rebuild my internal world, and I am hoping this is just a temporary, painful growth.
thanks for everything you do to help us all

[WTG]

My self awareness lead to a social anxiety, my external person was always critical and watching, I had to retrain that inner voice to start being more compassionate, patient and to start saying nicer things. It's made all the difference in the world as I learnt to unify my self

[nomadman]

Actual self-awareness isn't a hindrance in the slightest, nor does it make you feel any sort of way; you simply notice how you feel, watch it, and move on to noticing other things. There's no negative emotion that comes with it, judgment, or worry. If you're experiencing those sorts of things, then it's you being "self-conscious" or thinking about yourself a lot, perhaps constantly. It might even be neuroticism. However, that's something completely different than what we mean by "self-awareness."

[rustyshimstock]

Looking back in old journals, I see that I used to ruminate a lot about how I should have acted in various situations (shame). I had a lot of anxiety about how I should act in current and upcoming situations. Eventually, I found relief in just avoiding situations in general, where acting one way or another would be an issue. I can see how these were early steps down the path of my becoming a generally avoidant solitary person.

If I had had been a wise counselor to myself back in those days I would have figured out a way to convey the idea that being a person is not an act. That spontaneous mistakes and slip-ups are a learning process. Essentially the problem is in how to cultivate compassion (antidote for shame) for yourself and also in being less judgemental of others -- in essence, how to connect and how to learn about other people.

Thank you Forrest and Rick for helping me to put together these memories. I may be getting ready to finally put them into their proper perspective.

[ZachiraJOgando]

Being extremely self-aware is a super power people! How amazing it is to have this power that causes growth, change, understanding, & wisdom! Think of how unstoppable you will be when you merge and manage both sides of yourself. Self-awareness & Just Being You! 5minutes of self awareness for growth and then back to being my badass self 😜🥰❤! Balance! This video has created so many questions for me to do shadowork with. I love it ❤! Thank you!!! 🙏🏽

[A.new.begining]

Yes yes yes, I love that part about being more interested in the other people vs being interesting to the other people. The reason I think this works is because it is in the highest and greatest good for all to be of service to other. Simply being actively and genuinely interested in another is an act of service.

[zialuna]

This episode was very useful for me, as I identify as someone who can go into a "shame spiral" about something I've said or done. I experienced the role play as a tender and insightful journey, and was blown away by Rick's compassionate approach to the disowned part. Thank you!

[JeffFinley]

Good discussion. I'll add my two cents: He recommends taking the focus off yourself, and to be intereseted in others. But the problem is you end up in situations where you're the supportive listener ALL the time. In fact, people love you because they've never felt so seen before! So yeah of course, you're included because you give people attention and a platform to express themselves and generally hold them in positive regard (aka not being disagreeable or critical). It has the unintended side effect of creating narcissists, while you lose touch with what it feels like to express yourself and become a boundryless empath.

[salparadise]

The Observer
In Buddhist thinking there is an aspect of the self called The Observer. It doesn’t really get involved in decisions or have feelings. If a child/person responds to emotional turmoil and trauma by withdrawing they may find and become too closely associated with this aspect of themselves. The observer is safe. It doesn’t shout at you or say awful things. Later in life this manifests as feelings of disassociation and detachment, as though real life were happening on the other side of a sheet of glass. The need then is to get back into meatspace, where every instinct says there is danger, insecurity and what seem, by comparison, to be strong emotions.
Zen Buddhism has a lot to say to current psycho-emotional problems.

[peacefulisland]

Last night I prayed over this topic; for help in my stuckness with "parts" that overwhelm me consistently and my inability to find and maintain clarity at somewhat tense moments.
My ability to vacate my body is so perfect that I can have a conversation in my head, prepare fully for an event, but watch my body react and melt down anyway.
This nearly full awareness is brutal and I now understand why it is so common for addicts of all types to relapse.
It's a lonely state of "I am not this, and I am not that".
A no man's land.

[JLaw]

I was compelled to comment on this podcast. I feel as though you were inside my head! It felt comforting to know that here are two well educated, compassionate people who are able to be vulnerable and share this with their listeners. It gives me hope. It makes me feel…understood in a way. Thank you, sincerely.

[annie.pittman]

Genuinely can’t believe I just got all that for free on the internet. Thank you both so much ❤

[DeepThink]

I'm highly sensitive and very anxiety-prone. And recently I've been feeling that I'm hyper-aware of my feelings, which has been a little overwhelming.😅 Thanks a lot for your timely upload just when I need it and for everything you do. ❤️

[sharishakti]

Definitely a perfectly timed and extremely helpful episode!
I'm reminded of the phrase: "What other people think of me is none of my business." I've spent way too much of my life worrying about how others perceive me and trying to morph myself into what is acceptable or would be better liked. It's exhausting!😂

I find myself today at age 64, in a new relationship with a caring soul who encourages me to just be myself. I want to trust that the parts of me that were shut down and/or criticized can return with grace/acceptance.

The good news is that I'm hopeful given my boyfriend's laughter when I released the goofy side recently and he lovingly referred to me as a "goofball". It felt freeing!

Thank you so much for your willingness to approach subjects that help us in real, everyday ways.

I love role plays AND the way the two of you interact in general.😁

My 36 year old daughter also loves your offerings and continues to gain awareness. 🙏🏻

Well done with Being Well!😉

[semy]

“Others are not impacted by us, we are impacted by ourselves, with our tight regulations, self consciousness, self awareness!”