Childfree vs. Childless: What's the Difference?

What's it mean to be childfree by choice, compared to ending up childless?
Frequently worrying about how his life would be "over" if he had kids, Cameron had panic attacks when he came close to becoming a parent--maybe growing up in a religion that pressures people to start families had something to do with it. Meanwhile, Sarah didn't really want children until her late '30s and then tried unsuccessfully, before finding herself at odds with the fertility industry and a support group.

Childfree vs. Childless | Should We Kid or Not? Ep. 5

How do we help other childless people find support and communicate to those around them? What is it like to socialize when so many around you have kids?

Learn more about "Independent Lens":

Writer | Director
Maxine Trump

Executive Producers for Independent Lens
Sally Jo Fifer
Lois Vossen

Producers
Dorottya Mathe
Maxine Trump

Series Producer
Pamela Torno

Supervising Producer for ITVS
Clare Chambers

Director of Photography
Hiroshi Hara

Editor
Josh Granger

Casting Associate
Martine Phelan-Roberts

Production Designer
Jesika Farkas

Sound Recordist
Nikola Chapelle

Production Coordinator for ITVS
Susan Cohen

Thanks to all additional crew and the cast.

Makeup Artist | Hair Stylist
Daurisa Tessier

Camera Operator | Gaffer
Andrew Keefe

Camera PA
Mollie Moore

Art PA
Jack Dobens

Set PA
Serena Smith

DIT | Behind The Scenes Photographer
Kuldeep Sah Gangola

Driver
Igeoma "Ejoma" Simon

Colorist
Kyle I. Kelley

ReRecording Mixer Clean Cuts
Archie Moore

Intern
Adrian Korin

Music Courtesy of
APM Music

Filmed at
Attic Studios

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Film Emporium

Makeup Supply Provided by
MAC Cosmetics
Fenty Beauty
Smashbox

SHOULD WE KID OR NOT? is a co-production of HITMAN PRODUCTIONS, LLC and INDEPENDENT TELEVISION SERVICE (ITVS), with funding provided by the CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC BROADCASTING (CPB)

© 2019 Hitman Production, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

[SunflowerH]

I agree society automatically thinks because a person is a parent that they are naturally good humble people and that isn't true.

[withyoctopus]

"We have to value other forms of adulthood than parenthood" That's a great way of putting it! Absolutely.

[lrldn]

Thank God for this. I'm childfree by CHOICE and I do NOT like being referred to as Childless.

[janninmarie]

I like how you choose smart, open minded and respectful guests unlike jubilee.

[meghnamehta]

Lovely to see a guy giving this interview.. The pressure is not only on women, its also on men!

[claralincoln]

I'm so glad that Sarah realized that she was causing herself and more than likely her husband, as well, trauma from those failed IVF treatments. I like Sarah. She seems like a lovely lady. And Cameron is so genuine.

[angelsrosena]

Childfree people are more concerned about children's mental health (and really care about it) than those ones that want kids only to sustain their own ego...

[Rachellesmusic]

This will help people know the difference between childfree and childless.
I’m a Christian I knew at young age didn’t want be a mother. I feel bad for the girl was pressured to having kids by the church.
I find it hard to find a women my age in my religion I can relate to.

[RC]

My wife and I have bad genes on both sides of our family. We don't want to pass them on to any child. I just lost a 7th family member from suicide, but yet my wife and I are called "selfish" for not having children, but yet my cousins are popping out babies left and right, one of them just had her 4th kid under the age of six and she is on public assistance, but yet no one is calling her "selfish". Boy do I come from a fked up family and people wonder why I don't want to add any more to the family.

[zero]

And this is how conversations are meant to go..not screaming or name-calling or damning

[geegee_]

Wow. When she said that the idea that the lives of parents are more important than non-parents needs to change really hit the nail on the head. The same thing can translate to relationships. People look at bfs/gfs as a joke vs married couples. It’s infuriating.

[tray-j]

Lots of immature people have kids, thinking that because they are parents they are more mature. But instead they raise their children to be immature just like themselves

[Marinaglam]

I’m childfree and lucky that exits because it’s the best lifestyle and easier
then parenthood

[Derlet]

This is a beautiful, authentic and touching interview. As someone who has been motherly from an early age and expressed that in my care of animals, plants, children and others around me, I agree 100% with these two interviewees.

Spiritual parenthood is something that gets overlooked in society. The masses often think that the only way to be a parent is through biological means.

But that's incorrect. To borrow a logician's terms, "biological parenthood is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition to being a parent"

One can be a parent through mentorship (I.e. Big Brother/Big Sister), the tender care we give to those most vulnerable around us (stewardship/citizenship), and through the openness we have to embrace others, through the act of listening.

Biological parenthood is *not* for everyone. It is a vocation and one that should be taken with the utmost care and responsibility.

Society's pressure that "absolutely everyone should have a child" is misguided at best and evil, at worst.

Children--like plants and pets--need a caring adult who will look after them selflessly. So if you cannot offer that space and care to a child, just don't do it.

Like a plant in the home of someone careless, that child will wilter emotionally and psychologically. And that is neither humane nor right.

Look into yourself and make the decision based on principles, like these two amazing interviewees. They are both high responsible, mature and honest.

And honesty wins the day! ❤

[Loramend]

my father was really judging when i told him we were doing ivf, we had tried for 4.5 years and informed our family of the decision. he went on to explain why he doesnt approve and ended with "up to you.." he was not expecting me to say" i was informing, sharing news, not asking for your permission or opinion, its a fact".

[mikaeladonges]

This guy seems so lovely. Go enjoy your child free life man. Go you.

[kathaiti]

I believe Parenthood is a calling. If God did not put the desire in you to be a parent, then don't have children.

[tindee]

That story the guy gave about the lady killing herself cuz of pressure from the church was so heartbreaking 😢

[nataliayoung]

I am both. I can't naturally conceive but I also don't want kids.

[JustineCarissa]

I’m really refreshed to see a guy answer the questions very well! I’m glad he shared stories.