The Terrible Paradox of Self-Awareness | Fernando Pessoa

In this video, we explore a mysterious yet beautiful work of literature produced by one of the most interesting writers of the twentieth century: The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa. The story of the book itself is perhaps as unsettling as its contents.

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[kaibuchan]

Perhaps the most comforting thing about delving into this level of the human experience is knowing there are a few other humans who dared to think as far as you did, and they feel the terror, beauty, and absurdity of it all just as much as you do.

[xiaomeiisoup]

Being self aware is weird. I both know who I am and have no clue who I am. I’m both the narrator and main character of my own life, and I spend a great deal of my time analyzing myself from the 3rd person. Every word I say, every movement I make, and even every thought I think has been carefully curated to create a ‘character’ of me. I know everything about myself, so it feels like I know nothing about myself. I have no idea whether my feelings are real or whether I fabricated them in order to fit my artificial identity. Even the most ‘raw’ parts of my emotion are intentionally raw, and it’s caused me to feel absolutely horrible, knowing that even my truest self might not actually be my truest self, and is just what I create my truest self to look like. I don’t feel human.

[LT.LICKME]

Seems that if you ask yourself a question for long enough, the answer no longer matters.

[MrDubi]

The hardest part is the isolation that comes with this level of self awareness.

[EsmagaSapos]

I'm from Portugal, and in school it was mandatory to study Fernando Pessoa. I hated it so much. I think he'd hate it as well. Fernando Pessoa, just like most great writers, you find them in the time of your life you need them the most.

[emmmma]

I get so caught up in self-awareness that I haven’t done anything at all in life. I’ve been hyper focused on my every move and breath for half my life only to realize I never looked at the bigger picture. I’m so isolated and constantly overwhelmed and it’s all my own doing. I understood every word of this video, I can’t imagine living a life not thinking this way.

Edit: I’m doing a lot better now! I wrote this comment in the thick of a weed addiction so that doesn’t help, and I’ve found the right medication for me (which does not include daily smoking). I’m chilling now lol it is rough being so aware at times still but I’m fine

[K.Y]

"Every deep thinker is more afraid of being understood than of being misunderstood."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

[ibzbvpq]

“Life is so short” not for the self-aware person…every moment is filled with heavy introspection, it’s liberating but my gosh is it exhausting

[nehamotwani]

These kind of stories makes you wonder, how many of such incredible works of so many people are or might be out there waiting to be found, and still so many lost forever.

[agentlouis]

Self awareness almost feels like you know more then should, it allows you to be so connected with yourself you realize your lack of importance and purpose, you are but a grain of sand on the eternal beach

[robotzcomix]

Being self aware is agony. especially when u are stuck with mental illness, bad habits, addictions, etc that u can't control. sometimes, you confuse who is actually "aware", is it your body, or perhaps the voices in your head arguing over justifications of every actions u made. even without emotional intelligence, you are aware of how your actions affect others physically and emotionally. it feels like the best persona of yourself is trapped inside your head and act as the "voices" and the worst version of you act as the vessel that move by your command yet it feels wrong. to become self aware is to lead yourself to understand the nonexisting and pointless thoughts that haunts you when your vessel don't listen.

[davidgarage]

You know a video is beyond exceptional when the comment section isn’t filled with compliments and praise but people philosophising about life. Bravo!

[faiz.shaikh]

"The truly wise man is the man who lets external events trouble him as little as possible. To do this, he needs to armor himself by surrounding himself with realities that are closer to him than those events, and through which the events reach him, changed so as to accord with those realities."

- Fernando Pessoa

[notlimahavlis]

Fernando Pessoa was not an obscure figure in his time in Lisbon. He was a very active member of the modernist movement in Portugal, being one of the creators of Orpheu magazine, and friend of great poets and writers such as Mário de Sá Carneiro and others. His poetry is widely studied in Brazil and Portugal.

[misatofart]

being a deep thinker is being terrified you’re going to think too much and realize something you weren’t supposed to and you’re never going to see anything the same again

[johndouglas]

Being human is less about discovering a self and more about creating a self. This is the essence of what it means to be human: creating what it means to be human.

[Dalabombana]

I feel like an observer. A perpetual student. An examiner of information of sorts. A feeler of feelings, an analyst of reality. It’s all I ever do and think, it’s all I really know.

[dannyllerena]

"It sometimes occurs to me with sad delight, that if one day the sentences I write are read and admired, then at last I'll have my own kin, people who understand me, my true family in which to be born and loved. But far from being born into it, I'll have already died long ago." I feel sad yet happy at the same time reading this. Thanks

[josem]

This was honestly one of the toughest things I put myself through. I remember being outside and it was as if I “woke up”
I questioned everything and dove into trying to find the answer to everything. I felt mad, I felt like nothing was real.
It got to a point where every second of my life I was aware of what I was doing. It wasn’t fun because i couldn’t allow myself to dive into whatever was happening.
Whenever I try to explain this to anyone else I try to make them feel, and understand my experience but 1. I wouldn’t want them to go through that and 2. It’s such a strong experience that words can’t properly explain what I went through / go through

[LeonSKennedy]

Of course I could never express these feelings as poetic and beautifully as he did, but I certainly relate to this a lot. This is something that caused a huge existential crisis in me. It made me wonder if I should just end my life, because it seemed so pointless, meaningless. I think so deeply and I don’t have people who relate to this. I don’t relate to the problems of my peers because they care so much about the littlest things. But just as I was starting to slip way too deep into this, I started reading a few books. Because despite feeling so nihilistic about life, I still cared to keep going. And especially books like those about the Japanese concept of ikigai made me realize that there is actually a huge point to life. Life is about living. It’s about being in the moment. When I finally realized this and put it into action, slowing down my life, paying attention to the smallest things, and feeling happy about them, I became happier. I just went to my prom yesterday, after I didn’t see my peers for a few weeks during finals, and the detox from the drama made it possible for me to detach from their drama as well. I danced, although I can’t dance. I literally didn’t care. I danced with friends of my peers that I didn’t even know, something I would’ve never done. Keeping away from all that drama and unimportant things, I managed to live in the moment and enjoy it. I was happy just being there and feeling alive.

Nowadays, after this sort of detox from drama and overstimulation of dopamine from social media such as tiktok, I managed to come down to a level of peace of mind where I literally get happy just walking in the kitchen and finding out my family bought some fruits I like. Literally. I get happy looking out the window and seeing cute birds walking around. The smallest things are the most precious.

Okay I don’t really know what else to say. Just enjoy life. If you are at this kind of existential crisis point, please keep going. No matter what. If you feel like nothing matters, just please take a look around. There are always things that matter. Family. Friends. Even material things that make you happy. They are not to be taken for granted. Maybe the sun is shining. Maybe it’s raining and you might think that sucks, but a cute quote I just read today says “no rain, no flowers”. It will pass and bring even more beauty. And that actually can be passed on to the whole of life. Downs will pass eventually. You might need to take a little action depending on your situation, but it will certainly pass in some way. And then, the up arrives, and it will bring beauty. Live in the moment and realize what makes you happy. Your delicious lunch, the beautiful weather, the nice smell of flowers. A beautiful person, even a stranger. Make a new friend, go outside. Enjoy life. It is pointless. Yes. But you’re already here so why not enjoy it. Fighting the fact that you’re alive is so much harder and more painful, giving up on life, it’s a very personal decision. But accepting that everyone has the ability to become happy, can change your outlook on life. Look for the positive things. It will make you smile. It takes a ton of time but eventually you will realize that everything is a coin, everything has two side. Choose the one that makes you happy. Your reality is subjective. Glass half full, half empty. Rain is bad or it waters the earth. It is up to you, so choose to be happy if you want to be happy. It is a decision. You deserve to be happy. I love you all and I hope despite of this probably being a novel by now, might have inspired someone to rethink some views on life ❤️